>I heard on the radio yesterday as I waited for oral surgery, that the

>"Beavis and Butthead Do America" film rated the largest opening box

>office tallies of any December-opening movie in Hollywood history. I

>will confess to pausing for 30-second to - 2 minute intervals from time

>to time on MTV to see whether one or the two of them have anything

>slackful to say - but an ENTIRE FILM?

>Is there some spiritual quality to this utterly revolting neu-kartoon

>phenomenon that I am missing? Or is it simply a cheap grab at the

>crotches of the lowest common denominator?

>--

>Louise Van Hine

>louisev@netcom.com

>"A: It's not just for 'Aha!' anymore."

You brought this on yourself.

You sent in your thirty dollars, and are to be comended for that...

you are now a Bobbie, and have some potential. Someone needs to speak

for you now, because you're just too fucking much (little?) to endure

in this larval stage. That can actually mean GOOD things for your

future, but it also means that the crysalis is gonna be a messy one.

Meggaliz has until Psmelltaine to whip Indy into some kind of shape,

or it's off to the SLOR PITS with THAT glorp... maybe she can twist

herself into a zul someday, but I think she's a terminal glorp. Megger

thinks otherwise, but being preggers has made her maternal and

hopefull... on the otherhand, she's got the DOUBLE NENTAL IFE workin',

and that's some pretty heavy pstench. We'll see. Meanwhile, back to

you.

All you ever do is whine and brag, and you brag like a 14 year old

valley girl with mono. You have torn tampon wrappers asunder with your

blazing wit and withered chia pets with your ravenous fury. Little

squares of toilet paper and velveeta litter your wake. You're one of

the saddest little wet critters "Bob" has drug in in a LONG time, and

if some one doesn't get you dried off and settled in, yer gonna end up

in ZACH's care... in the TERMINAL BOBBIE WARD. Zach is NOT NICE to the

terminal cases. You wanna pay fucking attention now louise... yer

fucking SOUL ITSELF is at risk here, VANATRON.

The reason you don't find beavis and butthead funny is that your ego

is wrapped up in large part around your intellect. I'm using ego to

describe the core of your personality here, not to describe your ego

problems. Your intellect is a primary key to your sense of identity;

you are a prisoner of what someone else told you was part of what

makes you a worthwhile person. Worse yet, you could have actually

convinced yourself that it's what makes you worthy. Listen to the

sound of your own laugh; when it's tinny and hollow and empty, you

have taken in and been taken in by FALSE SLACK. When your laugh is

rich and full, and you have been INCREASED rather than DIMINISHED...

SLACK has been in and thru you. As long as you refuse to accept the

human side of your heritage and bend it to your will... until you can

PULL YOUR PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL THUMB OUTTA YER PROVINCIAL MATRONLY

STUCK-UP ASSHOLE, and TURNALOOSE alla them chains of intellechool

vanity, and LEARN to REVEL IN THE STUPID, you will never know the true

joys of being a SubGenius. DARE TO BE DUMB! THERE'S NO TIME TO LOUISE!

oh yeah... learn how to brag and what to brag about, ok? yer fuckin'

pathetic.

we have these idiotic church names to describe who we REALLY are, or

at least a PART of who we are, as opposed to the nondescriptive labels

thrust on us by fate and family. Thus far, you have described to us

about as much as your name has. We bring to this feast the rare and

unusual dim sum of our individual and collective madness, yet your

offering continually consists of velveeta and miracle whip on

wonderbread.... Yours is the sort of discourse readily available in

any beauty shop, bowling alley, or dentists waiting room in America.

WHY the FUCK do you bring it here? Doing a write-up on the church for

COSMO, huh? A spy for the PTA perhaps?

or is it simply that you're a bobbie, and have no clue WHAT you'll be

when you grow around?

YER NOT A GODDAMN CHILD ANY MORE, AND IF YOU CAN'T ACT LIKE ONE, YOU

DAMN SURE BETTER LEARN TO ACT LIKE A GROWNAROUND AROUND HERE, MISSY,

'CAUSE THIS HERE ONMIVERSE AIN'T BIG ENUFF FOR YOU *AND* YER GODDAMN

NEUROSES!

you better hope someone infects you with some pretty heavy duty

mutagens pretty damn quick, or YOU gonna be a FOOD SOURCE around here

REAL DAMN SOON.

Don't MAKE me have to explain your STAR TREK FETISH in front of all

these nice peoples!

MOOOOOOOO! MOOOOVE ALONG, LITTLE HERDPERSON! MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!