Subject: da bomb

Date: 25 Dec 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: sheebop@doowah.com (the schmoo)

Reply-To: elx@mindspring.com

Organization: mindspring.com

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free

Reposted from Alt.Clinton.Argue.About.The.Same.Shit.Over.and.Over or

something.

Written By Anonymous.

Flame me for my whatever twisted insensitivity caused me to find this

amusing, and toss it out here, if you like. Honk.

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CHOCOLATE CITY--In an address before an emergency session of

Parliament Monday, George Clinton said he is prepared to drop Da

Bomb on Iraq if Saddam Hussein does not loosen up and comply with

U.N. weapons inspectors by the Clinton-imposed deadline of March 1.

"For Saddam Hussein to refuse to let U.N. officials inspect

Iraqi weapons facilities as per the terms of Iraq's 1991 Gulf War

surrender is decidedly unfunky of him," Clinton said. "While the

decision to drop Da Bomb is never an easy one, unless Saddam gets

down with this whole U.N.-inspection thang and seriously refunkatizes

his stance by March 1, we will have no choice but to be tearin' da

the roof off Baghdad."

Preparations for the military strike, dubbed Operation

Supergroovalisticposifunkstication Storm, are already underway.

The Mothership is ready and on standby at Starchild Air Force Base in

Detroit, where more than 5,000 bop gunners are making final

preparations for deployment to the Persian Gulf. Clinton has also

ordered an additional 2,500 Aquaboogie Amphibious Assault units to the

Gulf, bringing the total P-Funk Nation military presence in the region

to 23,000.

According to General William "Bootsy" Collins, the primary goal

of the ground assault is to breach Hussein's presidential palace,

capture the Iraqi leader, and "put some serious funk in his trunks."

Collins acknowledged that the mission would not be easy.

"Saddam's palace is heavily fortified. In the front, it's

protected by several dozen towers manned with armed guards,

and in the back, there's a 500-foot high hump--so high you can't

get over it and so wide you can't get around it," Collins said.

"Having our men attempt to attack from the front would be suicide:

If we are to have any chance of entering the palace and funkatizing

Saddam, we've got to try to get over the hump. After all, if you want

to capture a boogie, you've got to attack from the back."

Despite the difficulty of the task ahead, troop morale is high.

"As a soldier in the army of Uncle Jam, I have pledged my full

groovallegiance to Commander-In-Chief Clinton,"

said Lieutenant Bernie Worrell of the army's elite 72nd

Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squadron.

"I am fully prepared to give up my life for the funk. To the rear...

march!"

"Executing political adversaries, shunning foreigners, condemning

America as 'The Great Satan'--that Saddam is one uptight cat,"

Mothership captain Eddie Hazel said. "For too long, he has ruled Iraq

with neither a glide in his stride nor a dip in his hip. At this

point, our only remaining option is to drop a serious funk bomb on

him."

Clinton's ultimatum before Parliament was met with high praise

from numerous top-ranking Chocolate City officials, including

Secretary of Education Richard Pryor, Secretary of Fine Arts Stevie

Wonder and First Lady Aretha Franklin.

"The effects of dropping this 50,000-megafunk

bomb on a heavily populated city like Baghdad will

be devastating," said Linda Sue Strelczyk, president

of Suburbanites Against Da Bomb. "At ground zero,

the explosion will give off a horrific, blinding

flash-light, causing untold millions to get totally freaky."

Responding to the anti-Bomb protests among the unfunky,

Clinton made an impassioned plea for unity.

"In times of crisis such as this, we must stand united, not

divided," Clinton said. "We must join together as one nation under a

groove, getting down just for the funk of it."

http://www.theonion.com/onion3307/clintondropsdabomb.html