30 REASONS WHY IT IS GREAT TO BE A DOG
1. No one expects you to take a bath every day.
2. Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or
    anything else for that matter.
3. When it's raining, you can lie around the house all day and never
    worry about being fired.
4. If it itches, you can reach it.
5. And no matter what itches no one is offended if you scratch it in
    public.
6. It doesn't bother you if your favorite television show is a rerun.
7. You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you're insensitive.
8. April 15 means nothing to you.
9. People at drive-through windows never charge you for treats.
10. Your friends don't think less of you for passing gas.
11. A rawhide bone can entertain you for hours.
12. No one gets mad if you fall asleep while they're talking.
13. As an adult, it's OK if you haven't "amounted to anything" except
     being a dog.
14. The older you get, the more people respect you.
15. You can sleep late every day.
16. If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.
17. You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger's lap.
18. There's no such thing as bad food.
19. You don't have to worry about good table manners.
20. Someone else combs your hair.
21. People think you're normal if you stick your head out the window to
     feel  the wind in your hair.
22. You're always excited to see the same old people.
23. Having big feet is considered an asset.
24. If you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.
25. Everything smells good to you.
26. A garbage can is a fast-food stop.
27. No one tells you to wipe your nose because it's wet.
28. No matter where you live, you own the place.
29. Your mate never complains because you whine.
30. Puppy love can last.
- Author Unknown -

 

DOGAHOLICS ANONYMOUS
 
Good Afternoon. I AM a dogaholic.
I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of  "Dogaholics Anonymous."  Some of  you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you here.  You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and that you really don't need any help.  It is not easy to admit that you are a dogaholic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting for help.  DA is here to assist you.  I have some questions to ask.
If you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.
  • Can you say "Bitch" in public without blushing?
  • Do you drive a station wagon, van or 4x4 when everyone else drives a real car?
  • Do you have more than one car?
  • One for you and one for the dogs?
  • Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, specialties and
    seminars  when everyone else goes on a cruise?
  • If you do go overseas, is it to London in March to attend Crufts? [or Finland in June to attend the World Dog Show?]
  • Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?
  • Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly washed tennis shoes?
  • Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?
  • Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your dogs?
  • Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?
  • Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, CGC, HIC, WC, JH, MH, CH, and OTCH?
  • Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs, dog magazines and premium lists?
  • Do you get up before dawn to go to Training Classes? Dog Shows? Seminars?
    [but have trouble getting up for "work?"]
  • If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets?
  • Do those pockets often contain freeze-dried liver, Rollover or squeaky toys?
  • When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of dog they have
    and pity them if they don't have one?
  • Do you remember the name of their dog sooner than you remember their name?
  • Do you find non-dog people boring?
If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.
If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble.
If you answered YES to three or more,  you have come to the right place.
My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you  and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good dogs and it will never be boring.
- Author Unknown -

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