Hi, my name is Jan. My husband and I have a 16 year-old son. When he was the ripe old age of five, a new pediatrician recommended that we have him evaluated as ADHD (Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder). After a whopping five minutes of contact with him, she was 99 percent sure that he needed Ritalin or some other psychotropic drug. We left with lots of literature and a feeling that she was not doing justice to our son.

If the diagnosis had been available in the 1960s, both my husband and I probably would have also been diagnosed this way. We instead learned to cope successfully. I have a Ph.D. in sociology and my husband was a mechanical engineer until he became a stay-at-home Dad when Dillon was born.

We are not at all surprised to have a highly active and intelligent child. In fact, we are both very tolerant of his high energy level and have been fascinated by the many neat things that he does. On the other hand, we have had difficulty dealing with the somewhat bizarre things that he also does.

In my on-line explorations regarding ADD, I have been fortunate to stumble across others who similarly see the good as well as the bad in ADD and who also were frustrated by the traditional medical response to ADD. This web page provides links to other positive-oriented sites as well as provides some tips (primarily based on my family's experiences) on how to live positively with kids who definitely have their own way of thinking and interacting with the world. At this time, the Born-to-Explore site is the best source of links to positive-oriented ADD sites. The Explorer Webstar: The Other Side of ADD contains links to web sites that maintain an upbeat perspective with regards to ADD.

He is now 16 years old, and we still have not had him evaluated for ADD. He was at least 10 before he had any idea of what ADD was. We had our initial doubts about the ADD diagnosis, and over the years, our skepticism has grown. As he has gotten older, for example, he is no longer hyperactive and some of his behaviors have more in common with autism, specifically Asperger’s Syndrome, than ADD. Interestingly, behavioral management and social skills training, rather than meds, are typically the recommended approaches used in dealing with autism. We still think that the part of our son that causes problems is still a relatively minor (only about 10-20%) part of him. Thus, we have chosen to not define him by only his weaknesses. We have instead focused on building his strengths while developing his coping skills for avoiding getting into situations in which his weaknesses predominate.

We have done extensive work with Dillon, mainly teaching him how to act in public and how to control his impulses. He has made numerous improvements over the years. Unfortunately, new issues have emerged, almost on an ongoing basis. Thus, he matures in one area while constantly facing new difficulties. Although we continue to be unconvinced that medications will “fix” him, we also admit that he will likely continue to struggle to some degree with social interactions. On the bright side, in the past few years, he has been able to establish friendships with other boys his age, so we are hopeful that as he gains experience and success in this area that the problems will be less and less.

We made the decision to homeschool when he was 5. Thus, he has never been in a public or private school. He basically taught himself how to read at age 6 and continues to be ahead of his peers in some academic subjects. He enjoys reading, playing computer games, and designing computer animations Dandu Studios. We have been impressed with his academic progress, especially his newly emerging abilities in writing. At 16, he spends much of his time volunteering at the public library, preparing for the SAT/ACT (his practice scores are already higher than mine at his age), and assisting his parents with various tasks (mainly data entry, mowing grass or shoveling snow, and cleaning). Like many other teens, he is preparing for college and has a part-time job. However, unlike some, he has agreed to wait until age 18 before pursuing a driver’s license. Encouragingly, he is increasingly demonstrating signs of maturity.

We think we have made the right choice for our family. We recognize that Dillon is unique, and we have been fortunate enough to have the resources to provide him with a very nurturing and supportive environment. We are optimistic that the long-term outcome will be positive. Nonetheless, we admit that this is not a realistic option for most families. It has been a tough, labor-intensive process, but one that has taught him self control (most of the time). It has not been easy, but we think the long-term result will be worth it. We hope our experiences will provide encouragement to other parents of highly intelligent, active children who are at risk of being labeled ADD or otherwise put into a category that they may or may not fit. Always keep in mind:

These are OUR children, and WE DO have CHOICES!