Subject: Re: WANTED: one goat

Date: 31 Dec 1995 00:00:00 GMT

From: lurch@mindspring.com (Mr Lurch)

Organization: MindSpring Enterprises, Inc.

Newsgroups: misc.wanted, alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3

>>In article <1995Dec26.201709.12615@lafn.org> ac118@lafn.org (Matthew Carey)

>>writes:

>>>First off, THIS IS NOT A TROLL (no pun intended.)

>>>I need a goat. I can't pay for it. If anyone can provide me with a FREE

Some people around here give them away, but they can't go UPS. You'd have to

come to sticksville to get one.

>>>goat, please email me immediately. Also, I will need information on how

>>>to take care of it. Like what does it eat,

Spam, wax, newspapers. straw hats, underwear, sausage, shoes,

ragweed, ping-pong balls, oats, corndogs. goldfish, sneakers, plywood, hair,

beer cans, small turtles, grass, dog food, dead stuff, vomit, dukey, rocks,

cudzu, dirt and a whole bunch of other stuff....

>>>do I have to walk it etc.?

Well, you can just let it shit on the carpet. Sooner or later it will eat the

shit (and the carpet). While it would be best to try and housebreak it, I

don't know if this can be done. We never tried it with ours. We had

those longhaired white goats, and they smelled so awful we never considered

keeping them in the house. I'm not sure if they can be trained to crap in a

big litter box either. They'd probably eat the litter.

Our goats used to have a couple of amusing habits, however. In the

Spring, the males would get horny, and one of the things they would do to

(presumably) make themselves more attractive to the females was

lay on their backs and piss straight up in the air. Also, in the summer, they

would roll around in the embers of a trash fire then run around the yard

smoking up a storm. I don't have to tell you how the smouldering piss-filled

hair smelled. They did do it on purpose. Maybe they were trying to get rid

of bugs or something. I don't know. We tried putting them out with the hose

but they would just go back and do it again. It didn't seem to bother them.

They had tough hides.

>>>Also, I have heard that there is a breed of goat called the pygmy goat.

>>>If it's true to it's name, I would prefer one of those. Any other

>>>diminutive breed of goat is also acceptable.

There is. I don't know if they have all the aforementioned charming

behavior patterns. But if you are looking for a housepet, I'd have to say

you'd be better off with a pyg than a goat. Seriously, good luck in your

quest, but keep an eye peeled for a sale on Lysol.

Lurch