I think...no, I'm pretty damned sure, that the thing that pisses me

off the most often is dishonesty. I was such a good little Catholic

girl. I confessed EVERY sin, and they were such pathetic little sins

back then. I could do so much better now. I could guarantee the priest

a two-hour hard-on these days. But I was so honest. The only reason I

ever told a lie when I was little was to save my brother's ass. Then I

confessed it.

I learned to lie in my teens, though. I got pretty good at it. For a

long time it was easier to lie about my childhood than actually try to

explain it to people. I made up all kinds of shit, from an architect

father (mine was really a Fire Fighter) to a dead twin. I don't know

when it was, my early twenties, I think, that I realized that truth

was actually power. If I told the truth, no one could have power over

me by being able to point out my lies. It was no longer a matter of

sinning versus not sinning; it was power. Because I can tell the

truth, the whole truth (as far as I know it), no one can hold me

hostage. I found out that it was okay to be different, as long as you

weren't ashamed of it. Shame creates lies, and shame is how you are

controlled.

The Bearded Guy (tm) and I rented a bunch of movies last night (I'm

saving "Ed Wood" for tonight) one of which was "True Lies." What

amazed me was that it was expected that the "Hero" would lie to his

wife for 17 years. His daughter steals from his best friend, and he

NEVER confronts her about it. His marriage is a bore, and he never

sees his family but he supposedly still loves them? I think he

possesses them, and doesn't want his toys taken away. His life is a

lie and he's the HERO.

I'm so sick of the lies. They're everywhere you turn. Commercials lie

to us; it's their job. Our bosses and co-workers lie to us, to make

themselves look better, to advance in the world of lies, because they

know no other way of communicating aside from lying. Our parents lie

to us. Then we turn around and lie to our children. It never ends.

I was in high school in the middle of the Vietnam war. My senior year

was just getting started when they killed four students at Kent State.

All we wanted was for them to stop lying to us, and they killed us. It

was enough. A generation forgot what they were fighting and turned

into the monster. They took every fucking drug that existed on the

planet, then turned right around and told their children "Just say NO"

or "Dare to keep kids off drugs," then they go home, roll a fat one in

their Southwestern pink bathroom, and lie to themselves some more.

Here's the deal I made with my sons: If you don't drink alcohol,

smoke, take drugs or curse in public before the age of 16, I'll buy

you a gold watch or the equivalent. Why? The human brain keeps

growing, so you want to give it a chance to get to full size before

you start killing brain cells via drugs and alcohol. Smoking is simply

not healthy and if I weren't such a fucking worthless addict, I'd

quit, and cursing is one of those things that makes people judge you

without knowing you. You're too young and inexperienced to know when

cursing is appropriate, so I want you to wait until you learn the

rules before you start breaking them. It's just that simple. Tell them

the truth. If the truth makes sense, they will see that.

Honesty doesn't have to be cruel. If someone asks how they look and

they look like shit, you need to be kind and tell them what parts need

attention (in a supportive way). By lying and saying "You look fine."

You are deliberately choosing to allow them to make an ass of

themselves. If that's your goal, so be it. But if you like the person,

you should be honest with them.

It's worst in the art world, I think. People are so afraid to have an

opinion that goes against the grain, that they will swallow their

honest opinions and spew whatever is being said by the group. You

bitch and moan about mediocrity, but do you actually tell a bad artist

that their work is less than adequate? Do you applaud musicians who

are untalented? Have you ever stood in a crowd for an ovation that you

really were not moved by? Then you lied to everyone around you, and

you lied to the artist, but in your secret heart, you could not lie to

yourself...and it diminished you.

It is this all pervasive atmosphere of lies that makes me unable to

trust my own work. I can never tell if someone is being honest with

me, or if they are just being "kind" and telling me the lies I want to

hear (because they LIKE me, or because they are afraid to hurt me).

Because I cannot trust those who critique me ( if you can call it

that) I don't know how I compare. I don't know if it's worth trying to

succeed in my fields; or if I'm not really good enough and should quit

now. The world of lies steals my confidence away, it makes me unsure,

and I hate that. I hate that most of all.

When I stand for an ovation, there are usually tears in my eyes. I

never look around me. I don't give two raving fucks whether anyone

else was moved or not. If you move ME, you know it. When I compliment

someone's work, it is because *I* like it. The opinions of others with

regard to art is worthless as far as I am concerned. No one but ME

will have to live with that painting or that music, so why the hell

should I care what anyone else thinks? Honesty is the most powerful

tool there is. Honesty will save your ass time and time again. You

don't have to make a choice between being honest and lying. You can be

honest or just shut your mouth.

We go to weddings of people who marry people we hate and think are

completely wrong for that person, but we never confront our friends

and tell them they're making a mistake. We go to funerals for people

we don't really like, just to show "our respects." Respect for

what...another liar lying in the dirt? We deny our feelings day in and

day out until they turn into cancers, heart disease, immune system

failures. Let's face it, something's gotta give, and it's easier for

most people to die than to tell the truth about their lives.

Well, I don't plan on going out that way. I like living, and living

honestly is the best revenge there is on this huge tentacled thing we

call the CON. Living honestly gives them fewer chances to screw you.

Living honestly lets you sleep at night (that, and a little frappy).

Pointing out lies may not make you the most popular kid on the block

but it sure beats the alternative....being one of THEM.

***

Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.