From modemac@shell1.tiac.net Thu Jul 09 21:10:46 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: SubGenius Nation
From: Modemac <modemac@shell1.tiac.net>
Date: 10 Jul 1998 04:10:46 GMT
A Message from Susie the Floozie:
You'll have to excuse any technofuckups here--I'm quite the nudie
at this, or whatever. I don't know the words--but somehow I have to find
them now for what will no doubt be the only posting ever from me, because
this is the one thing from me which I feel is worthy of flogging us all. I
know what I witnessed at Brushwood, and it WAS truly apocalyptic.
I went not knowing what to expect, but with the background
sensation that we would all be ripped off. As I put it, "One way or
another, we're all gonna finally get FUCKED REAL GOOD by "Bob"! Whoo-HOO!!"
But I never expected to be feeling such righteous afterglow from the
spiritual mugging we all suffered.
SURE, Stang and Jesus are brazen charlatans who took advantage of
our willing gullibility, and SURE, the chance of actual redemption from the
skies was about zilch point shit. Still, I tried to keep that wool pulled
and to be a starry-eyed little seeker for the Cause, although deep inside
there was the feeling that we were about to get the Big Burn of All Time.
But something mystical happened out there in that SubGenius Sweat Lodge,
and I know I'm not the only one who felt it.
The night of X-Day Eve, I took my boombox full of apocalyptic
easy-listening music out into the middle of the Bigass Brushwood Field and
stood out there, naked and alone in the dewy grass beneath a sky screaming
with stars, and I danced an EndTimes Dance in the dark--and as I swirled,
everywhere I looked was alive with Our People. The night air pulsed with
SubGenius life. All around me was a ring of their glowing campfires, and
the sounds of their last-night-on-Earth revelry carried through the cold
night air and blended with the atmospheric schmaltz. And suddenly, I was
moved to tears of absolute joy by it all. This was no longer a raggedy-ass
convocation of bitter misfits and fucked-up loners--suddenly, we were a
great SubGenius Nation. At that point of satori alone there in that field,
I sobbed like a fucking baby over it--and in that crystalline, perfect
moment, I knew what it was really all about.
Waiting for the saucers to arrive was a lot of kicks, sure. But
that wasn't the be-all and end-all of the game. Yeah, we got burned--but at
the same time, something stronger in us all got forged in those same fires.
We're in this Church from the start because of our mutually shared pain and
discontent, and at the risk of sounding just too fucking
sweetness-and-light, WE HAVE EACH OTHER. That's where our power and our
true menace to THEM has always lain--but by the same token, we can draw the
solace and strength we need for our basic survival from the fact that we
ARE a solid, cohesive SubGenius family. Every one of us has a part around
"Bob"'s big dinner table, passing that steaming tureen of Slack to the Yeti
next to you and happily digging into the soul-satisfying feast of Dobbs
with our brethren. Sure, we're a dysfunctional family, but we're made of
superior material to start with--and our version of the home game has much
more amusing and fascinating characters, like our oily Daddy Stang and our
badass Uncle K'Taden and our sweet Little Brother Onan and our silken
Sister Lilith and our crusty ol' Grampa GGGordon. (Ha!) And you can just
think of me as your slutty sister Susie who laughs it off when you walk in
on me when I'm douching in the tub...
This past week, I got more bang for my membership buck than I ever
thought possible. This Church has given me (and I hope many others)
something immeasurable, and I am absolutely SHINING from it all. With
lovely SubGenius friends like these, I can glibly chortle, "FUCK the Sex
Goddesses!" and laugh off the sting of brutal disappointment. Maybe we
didn't get off this planet, but for some weird-ass goddamn reason, I don't
exactly mind living on shitball Earth as much as I did a week ago. And that
in itself is a miracle of the first fucking water, Baby.
Sure, this cult is founded on a big fucking joke--but our
dedication to our own is totally fucking serious. Any lameass shitstain who
doubts we're a family can just look at the outpouring of support for poor
stricken Pee Kitty. (Hey, why don't we throw him his own surrogate Rupture
next year, since he missed the Big One? We've got a year to figure out
HOW...) Maybe we didn't get off this planet, but we can use our new
solidarity to create a SubGenius paradise for the Yetinsyn here on Earth.
And by the way, yes, that WAS a huge motherfucking "X" in the
clouds in the pink light of early dawn on X-Day morning, and I hopefully
got photographic proof of it. It was truly a beautiful thing to see the
tangible sign of Dobbs' covenant with his people afire in the skies over
our Great SubGenius Nation.
"O Brave New World,
that has such creatures in it..."
Boy, do I ever need a frickin' cigarette.
Rev. Susie the Floozie
[Kiss mark here]
The New Post-Apocalyptic Reformed Church of Dobbs, Unrepentant
From monsterwax@aol.com Thu Jul 09 21:35:31 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Date: 10 Jul 1998 04:35:31 GMT
Ditto.
From Obnostic@erols.com Fri Jul 10 10:01:42 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 13:01:42 -0400
About two Months before X-Day, I got "The Joke".
Think about this: Is SubGenius any more of a scam than Christianity,
just because less people believe in it?
There had to be SOMETHING to tie together all these far-flung
aestethics in art, music, lifestyle; the deeper meanings behind the
mundane workaday world that keeps us PURSUING A VISION despite
the pressure to be ephemeral and trendy.
Like the mathematician at his scribble-crowded chalkboard, we
are perfecting a FORMULA which we can apply to RECREATE OUR
OWN REALITY. And unlike the number-crunching Pinkies striving
to create a ONE EQUATION FITS ALL reality, we know that what
we derive from our calculations can only be applied to OURSLEVES
and THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND.
Sure, the shallow and perversely-indoctrinated will continue to
attack us. But the empirical evidence PROVES to me that we have
already won and continue to win despite their feeble attacks.
TIME will prove us right.
SO WHAT if we all had you believing in a saucer rapture? You
believed in something fantastic and greater than yourself!
Just imagine if we could get folks to believe in something
less far-flung but EVERY BIT AS FANTASTIC?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!
If the Subgenius Foundation had never been founded, IT WOULD
STILL HAVE EXISTED under some other name because THEY CANNOT
KILL WHAT IS DEEP INSIDE US.
Personally I want MY reality to become one where I marry
Susie's clone!
From saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org Fri Jul 10 10:04:59 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: saint andreux <saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 12:04:59 -0500
Steve Slack wrote:
> About two Months before X-Day, I got "The Joke".
>
> Think about this: Is SubGenius any more of a scam than Christianity,
> just because less people believe in it?
Steve, I'm shocked...
It took you that long?
Hell, Phred warned me of that back in 1992, and I still
sent off my $20.
--
saint andreux --><-- SCIENTOLOGISTS CAN'T READ THIS POST
"the pervert is back!" FIND OUT WHY: www.xenu.net
www.prairienet.org/~saint/ MY NAME IS A BANNED PHRASE
From Obnostic@erols.com Fri Jul 10 10:23:10 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 13:23:10 -0400
Yes, @reux, it took me THAT long and I was a $20 member who
joined in '83!!
See, I still believed that humans could change, and that
they could help me in my Nameless Mission.
Well they changed all right. THEY GOT WORSE!!
What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented
grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it, was that
I went through all that self-doubt and self-pity before I
finally realized that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.
From kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net Fri Jul 10 12:19:23 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: "kevbob" <kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net>
Date: 10 Jul 1998 19:19:23 GMT
Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com> wrote in article
<35A64DFE.23B0@erols.com>...
> What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented
> grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it,
cool!
i knew you rocked!
now i have PROOF!
praise steve slack!
--
"the middle just got a whole lot harder."
From saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org Fri Jul 10 12:21:02 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: saint andreux <saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 14:21:02 -0500
Steve Slack wrote:
> See, I still believed that humans could change, and that
> they could help me in my Nameless Mission.
Oh, you old sentimental FOOL.
> Well they changed all right. THEY GOT WORSE!!
Well, at least you learned now.
> What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented
> grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it, was that
> I went through all that self-doubt and self-pity before I
> finally realized that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.
I thought Grunge music was created by Robert Anton Wilson
in the 60's as a bad joke...
--
saint andreux --><-- SCIENTOLOGISTS CAN'T READ THIS POST
"the pervert is back!" FIND OUT WHY: www.xenu.net
www.prairienet.org/~saint/ MY NAME IS A BANNED PHRASE
From Obnostic@erols.com Fri Jul 10 21:22:42 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>
Date: Sat, 11 Jul 1998 00:22:42 -0400
?! wrote:
>
> Steve Slack wrote in message <35A64DFE.23B0@erols.com>...
> >What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented
> >grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it,
>
> Um, Steve? Grunge rock was invented in 1979. 'Course back then we called
> it "punk". Or just "The Ramones".
Oh yeah I know all about that shit. What do ya think I am, some
spring chicken? Why I remember when me and The Rat were making
holy horrid hilarious noise before I ever heard of 'Bob' or
Doktormusik. We'd invade the radio station at Va. Tech and
scare the shit out of the hippies and preppies with James Chance,
Lydia Lunch, Throbbing Gristle, Glen Branca, Captain Beefheart,
Swell Maps, Chrome, Tuxedomoon, you name it, if it was annoying
we'd have it on the air. 'Cept it wasn't annoying to us, we ate
it up. Too bad none of the other dorks shared our sense of fun,
always trying to get us to do 'album oriented rock' (now known as
'classic rock'). And we weren't even the first or the best on
there to do 'alternative' radio (when 'alternative' music was
commonly called "that weirdo faggot shit")
{BTW the Ramones made their 1st album in '76.}
What I was trying to say was that in '86 I was alone with my
psuedo drum kit which was comprised of a shoe box with a mike
wrapped in a bandanna placed inside it and EQ'd, a fruitcake
tin stuffed with wind chimes and miked with a telephone
receiver, and a bag of marbles to serve as a high hat [and
you know it worked 'cause when people heard it they would say
'that's the cheesist sounding drum kit I've ever heard'], and
I had my 12-string Rickenbacker with a mid-tempo funky chunka-
chunka groove going, and damned if not less than four years
later everyone was doing the same kind of groove.
--
Obnostic@erols.com
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Underground/5867
AN ASS having heard some Musicians playing, was highly
enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody,
demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such
beautiful voices. They replied, "Gigs!" The Ass resolved that
he would live only upon gigs, and in a short time died of hunger.
-Aesop...freely adapted by Dr. Oscar
From $toxiccow@mind$pring.com Sat Jul 11 11:48:03 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: $toxiccow@mind$pring.com (Sister Pammy of the Soil)
Date: Sat, 11 Jul 1998 18:48:03 GMT
Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com> wrote:
>Yes, @reux, it took me THAT long and I was a $20 member who
>joined in '83!!
>
>See, I still believed that humans could change, and that
>they could help me in my Nameless Mission.
I sacrificed several years to that futile, fatal concept. Finally had
to kill myself to get better!
>
>Well they changed all right. THEY GOT WORSE!!
Television has not improved the human race--instead they've gotten
more sheeplike, and their bleating has taken on a particularly
universal tone.
>
>What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented
>grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it, was that
>I went through all that self-doubt and self-pity before I
>finally realized that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.
Of course you did, because to believe in other people's change as the
answer to your own life's longings only guarantees that you will NEVER
get what you want. And then you have to spend time asking yourself why
you spent all that other time setting yourself up for a BAD TIME.
(Time, time, hear the bells chime...). We yetis should have been born
free and wild, but since we hatch out into humanity's domain we have
to fight like hell to get a space to call our own. Hang in there!
SPOTS
From Obnostic@erols.com Mon Jul 13 12:55:45 1998
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation
From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>
Date: Mon, 13 Jul 1998 15:55:45 -0400
Sister Pammy of the Soil wrote:
> Television has not improved the human race--instead they've gotten
> more sheeplike, and their bleating has taken on a particularly
> universal tone.
It's like they were all fanatical about a song which was comprised
of ONE DISSONANT ENDLESSLY REPEATING CHORD.
I've noticed how pervasive BAD television is, as regards to
the lives of the unwitting. It leads them to assume, nay
DEMAND, that everyone around them be
1) Rich
2) Young
3) Physically perfect.
Mabye ONE percent of the population meets all three of these
criteria. Yet the remaining 99 will abuse and walk all over
each other for not being, or in the attempt to be, or to attach
themselves to that 1%.
> We yetis should have been born
> free and wild, but since we hatch out into humanity's domain we have
> to fight like hell to get a space to call our own. Hang in there!
For novice Subs, one of the easist things to do, yet one of the
hardest things to make a habit, is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
A small incident that happened last night bore this out. I had
parallel parked the Slackwagon, packed so full of holy crapola
I could barely see out the back, in a tight space between two
vehicles at my new Obnostic media bunker. The butt end of the
Slackwagon was sticking out into the street. I was barely within
the legal distance limit from the curb and even though I KNEW,
just flat out KNEW, that some pu-man was gonna come take my bumper
apart, I said fuck it, unloaded and went to bed.
Need I tell you what I came down to the next morning? The left
hand rear bumper guard torn off and lying in the street, and a
note on my window.
Or take the example of this job I'm working. My boss at the
previous job basically HANDED me this one since her husband
was the VP. My old Bobbie self balked at the thought of
dealing with an even stuffier crowd of conservatives, but then
my Motherfucker Superior screamed "You Dumbass! Quit being
a frightened little baby, put those acting skills to work
and go for it!"
And you've already heard me whine about the drawbacks, but
GET THIS: THEIR work only takes me an HOUR a day to complete.
I won't bore you with further details, but needless to say
I stay BUSY, ALL DAY.
And my old job? Re-organized with a $40/week salary reduction.
See what happens when you not only THINK, but KNOW???
And I could give MANY other examples of when I didn't trust
my instincts, where nothing bad happened but nothing great
either.
I guess next, that I will now go rescue the lead guitar
player from the Slack Attack tape BACK from this lame,
all-hype douchebag he's hooked up with.
Best of luck to me!!
----------------------------------------------------------------
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What did the Japanese beauty queen say to the waiter?
"I no want no hot dog, I want flesh fluit!"