EVERYBODY SING !
His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name,
"I wasn't getting tail."
He loves to sing it every day,
The White House people all just saaaaaaay,
That Billy Clinton
has a way,
Of making bullshit sound OK !
-Unknown
Night Life of Five Points South.
Adam Whitley
Few areas of Birmingham enjoy the reputation which Five Points South has.
Fewer still would want it.
Once a hotbed of shady goings-on and urban desperation, the area has undergone a renewal, of sorts, but not quite what the city fathers had in mind. One can easily intuit what Mr. Arrington and company were hoping for; all they wanted was an upscale, high-ticket yuppie paradise, complete with fern bars, parking for BMWs, and bottled water on tap.
Not quite.
In its current incarnation, this meeting of streets is also a meeting of cultures. In a four-block area, on a weekend night, one can spot members of every class, tribe, and cult in Birmingham. While the upwardly-mobiles sip microbrews and nibble muffins, the ragtag fugitive freaks patrol the fountain, ever wary for the invasion of polyester and oxford-cloth into their domain. The odd band of bikers roars through, sometimes weekend bikers, sometimes one-percenters, leaving a cloud of exhaust and a bomber-like rumble in their wake. Occasional bands of homosexuals skip through traffic, leaving one club, marching to another, hair perfectly set, shirt and socks matching as only they can manage. Girls in all-natural clothing sip nutrition shakes and nibble vegan food, while discussing the latest edition of their favorite pagan magazine. Local redneck kids in tall trucks cruise slowly through, craning their necks to get the best view of "them damn hippies"....
But Five Points is about more than a potpourri of cultures, or body-piercing, or any of the accessories of modern life. The location is less important than what is happening there, when no one is looking.
Think about it; A biker walks by a hippie. They say "Hey", and "What's up, man?"
A med student looks at a skatepunk with more rings than Liberace, and all in his ears and nose, and says "Hey, dude, got a light?" Moments later, his cigarette is lit, and the skater has one too. Homeless wanderers and derelicts sit, calmly discussing the weather with unemployed musicians, who wonder grimly how far they are from homelessness. Black and white people play billiards together, and when one wins, they shake hands, exchange a fiver, and part, if not as friends, at least as polite associates.
What is happening in Five Points is nothing less than the American Dream at its best. Wildly different cultures observing each other, co-existing without conflict, and perhaps even learning from each other. In a city best known world-wide for police dogs and fire hoses, intolerance and bigotry, a quiet revolution is taking place, not because of a law, or an official act of government, but because people have finally clued in to one of life's greatest wonders.
Different is good. Different is stimulating. Different is proper.
Here, in the heart of the South, we have a chance to touch each others' lives, to show those who may have reviled us that we are interesting, sometimes amazing, people. If we all just relax, have a good time, and keep our minds open, we can, at the least, improve our own concepts of what life is all about, and why people are so different from each other.
So... "Hey Buddy, got a light?"
SO WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Lesson # 1. People are often wrong. Unfortunately, most people refuse to take this into account when they are disagreeing with someone. As a result, arguments escalate, tempers flare, bad things happen, ambulances arrive with shysters in close pursuit. Even in the face of genuine evidence, many people prefer to ignore logic and maintain their position; the Commitee is deciding wether this should be classified as stupidity, stubborness, or negligence.
Assignment: In your next three disagreements, strive to remember that you could be wrong, regardless of your confidence in your information.
Thought questions:
Who the hell are you, anyway? Einstein?! * Opinions are like anuses. Why? *You're sure? Ever been surprised? * If you're so smart, what happened to your wardrobe? * Who was the stupidest person you ever knew? What did they think of their own opinion? * Who was the smartest person you ever knew? Did you ever disagree with him or her? Why? They were probably smarter than you.... *
LESSON #2 People disregard the value of their own mistakes. A mistake
is neither a shame, nor something to be hidden. The entire reason that
humans have physical pain receptors is to quicken the learning process.
Without these nerves and the valuable information they give us about
our screw-ups, primitive man would have exterminated himself while
trying to learn about fire. Those who refuse to learn from their mistakes
are probably too stupid to learn anything at all.
ASSIGNMENT: Admit a serious mistake to a friend and to yourself. Study the
mistake, and write down two things you learned from it. How could you have learned both
of these things at the same time without making the mistake? Which way will have a stronger effect on your future behavior?
This screed brought to you as a public service, in a futile attempt to help society relax, take a deep breath, and act rightiously and politely. We know you'll forget about it as soon as something interesting happens, but it was either this or mass hypnotism, and our gold watch is in pawn.
Comments? Post to Alabama.Birmingham.General on the internet, to the attention of Yojimbo.
Hell no, you can't have my phone number. What am I, an idiot?
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
--Walt Disney
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
--Albert Einstein
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
--Galileo
