From: dflync01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (David F Lynch)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Food of the Gods
Date: 17 Nov 1996 22:00:19 GMT
Organization: Church of Eternal Man
So, I went to Church today (I had a very good reason, I got a damn
good meal out of it). And I don't really have a problem with the
Catholic church, well, any more than I have a problem with the idiocy
of the vast majority of organized religions in general. I still find
their ritual pretty damn neat, and the Catholic Church has always used
plenty of incense, the favorite of stoners everywhere. Well, anyway,
the priest mentioned something about Jesus doing lots of his preaching
over meals, so I could just imagine Jesus trying to explain the beatitudes
with a mouth full of bread, spitting crumbs out all over the place.
The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable
with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck
to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.
"Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And
then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?
Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics
have to deal with?
--
Dave (not David) Lynch/(.)(.)/Eligible Mutant Bachelor Uebergeek at large
dflync01@homer.louisville.edu/FILLER/Founder, First Church of Eternal Man
ObObsoleteHomepage:http://www.rlabs.com/lynch **** Please email followups
I'm SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From: clavis@ix.netcom.com(the Grand Clavister)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: Food of the Gods
Date: 18 Nov 1996 04:46:34 GMT
Organization: Netcom
In <56o1tj$fpk@hermes.louisville.edu>
dflync01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (David F Lynch) writes:
>
>So, I went to Church today (I had a very good reason, I got a damn
>good meal out of it). And I don't really have a problem with the
[snip]
>The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable
>with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck
>to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.
>"Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And
>then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?
>Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics
>have to deal with?
I'm at a friend's wedding, and I'm wearing my supercool purple suit,
'cause that's what a wedding deserves, and we're in the temple for the
ceremony, and that's when I reach into an inside jacket pocket and
realize that I'm carrying around 2 packets of Wacky Wafers from
Halloween. I would've gone up and given them to the rabbi, but dem Jews
don't use wafers.
But it was still funny.
the Grand Clavister
[Waiting for an opportunity to stop a gob since 1970]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: atesta@concom.com (Andrew J. Testa)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: Food of the Gods
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 1996 21:45:51 -0600
Organization: SubGenius Police Auxilliary
(David F Lynch) writes:
> >The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable
> >with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck
> >to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.
> >"Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And
> >then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?
> >Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics
> >have to deal with?
Yeah, you think the Lord would have a little better mouth-feel. While I
was Catholic-occupied territory I would regularly get The Lord stuck to my
palate. He'd latch onto me near the top of my throat. For the rest of the
mass I'd be working my tongue back and forth over Him, trying to pry Our
Saviour off the roof of my mouth. He'd get all soft and sticky and
eventually The Messiah would melt off where I could chew him up properly.
He always tasted best when dry however, right off the fingers of the
alter-boy-buggering priest. You can say what you want about Catholics, but
their Jesus is the best tasting unleavened Prince of Peace around. I wish
they'd let Madison Avenue take a crack at Him. I'd love to be able to get
a box of Jesus Crisps at the market. Right there by the Triscuits and
Cheese Nips.
Andy "Oh Heavenly Donner" Testa
--
"Acid's like a woman: A good one Andy Testa
will eat right through your pants." atesta@concom.com
-Mel Gibson Vote Dobbs/Xenu in 96!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Myrkury" <MyRK@VOICENET.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: Food of the Gods
Date: 18 Nov 1996 16:16:35 GMT
Organization: Voicenet - Internet Access - (215)674-9290
David F Lynch <dflync01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu> wrote:
> The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable
> with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck
> to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.
> "Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And
> then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?
> Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics
> have to deal with?
One of the best things about being an altar boy (almost makes up for the
"personal time" with the priests) is that the communion must be finished
off. So on slow Sundays one gets to guzzle all that leftover Jesus blood.
(One hell of a buzz!)
Myrkury
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mtownsend@earthlink.net (Michael Townsend)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: Food of the Gods
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 1996 05:55:50 -0500
Organization: Dad's New Slacks
atesta@concom.com (Andrew J. Testa) wrote:
->You can say what you want about Catholics, but
->their Jesus is the best tasting unleavened Prince of Peace around. I wish
->they'd let Madison Avenue take a crack at Him. I'd love to be able to get
->a box of Jesus Crisps at the market. Right there by the Triscuits and
->Cheese Nips.
Would it surprise you to learn that most of the Lord Cookies in this
country are actually baked by a special division of Nabisco?
--
Dads New Slacks is RADIO
PO Box 4722 Portland ME 04112-4722 USA
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: Re: Food of the Gods
Date: 19 Nov 1996 11:52:16 GMT
Organization: Berea Genetic Manipulations
In <mtownsend-1911960555500001@cust124.max13.boston.ma.ms.uu.net> Michael
Townsend <mtownsend@earthlink.net> wrote:
> atesta@concom.com (Andrew J. Testa) wrote:
> ->You can say what you want about Catholics, but
> ->their Jesus is the best tasting unleavened Prince of Peace around. I wish
> ->they'd let Madison Avenue take a crack at Him. I'd love to be able to get
> ->a box of Jesus Crisps at the market. Right there by the Triscuits and
> ->Cheese Nips.
> Would it surprise you to learn that most of the Lord Cookies in this
> country are actually baked by a special division of Nabisco?
RJR Nabisco? The cigarette guys? Man, is there any kind of addictive
opiate they DON'T push?
--