Ma'ayan Chutz  (Outsourcing)

Indiaís unpopularity as an outsourcing destination is growing. So who else has the nerve to do the job?
by David Holzel


Just about anyone who has called a big corporation's customer service line or sought tech help for a wayward computer has wound up speaking to a company representative sitting somewhere in India. Outsourcing to that vast sub-continent is a no-brainer for corporations trying to cut costs--India is home to a "vast pool of low-cost, English-speaking and tech-savvy" workers, according to the Washington Post.

Unfortunately, the waters are not calm in that vast pool. Customer service agents often must swim against a tide of "irate, abusive or racist callers," even when the callers learn they aren't paying the long distance charges. The abuse is "psychologically disturbing" for the Indian workers, the Post noted.

In response, call centers have tried to Americanize their presentations and erase the Indian-ness of their workers as much as possible, renaming them "Jim" and "Biff" and "Dubya," for instance. Some go as far as pretending these faceless workers are not in India at all.

"Industry watchers say some call centers have giant TV screens showing the weather in different U.S. cities, the scores from the latest New York Knicks game or news about the latest play on Broadway," the Post wrote. "The agents use the information on the screen to make small talk with the caller and mask their location in India." Part of their training is to watch hours of popular American TV shows.

There's no guarantee that India is going to survive the onslaught of frustrated American consumers, most of whom would prefer to hurl irate, abusive and racist epithets at service workers who are fellow citizens.

Still, if U.S. corporations abandon India, they're likely to just find another pool of English-speaking, tech-savvy workers. This time with thicker skin.


Welcome to the Poxcon Online Instant Message Solution Center!

Please key in your problem and a Poxcon solution dispenser will be with you momentarily. (For quality purposes, this interaction may be monitored.)

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goth_barbie: Hello. I received an email from you saying your Super Speedy Link DSL service was now available in my area for $1.99 a year. When I clicked on the link to apply, it said the service was NOT available in my area. I want to find out which is true, and sign up if I can.

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chandler b: Can I help you?

goth_barbie: Umm, as I just wrote... I received an email from you saying your Super Speedy Link service was now available in my area for $1.99 a year. When I clicked on the link to apply, it said the service was NOT available in my area. I want to find out which is true.

chandler b: Just a minute.

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chandler b: We apologize for the inconvenience caused. You can apply for the Super Speedy Link at the link given below.

goth_barbie: but I already did that. I want to know if I can get the service like the email said or not.

chandler b: Just a minute.

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chandler b: We are sorry to say that we cannot confirm anything regarding the email you received. Your patience is greatly appreciated in this regard.

goth_barbie: That doesnít answer my question.

chandler b: Just a minute.

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chandler b: Thank you for your reply. Do you breakdance?

goth_barbie: ???

chandler b: Breakdance. Or macarena? The macarena is hot.

goth_barbie: Um, r u in India?

chandler b: India? No. No. No. No. That would be outsource. Not even close to India.

Or Israel.

Iím in... Just a minute.

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chandler b: La Crosse, WI, population 51,209, where it is sunny and 57 degrees Fahrenheit. And where tonight, Iíll be watching my favorite reality show, em, how you call it? Saving Remnant? You see Iím very much in America. One hundred percent.

goth_barbie: ic

chandler b: See my name? Chandler B. Just like on Friends. Did you see the last show? I did. On May 6, 2004. It was something special.

goth_barbie: Well, what about my Super Speedy Link? Can you check on that? Iíve been a Poxcon customer for 6 weeks, back when it was still DweeBot.  But ever since your service has been going downhill. Itís almost as if you want to lose my business.

chandler b: Just a minute.

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chandler b: We are sorry for the inconvenience caused. We always love to keep the customers with us for long time.

goth_barbie: Thanks for nothing.

chandler b: Listen. My cousin Motti got the Super Speedy Link. Heís in America.


Like me.
He got the Super Speedy Link and he dropped it like a felafel at the bus station. It just went slowly-slowly.

goth_barbie: So what did he do?

chandler b: He found another way. If youíre interested I can ask him to help you out.

goth_barbie: I donít know how to say this but... Arenít these conversations supposed to be monitored for quality purposes? I mean, arenít you afraid someone is going to find out that youíve been sending business to your cousin?

chandler b: Look. Of course someone is watching. But do you think we donít know who they are? Believe me, we know. Itís not a problem. And we know where they are and how to get to them. And they know we know.

goth_barbie: Dudu?
  chandler b: Mi zo?

goth_barbie: Zot Ma'ayan. Mah nishma?

chandler b: B'seder. Ma'ayan Fishman?

goth_barbie: Betach Ma'ayan Fishman. Mah 'inyanim, Dudu?

chandler b: Kmo tamid. Eich b'chutz la'aretz?

goth_barbie: Nechmad me'od. Chutz me'ha-DSL sheli. Ve'ata? Ma chadash b'Givatayim?
  Who is this?

It's Ma'ayan. How are you?

I'm OK. Ma'ayan Fishman?

Of course Ma'ayan Fishman. What's  up, Dudu?

Like always. How are things abroad?

Great. Except for my DSL. And you? What's new in Givatayim?
I'm not in Givatayim anymore
You're not? Where are you then?

Copyright 2005 © by David Holzel
Thanks to Chate Noire

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