because of a kiss......
Well, it would take far too
long to explain, and you really wouldn't care anyway. Suffice to
say that it was not an actual in-the-flesh kiss, but it was a far cry from
the "why don't you update your fucking page before I tear your spleen from
your body and feed it to feral dogs?" kind of arguments that I was
getting from people. Instead of whining about me removing my page
(and yes, before you say it, I am prone to whining myself - that
does not matter here), someone took a totally different approach to mourning
the loss of my web page. In the end, I was required to make a promise,
and I intend to keep this promise.
Hello, Andrea. You
Actually, a lot of you
have won. Julia has won, Brooke has won (now you'll have something
to do at work, Brooke), Ren has won, Naomi has won, and basically, a huge
crapload of you have won. Now I need you guys to do me a favor, though
- I'm going to start drawing inspiration from you. I need you to
send the link to this web page to other people. I need word of mouth
to spread so that I can get new viewers. The "fan base" for this
page has stayed basically within my circle of actual friends, and that
is not a good thing. I want new people to see this page. So
here's what you can do:
E-mail - You're all pretty damned quick to send
out e-mails about cancer-ridden little girls named Crystal who will be
magically cured if we only forward this e-mail to 1,928,100 people.
Why not e-mail my link to your friends, to the people on your e-mail list,
and say "hey, here's a sarcastic, cynical sonofabitch. Go read his
French kiss me - If you're a female and you know
me in actual real life, why not french kiss me? Surprise me.
I doubt very seriously that I will mind, and if you follow it up by saying
"there are more where that came from if you keep updating your page," I
assure you that I will spend at least one evening per week writing for
Search engines - Add me to search engines.
I'm bad at that kind of thing, and I don't feel like paying someone to
do it for me. Know how to get me free advertising? Do it.
Spread the word. Make me easy to find. I'll be grateful, and
I'll update more often.
Rose McGowan - Get me Rose McGowan. Wait.....that
might not work. I'd be way too busy to update my page if you did
that. But hey, Christmas is around the corner, and.....aww, come
It would make me very,
very happy if more people visited my page and left me feedback. Oh,
sure, I'm bad at responding to it.....but trust me - I see it. And
it makes a difference.
This page will be here,
in its updated entirety, on January 1, 2000. What better way to ring
in the new year? Well, yeah, strippers. And casual sex.
But other than that.....my web page! Whee! What can you expect
from my new page? This:
And more stuff, I'm sure. So tune in on January
1 for my new web page, which as of yet has no name. Yay. Be
Pictures - Pictures of me, but not a lot of them.
I'm going to try to get more interesting pictures soon. Very few
pictures of my friends, and even then, only one or two of each. Very
few pictures this time around. And asking to be put on the page means
you won't be put on the page.
Serious writing - You've seen
my poetry, so you know I can do some serious writing. I'll be
adding some short stories of a serious nature, as well as some short essays
dealing with serious topics.
Comedy - E-mails I've actually sent out, including the "Stop Sending
Me Stupid Shit" fisaco from a couple of months ago (which will include
actual responses from people, as well as my responses to them); I
write a hit for LFO, and send it to them (we'll see if I get a response,
and what they have to say about it); various other humorous things that
have not come to me yet.
Voting questions - More voting questions. Weird stuff, mostly.
Crap links - Go forth and mock these people. They suck, and the
world shall know it.
Great links - Where I spend my time on the Internet when I'm not talking
with my friends.
And thank Andrea, everyone. Thank her a
December 12, 1999