Whew! Yea! Another Newbie SAVED!!

Louise, I was just writing to dangle the bait that is the

Divine Excuse as well as step up to the "Hello" plate and

take a swing - but this is MUCH BETTER! Let me be first in

line to offer my assistance in this Holiest of Ceremonies:

YO EVERYBODY! ShorDurMassCONsummation Time! Line up here!

Don't jostle! Come on, wait yer turn! Where's Dave Lynch?

Dave? Oh, I think he's in Ohio...

I'll try to keep them single file. Don't worry, this won't

hurt a bit...

Louise, er, Rev. Louise (What ARE we gonna call you now?)

You Done Good. Don't worry too much about Visions of "Bob",

it's the Elder Gods who you gotta keep an eye on. I once

was sitting around, minding my own business, when I got this

weird idea for a post. Little did I know that I was being

Manipulated like a Pawn by the vast incomprehensibility of a

malevolent Xist. I sat down and banged out the message to

alt.slack, and as soon as I hit Send I was instantly

Transported. I realized that the whole time I THOUGHT I was

home writing, I was actually in the very ANTEROOM of the

Gods. The Illusion was shattered only because the

particular Xist (who was talking to "Bob" at the time, had a

stray thought and, using merely an inconsequential mote of

it's vast power, had me Doing It's Bidding) got distracted

for a moment. That moment was enough for me...The Xist was

laughing, doing the equivalent of pounding it's drinking

vessel on the table, and I WAS THAT VESSEL. I began to

Vomit Diarrea and Bleed from the Anus, my Entrails Spewing

onto the Floor. I looked to "Bob" for help...

And "Bob" didn't CARE! Hell, "Bob" didn't even NOTICE!

Through all the noise and the stench and the entrails, "Bob"

calmly kept Working the Sale, going over the finer points of

timing and such.

And THATS why I have placed my trust in "Bob". He REALLY

IS our best hope, you know...

Rev. Random the Other

Gription Clench

ps. - Did anyone tell you that you can VOTE for SubG

President? It's true - 1$ per vote, vote as often as you

wish, FOR or AGAINST any SubG you wish! Hurry Hurry!

Anyone with a positive vote balance gets elected

SubGenius President! YOU COULD BE SUBGENIUS PRESIDENT!

Gotta Hurry Though! Heh Heh, thirty dollars...wait until

the Church is getting 45% of your pre-tax income....