> Oh, yeah. I forgot the really important messages she was advancing: healing

> sick kids is good and abandoned landmines are bad. Sorry. Did I miss

> anything else?

Ladies and gentlemen, every year thousands of landmines are abandoned by

people who just don't care enough to give their landmine the sort of love

and attention it needs. Under the mistaken belief that the landmine can

"take care of itself" these poor explosives are left in deserted areas and

along interstate highways. Most of them die of starvation; the rest are

eaten by predatory wild hand grenades. Those few who survive are ragged,

pitifully hairtrigger creatures who can explode in self-defense, and are

often labeled "bad" by media figures and the uninformed.

Please, we ask you, from the bottom of our hearts, with our hands laid on

Di's freshly flayed skull, take your landmines to a landmine adoption

center if you can't care for them anymore. Inquire about FREE landmine

spaying! And if your heart is big enough, take a landmine into your own

house and make it a home.

Thank you.

- Friday Jones