| David Vest | |||
| A Brief Nasdaqi Grammar | |||
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Ever visited a demon station? There are lots of them in Nasdaqistan. Over 2,500 of them by one quick count (just do a quick search on your favorite search engine for the word “demonstation” and you’ll see). Even the Air Force has one: the United States Air Force Demonstation Team. Not the military type? Relax. In Santa Cruz, California, there is an Anti-War Demonstation! (Peace-loving devils, aren’t they?) Where do they learn to build all these demon stations? Maybe at the University of Massachusetts-Lowell, which, according to its web site, has a Demonstation School. Are you demon-starting a "poistive" attitude in the workplace? No? Maybe you didn't get started right. At one expensive private school’s web site, you’ll find that “Children need to develop and demonstarte poistive attitudes.” (That’s easy for them to say!) Students seeking financial aid at a major eastern university must “demonstarte sufficient need.” Once they have demon-started their need, they can benefit from standards that assure Excelence and Equity for all Students. With a degree from that university, perhaps you can win the Five Star Award of Excelence offered by a major manufacturer. (Many web sites offer awards for Excelence. Bruce Robb called my attention to one that offers Excelence with Integrity in all its commerical services.) If you win one of these awards, you may need to visit the executive speechwriting site that offers samples of Awards Speches. There are countless ways to get a good educatoin online. Even the religious folk are getting into the act: a Christian Learning Resource web site offers “Instructions for performing over 100 unusual stunts demonstarting cold fire, dust explosions and more.” Who better to inform us of all those fires and explosions started by demons! Something in me loves the sites where excelence is demon-started. Especially when it's spirtual or religous excelence. By now you’ve guessed that all this has nothing to do with the occult. But it does involve the little gremlins known as typos. These are the same culprits who, from their perches in the HTML tags of the world’s web pages, make thousands of Free Downlaods available on the Internet. Thinking of Converting to Naturla Gas? One energy firm says it can show you how! And one university even lists its Faculty of Naturla Sciences online! You must really have to be smart to teach at that school! On one site, the word intelligent becomes Intelligant when you bookmark it. Apparently these people are so intelligant their site IQ declines the moment anyone visits. Other sites are busy offering Company Informatoin (hundreds of sites encourage you to request “informatoin”). Go online and you can learn all about the Benefit Of Perfessional Certification -- you can even get “perfessional credit management” online. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of amatuer assistance available, too. Did you like to Shop Onlien? Many sites offer onlien shopping. Some sites even feature Dicussion Groups. I know, I know. This is like shooting fish in a barrel. Besides, according to more than 1,500 web pages out there, it`s easy to critize. Far be it from me to offer "critism" - as over 3,000 web pages currently do. (I am especially fond of Literary Critism.) After a steady diet of embarrassing verbal glitches, it is a relief to come across a provider offering Comunication Solutions. One state university even has a Mass Comunication Department. Of course, Effective Comunication is always popular. And doubly effective in Flash presentations. Would you believe how many sites specialize in Public Realtions? No, you wouldn`t. You`ll have to see for yourself. (You may also want to see the courses in Pubic Relations offered at more than one university.) Many sites offer assurances of top Qaulity, whatever that is. I found one site dedicated to Qaulity Control & Standards. Looking for Employment Opputunities? Start your browsers! Many of them exist in Tenessee, a state referred to on over 7,000 web pages. According to the University of Tennessee, which would never call itself Tenessee, their scholar/athletes recently played a game against Suthern Mississippi. Sounds like something out of TenesseeWilliams. There are many sites devoted to Business Allainces. Sometimes even Global Allainces. Speaking of global allainces, lest you think the denizens of Nasdaqistan are unconcerned about the welfare of the planet, you should see how many sites are devoted to the enviornment. The moral of this sad lament? Bright people are sometimes poor spellers. Good spellers are sometimes poor typists. Good writers are sometimes in too big a hurry. Everyone makes mistakes. It`s part of the creative process, especially in the white heat of inspiration. The issue is whether customers should be the first to spot them. (If they do, and take the trouble to point them out, thank them and correct the errors promptly.) Keep a sense of humor - and proofread those HTML tags! |