David Vest      
     Bush Through the Ages:
Après moi, je suis le déluge
 

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  Someone recently told me that she can't believe George W. Bush is actually in the White House. "I just can't get used to it. It doesn't seem real," she said.

Believe it or not, he's there all right.

What if Dubya had also "been there" at other key moments in world history? Think how puzzling our textbooks might be had Marie Antoinette, Nathan Hale, or Julius Caesar possessed our president's gift for language.

Take the French Revolution. Imagine you're a high school teacher trying to explain to your students what he meant by "Let cake eat them."

During our own American Revolution, what might Bush not have said?

"I regret that one country is all I get for living. I regret that. It is regretable."

"Give me liberty. Or Death. That's freedom. Give me freedom -- death will give me liberty."

"Don't fire 'till you see if they're white. Or the whites in your eyes."

What if Bush had been, say, Shakespeare?

"What's eating you, Brutey?"

"A horse. A horse. A horse is not a kingdom. It's not my kingdom. There's a difference, folks. I understand that."

Or Poe.

"Quoted the Raven, no moreover. Not ever any more. That's a quote."

Or T. S. Eliot.

"April's a month. It's a cruel month. It's vicious."

Or Ireland's Yeats.

"Catch a cold eye on love. Or death. Pass the horseman by."

Or Churchhill.

"We'll fight the beaches. There's no question about that. Not in my mind. Never. And then surrender."

Or Richard Nixon.

"People have got to know their president, not a crook. Like I am not a president or a crook."

Or Ronald Reagan.

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear this wall up. Or wall this town. What goes down must come back around."

What if Bush were -- Bill Clinton?

"That woman is Miss Lowinesty. She did not have sex with her."

"It depends, is what is the meaning is of is, or what it probably is. I understand that."

What if Bush were not president but The King?

"You ain't nothing but a dog hound, carry all the time."

In yet another of these many lives, Bush might even have been a famous blues singer.

"One night I was laying down. I heard mommy and poppy talking. I heard poppy tell mommy, why not let that boy come out. Give the moogie-moogie thing. It's in him but it can't come out."