From aieeee@huitzilo.tezcat.com Thu Nov 20 00:19:26 1997

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Will Stare At You For Food

From: aieeee@huitzilo.tezcat.com (Dr. Derek Robb)

Date: 20 Nov 1997 08:19:26 GMT

Rev. Ivan Stang <i.stang@metronet.com> wrote:

: Besides, as Magistra Batrix pointed out, "For every SubGenius, there is

: another SubGenius seemingly put on earth for no other reason than to piss

: the first one off."

: (various other words of inspiration snipped

*choke* I.. it was beautiful. I, for one, am inspired. I lost my

membership card in a wallet some time ago.. i was going to just send a

SASE for a replacement, but heck. Now i suddenly have an urge to unload

huge wodges of cash at you.

And, indeed, I would wager that ONLY another subgenius could piss me off.

The rest of the world simply fills me with disgust and an odd sense of

forboding, coupled with the twisted vindication of acknowledging their

nature as a meat puppet.

On a side note, here's a fairly gratifying incident that occured at work.

(Yes, WORK. I admit it, i LIKE work. Not TOIL mind you. Not the mindless

rote wage slavery and humiliation to some product of a suit-droid

manufacturing plant, but WORK. The kind that gets my blood up and prompts

me to leave work and rollerblade with a pugil stick in a wal-mart

somewhere)

Earlier that day, some friends an I .. well, we went dumpster diving at

Fermilab (Fermilab, in case you didn't know, is short for "Fermi National

Accelerator Laboratory".. big-ass particle accelerator outside of chicago)

and scored a WHOLE LOT of really SMART-LOOKING STUFF. Giant copper coils,

some kinda cylandrical THINGS, with.. well, THINGS coming offa them..

YEAH. They pretty much just accelerate hydrogen atoms in the thing, so

it's not like there's much of a chance of 'em begin radioactive. We

*think*.

That evening at work, I was raving to one of the night techs about the

SmartStuff we'd scored, and he asked if he could take a look at some of

it.. so i got the Really Big Thing out of the trunk of my car and dragged

it up. He admired it, and agreed that it did indeed look smart. I didn't

feel like lugging it all the way down just yet, so i went to the xerox

machine, wrote 'not radioactive' in tiny letters, and blew it up to full

8.5"x11" so the letters looked all blotchy and.. well, great, and i taped

the sign to the Really Big Thing, leaving it there...

The next day i get to work at about 5pm, and the office is somewhat

a-buzzing.. my manager came up to me, asked "is that yours?", to which i

said "yes..". "You have to get that out of here." "Okay." "NOW. Then you

have to see me in my office."

So i drag the thing through the now-crowded and terrified office to my

car, walk into my manager's office, and she says, in a very dire and

serious tone "I thought... it was fuckin' hilarious..BUT... some of the

people UPSTAIRS.." etc.. etc..

The jist of her story being, the OWNER of the company thought that the

"Not Radioactive" sign was just a clever RUSE. and that it WAS INDEED

radioactive, and i was just foolin' 'em. Yes, he believed that i had

brought a FULLY ARMED NUCLEAR WARHEAD to work with me and just left it

there.

So. do i get FIRED? Do i get REPRIMANDED? NO. I get PROMOTED. Praise

"BOB".

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