What Being Adopted Means to Me
An open letter by Anne Slagel
"In 1934, when I was born, it was a recognized fact that I was unable to
care for myself. In 1983, it should be apparent to everyone that I am no
longer incompetant by reason of youth. Yet the adoption law that seals
my records permanently makes it plain that I am still in need of protection
and restraint. The law treats me as though I am incompetant by reason of
adoption.
I have outgrown the need for those limitations. I am not a helpless child
now. For the law to require that the agency that placed me, the court that
sanctioned the placement, and the custodians of my records to continue
to treat me as those former guardians did is illogical, improper and senseless.
It is nothing less than tyranny.
I am tired of being considered someone's blessing or someone's disaster.
I am sick to the teeth of being pitied, envied, or "understood". I am fed
up with being told to be glad, be grateful, be considerate, be good, or
be quiet. I am tired of being hostage for my parents piece of mind, my
birthmother's reputation, and my agency's boundless wisdom.
I will not listen anymore to those, who out of ignorance or prejudice,
characterize my birthmother as a prostitute, an emotional incompetent,
or a "can of worms". I will not accept that my father was only a shadow
in the night, a non-entity with no importance or meaning.
I will not wait, meek or humble, while others decide if I will be permitted
to know the answers to my questions. I will not bide quietly in the place
decreed me by an apathetic public that is indifferent to the rights of
the adopted. I do not fit in that place. I will not agree to be a child
forever!
I have been accused of being resentful, angry and rebellious, and my accusers
are right. I am. I am angry. I am angry that concern for my welfare as
a child has turned into a prison for me today. I am angry that my judgement
and competance as an adult are questioned, while those that make a profit
and living from adoption are listened to with respect and deference.
I am resentful, not because I am adopted; that was never a problem. I do
resent being treated as an adopted child for all time. I resent those who
would make me feel guilty for expressing normal curiosity. I resent those
who impose their ideas of what adoption must be on me.
And I am rebellious. I rebel against the patronizing, often insulting attitude
of those who twist adoption into a parody of sentimentality. I rebel against
government and agency meddling in a private area of my life. I rebel against
the misuse of authority. They may not legislate my loyalties or my love,
or limit my search for self-knowledge. I do not need, nor do I want arrangements
which were made for on my behalf as an infant to be imposed on me today.
I will not wear braces on my brain.
Times change. People change. I have grown. The law has NOT grown, and it's
time it did."
Anne Slagle
P.O. Box 4358
Lauderdale, Florida 33338
Last updated April 22, 1997
©1996, 1997 John Kovach
If you have comments or suggestions,
email me at jkovach@mindspring.com