Subject: Re: Well Then !! (iceknife)

Date: 21 Mar 1999 00:00:00 GMT

From: Ditworthy@webtv.net (Mellwood Ditworthy)

Organization: WebTV Subscriber

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1

Visit our empire. VISIT OUR EMPIRE.

Good lord iceknife, the probability of someone asking you to visit a

public execution is more likely.

No one even asks you to come visit them "next door", let alone asking

you to visit England.

As for the Irish. When the English first found them, all they liked to

do was dig holes, and roll large rocks around.

They discovered the use of blasting powder from the Dutch. Since the

enclosed instructions were in Danish, the Irish spent at least 100 years

blowing THEMSELVES up. This is a well known fact of history. The

Irish did not become a significant threat until 1801 when they

realized, quite by accident, that with blasting powder, they could make

BIGGER holes, and roll LARGER rocks. It was only a matter of time till

they took the next logical step to blowing up cars, the invention of

which was still 120 years away.

As for England being an island. Wrong again !!

England's largest mass is actually only 1 foot under the water that

connects it to the European continent. On a good sunny day it is very

easy to actually walk to Europe if one is so inclined. How do you think

the French invaded England. IN BOATS ?? Don't make me laugh.

His Eminence, Bishop Blaze Femur wrote:

>

> > Mellwood Ditworthy wrote:

>

> > As for the Irish.

>

> The limey never fell out of his mammy's ass who can

> legitimately offer commentary on the Irish. And ask Lord

> Mountbatten's family how inept we are with the Semtex. And you're

> ugly. Or kill me.

Whereas the asshole that can talk has opinions on EVERYTHING and

ANYTHING. The fact that my grand-uncle Ismail was driven from

Jzerkistan by Batavian aggression gives me the FULL GOBSHITE RIGHTS,

even though I never met him and don't even know where the country is!

You know, in the Old Country, they have a number of charming rituals

and traditions. Guests are sacrosanct, unless they disparage your

wife's linen-cleaning abilities, in which case the only appropriate

response is to sneak into their room in the dead of night, slit their

throat with the Kchiis, the ritual courtship apple-peeling-knife,

and devour their LIVER with FAVA BEANS and a CHEAP ALBANIAN CABERNET

SAUVIGNON which contains SUBSTANTIAL TRACES of ANTIFREEZE! The whole

Jzerkistan-Batavian crisis arose simply because of the INSULT given

to the Jzerks when the partially-insane but well-loved Baron Gavagi

refused to partake of the necrotic, worm-ridden liver tissue of the

King's eldest nephew Fantomas, second-in-line to the throne, who had

complained about ROOM SERVICE when staying in a hunting lodge owned by

his elder brother Gyorgy in some isolated mountainous region surrounded

by barbed wire, machine-gun emplacements and a densely-packed minefield.