Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Dreaming of Menopause

From: !!!bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 14:23:52 GMT

Christ, I'm tired of bleeding every fucking month! It doesn't matter

that I'm the poster girl for healthy female organs...that I'm the one

that sets the standard for "average" (every 28 days, 4 days long).

It's STILL a pain in the ass (or at least that general area).

I'm looking forward to Menopause. I'm looking forward to not being

just a little crazy and overly emotional for a week every month. I'm

looking forward to NOT worrying about whether or not I'm going to ruin

yet ANOTHER pair of underwear or light colored slacks. I won't miss

the cramps, the mess, the extra expense ONE DAMNED BIT. My first hot

flash MAY cause me to climax; I've been looking forward to it for so

long. I wish there was some way to turn off the machinery once you're

done with it. Say...you go six or ten years without having a baby and

you get to stop bleeding. Other than during my pregnancies and heavier

periods of nursing, I've been doing this for 30 fucking years! I'm

getting damned tired of it.

And I'm one of the lucky ones. I was bitching to Sr. Jezabel about it

yesterday and she said, "At least you know WHEN you're going to start.

I may have a period every two weeks, then go eight without one." She's

not the only one of my friends with that problem. When my sister went

in for surgery a week ago, she was actually HOPING that they'd find

enough of a mess to justify a hysterectomy. They found everything but

Jimmy Hoffa in there but they left her bleeding mechanism intact.

The only good side is that the dogs are more attentive to my crotch.

Tarla

***

Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.

Subject: Bleeding Mutha *Good*

Author:Rev. Random the Other <cmcjp02@nt.com>

Date: 1997/11/14

Forum: alt.slack

Just got in to work; saw THIS in the Monday, Nov. 10, 1997 paper:

Experiments show chemicals stop menopause

London - Scientists experimenting with mice have found a way

to keep ovaries from dying and thus block the onset of

menopause, London's Sunday Times reported.

Scientists at Harvard Medical School discovered that an

application of two chemical agents called fumonisim-B1,

a fungal toxin, and sphingosine-1-phosphate stops cells

in the ovaries from dying, the newspaper said. The research

will be published next week in the scientific journal Nature

Medicine, the paper said.

The research is still at the experimental stage, the report

noted, but project leader Johnathan Tilly said the results

with mice were so good the technique could be used on women

right away.

(I swear I am not making this up)

"Hormone-replacement therapy will become a thing of the past,

because the implant would preserve ovarian function," Tilly said.

"The results are so striking that in a perfect world, we would

take it into clinics right now."

(Fungal toxin tastes great too!)

My sincere condolences in These End Times,

Rev. Random the Other

"...hey Hank, hand me somma dem mice.

I wanna squirt some o' dis sphingosine

up 'em, too..."