Column 76 for April 1^st, 2001

What a weekend! I usually talk about education and so forth, but I’ve got to tell you about the Oscars! This past Sunday evening, after having dinner with friends here in Carrollton, I drove to Atlanta and caught a red-eye flight to Los Angles, so I could celebrate with my dear friend Julia Roberts. Julia and I have been really great for each other these past few years, but I’ve had to maintain a low profile. It would hurt her "Hollywood" image to be seen with just a "school teacher" from rural Georgia.

Sunday night, she had to do a "dog and pony show" with her "friend" Benji something-or other, (mostly for the cameras and tabloids) until we could be together. The Oscar party was going strong when I arrived, and "Benji" got lost in the crowd quickly… Slow dancing with Julia…, holding that golden Oscar in each other’s hands as we moved across the floor was magic! She was so excited! And she’s not a bad dancer to boot! We made the rounds and talked with lots of people. Mike Douglas was a hoot! (I think maybe he’d had too much champagne…)

After the party, very late, we took a limo to her Hollywood apartment. It was sure nice to be back in familiar surroundings. We had to sleep fast, as she knew I had to be back in Carrollton Monday. We arose early, and Julia cooked up a Spanish omelet "a la The Border." Julia knows when I get homesick for Carrollton.

During our evening and night we had some great discussions. We both talked about Kimbo Bassinger’s, or whatever her name is, purchase of that town over by the Road Atlanta racetrack. Old "KimBass" has nothing on us! We are seriously considering buying Bowdon as a long-term investment. If all this works, there will be a Cap’n Tom/Roberts performing arts complex at Bowdon High School!

You might be wondering how all this got started. It’s a long story, but I’ll do my best to condense it here, sort of like a Reader’s Digest story. Back in 1970, I got a draft notice from Uncle Sam. Shoot fire, I wasn’t worried. I had no family to get me into the National Guard, like potato-head Quayle, so I knew my only option was Canada. I packed all my belongings into a silver-gray 1969 Ford Pinto and headed for Toronto to make my fortune. It wasn’t a fortune, but I WAS hired as a DJ for CKPS (Peace Radio) and got recognition immediately as Cap’n Tom, the longhaired refugee from America. At times, especially when I played Bob Dylan’s "Let’s All Get Stoned," I received over 100 calls per hour, best of any DJ in North America.

This really set me up nicely with the "artistic" community, and before you know it, I was going out with Sharon Stone. That didn’t last long… what can I say about Sharon… But the next thing you know, Madonna gave me a call. This was long before Sean Penn was old enough to legally order a drink. The punk.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, Madonna started to go nutz on me so I dumped her like a load of sour grapes. It wasn’t long after that when I saw Julia, with her wonderful red hair, as the fairy in that Peter Pan movie "Hook." That was all it took. Magic. Somewhere around the time of "Sleeping with the Enemy." The rest, as they say, is history. Happy April Fool’s Day.

Peace. tomiswho@mindspring.com