Subject: Cuteness and Bob (Sermon #26,938)

Date: Sun, 14 Jul 1996 06:02:31 GMT

From: phred39@mailp.starnetinc.com (Pope Phrederick Q. Armageddon)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Brothers and Sisters:

I know what you're thinkin':

"CUTE? Bob? Impossible!"

True, for many a year, the Father Church has taken steps to

insure that the word O' Bob has nothing to do with simpering, fluffy

cuteness. It is true also that many a SubGenii would sooner cook a

fluffy bunny than look at it. However, I think it is high time that we

take a step back and look at cuteness, hold back the bile for just a

second and gleen what Slack we can from it; not only for our own self

deprovement but for the greater glory of the Dobbs.

Oh, I know it is difficult, my friends; to look CUTE in it's

oversized, round eyes, but look we must! But before you run, shrieking

in terror from the Disneyesque monstrosity that is CUTE, heed the

example of Bob:

Picture if you will, the perfect day: blue skies with white

fluffy clouds scattered here and there. You are standing on a street

in Suburbia. Kids are playing stickball in the middle of the street

without fear of oncoming traffic, the sound of their cheers and

laughter mingle with the chirpping of birds nesting the trees that dot

the street, set into perfectly manicured lawns.

Look! There's Bob, striding down the sidewalk with a carelessly

purposeful gait. He puffs at the ever-present pipe, sending smoke high

into the air to mingle with the scattering of clouds in the azure sky.

One of the kids playing stickball stops what he's doing, rushes over

to Bob crying: "DAD!". The boy leaps up to Bob and gives him a tight

hug around the waist. Bob smiles (duh!), tousles the boy's auburn hair

and asks hime how he did in school today. The boy stammers a bit and

begins to mumble about his Pink teacher...

"Now, now Junior," says Bob, "you know that's not an excuse for

not doing your homework. Even though your teacher will be a wisp of

atomic particles in two years, you musn't forget the three R's."

"Rantin' , Ravin' and Ruling With an Iron Fist to POUND THOSE

MEWLING PINKS INTO THE DUST!!!", the boy replies, cheerfully.

"Heh. heh. That's my boy!" says Bob as they both head toward the

house. If you listen closely you can almost hear the laugh track that

Bob keeps around for occasions such as these.....

See? CUTE! If Bob can do it, so can we! Remember, if we are to

face the might of the Con, we must use their weapons. For every Olson

Twin they throw our way, we must strike back with a score of Luvabunch

Kids (tm) (c)! If they can make a twisted freak of nature like

Quasimodo into a Bob-Damned PLUSH TOY, surely we can out-do them with

the Auschwitz Action Playset (with REAL Zyklon-B!)

In short, be cute brothers and sisters. KILL THEM with your

Unholy Cuteness. Make those quirky laughs and sappy catchphrases ("Did

'I' do THAT?) bore into their hearts and brains until they beg, nay,

PLEAD UPON BENDED KNEE for the sweet release of the Horror that will

be X-DAY!

Braise Pee to Dobbs!!!!!!!!

Yet another posting from those WONDERFUL folks at:

***B A B B L E O N E N T E R P R I S E S***

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Quotations for Donations!

est. 1971 a.d.