Steele, Inc.-Atlanta Division
 

All I Need to Know in Life
I Learned from Remington Steele
Part 1
by
Debra Talley
 
Originally printed in More Red Holt Steele
 

Love is an enigma; you never know if you're winning or losing...When you've been declared dead, don't use your credit card... Basic black fits any occasion... Always carry your lock pick... Moonlight may be romantic, but it's hell to read by... Never hide an old flame in your bedroom closet... A man's toilet should never be disturbed... A man can doodle on his napkin only so long...Your word is your bond... Every jungle has mosquitoes... Don't wear white shoes in a Mexican bull ring... If you have it, flaunt it... Never be predictable... High school science has a place in real life...There is a movie for every situation... Everyone has their secrets, and their reasons for keeping them... Sometimes your partner needs to hear the words... Some questions are best left unanswered, and some answers are best left unquestioned...The best dance is a slow dance...Never hide an old flame on your balcony...When you run with swine, you begin to resemble a pork chop... One sleeping bag is warmer than two... Someone has to lead... Every plan has a flaw... Microwaves are far more fuel efficient... Never leave your bride as collateral... It's illegal to walk on the streets of Bel Air... Finders' fees are very illusive...Your past always comes back to haunt you... It's harder than it looks to rescue someone on horseback... Sometimes the butler really did do it... A 1936 super-charged Auburn has a lousy turn radius... Always file a tax return... Beware of old flames who return from the dead... Be careful of what you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be... The middle of a dance floor is the perfect place to hide... A warm embrace is better than a bandage... Never trust wimp lawyers... Fear is an intoxicating brew... A mattress makes a good flying carpet... Always remember where you hide the bullets... Take lots of pictures on your honeymoon... Avoid people who smoke cheap cigars... Never hide a body in a tent on the beach... Biting your thumbnail increases concentration... Avoid paintings with curses... Nobody wins the lure...The cost of abusing alcohol is $10.77... Hang on to the evidence at all costs... The truth can be tedious... Always leave the connecting door unlocked... Never lean over a pool of poisonous snakes... You do not cancel Canard au vin rouge... You can never be too diligent... Babies love to hear "MacNamara's Band"... Some things are more important than picture and sound...Three on a honeymoon is a bad idea... Detective work takes more brains than brawn... Never show up wrinkled... You never know when you will need a good alias... Be suspicious if a homicide detective investigates your traffic accident... Always appear icy calm... Avoid Eagle Rock... When visiting San Francisco, always pack a lunch... Never let a man unpack... Anything less than a two year marriage is not recognized by Immigration... Do not wait for a better exchange rate at the bank when flying into Mexico... A perfectly coordinated romantic champagne toast takes practice... Sometimes it's easier to write the words than it is to say them... Some people from our past are meant to never leave us... When alone in an Irish castle on your honeymoon, do not answer the phone... Always check under the bed for lint... Stay out of dungeons... All brides are beautiful... Nothing says "I love you" more than a grand piano with a red bow... Always keep Handi-Wipes in the limo... Always shop early for Christmas... Stay out of jungles... Always give Irish sheep the right of way... Never walk across a busy street carrying a new VCR... Never give away all of your secrets... Sometimes the best cat burglar is not a cat... Buying crutches is cheaper than renting them... When your house is blown up, it helps to have a shoulder to cry on... Noodle soup is soothing... Always carry a compass on your key chain... Irresponsibility is an art... Avoid the beef when in Da Nada... Things stored in wine barrels can spoil in the sun... A cactus does not make a good wedding gift... The penthouse suite is not always what it's cracked up to be... A marriage performed by an acting captain in international waters is just as valid as one performed by the real captain... Good goose takes time... Always defrost a diamond-stuffed tuna before cutting it open... The CIA is listed in the phone book... When planning a ski trip, be sure your tickets are refundable... It's hard to run in bunny shoes... Don't waste any time when showing the people who are close to you how you feel for them... Avoid sharing public transportation with chickens... You cannot outfox the Grim Reaper... Always eat before paying your last respects... Always pack evening wear when traveling...We never outgrow our need to sometimes hide in the laundry hamper... Never sneeze when hiding from an angry mob... Always keep your hands on the wheel... A girl needs pin money... Be suspicious of dirty fingernails in a hospital... A trunk is a good place to hide a body... Always trust your instincts... Never mud wrestle on your wedding day... Always keep sneakers at the office... Read all legal documents before signing them... A Tropical Itch should be stirred, not shaken... When having a serious conversation in an Acapulco restaurant, don't over-tip the strolling musicians...The only battle worth fighting is the Battle of the Sexes... White picket fences and unending smiles do not constitute family life... Doing nothing is harder than it looks... Never throw a dinner party on your honeymoon... Foot stomping is not an acceptable code for silencing your partner...Even a computer has its good points... Never agree to investigate your own robbery...Every disaster offers new possibilities... Periscopes are retractable...When you are miles from civilization, you cannot get a morning paper... Don't believe your own publicity... Don't confuse the message with the messenger... Keep your top desk drawer empty. You never know when you will need the space... There is no better friend than your father... Hurtful words spoken in anger are more painful than blows from a bataka... It is easy to be seduced by the camera... Trusting the one you love is far better than hunting them down, ripping their heart out and scattering it to the four winds, and then jumping off the nearest available building... Your partner's past might be more exciting if you do not know all the details... Have a prayer ready for any situation... Saving someone's life involves responsibility... Rabbits are indestructible... Sometimes the straight and narrow can be very confining... There are worse things to hock than your necklace... A woman can be as stupidly macho as any man... A fictitious man can be troublesome... It hurts a lot when your father abandons you, no matter how old you are... The floors of Irish castles can be very slippery... Sometimes the shortest distance between two lines is an angle... Nothing in life is worth doing unless it can be accomplished by a shortcut... Sometimes a figurehead can develop a mind of its own... Never bull a bull artist... Your fantasies can come true... Look both ways before kissing... Money is the universal language... You are never too old for a career change... Never hide in a coffin...If you do a fan dance on a bar in Acapulco, use large fans... A computer will not give you any pertinent information until you hit "Enter"... Don't blow your cover... Sometimes you have to change your plan... The police are hesitant to interrupt when you are necking at a bus stop... Breaking a door open with your shoulder just gives you a sore shoulder... In life, you take the lemon with the meringue... Never refer to your partner as "work".... Don't be afraid to quit sparring and go into a clinch... Put a smile on your face and be bold... When in doubt, relax... Violence and destruction can give you a hunger... There's nothing like a little swim to keep you fit... If someone claims to be a reporter from TIME, ask to see their credentials before spilling your guts... Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between your worst nightmare and reality... Disgrace can be contagious... If you can't marry the person you love, you might as well be deported...Trust is earned, not bestowed... Don't bet everything on the next roll of the dice... Always respect your partner's nags... It's never a good sign when the door is ajar... Intruding where you are not wanted helps you discover the finer things in life... We all need to be rescued occasionally... Never leave the country without giving your partner a word or a note or at least a collect phone call... Your name is more valuable than the rarest gem... Even a frozen dinner is romantic when served by candlelight... It doesn't matter where you spend Christmas, as long as you spend it with the one you love... There's always that rare bird out there just beyond one's reach... Don't interrupt while you're ahead... Be sure you have good medical coverage... A shower curtain makes a decent cover-up in an emergency... Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between what is personal and what is professional... Some people relish a challenge... Patience is a virtue... Dedication does not punch a time clock... No one is perfect... No one goes to the trouble of pulling off an elaborate scheme without leaving a calling card... You can lead someone only so far... You may forget who you are and what you are, but your heart remembers who you love... Some things are beyond our control... It is discouraging to discover you have more qualifications for your job than your boss does... There are some secrets you simply cannot take with you to your grave... It is far better to have your father step into your life than to step out of it... The job isn't finished until the paperwork is done... It always rains in Paris in the springtime... Some things you enjoy when they are young, impudent, and brash. Some things mellow with age. And then some things never lose their mystery, no matter when you find them... We all miss a step now and then... If you plan to teach the road a lesson it will not soon forget, fasten your seat belt... An early morning jog can be invigorating to watch... Old habits die hard... There is no honeymoon suite in jail... Always carry enough change to make a phone call... Always have a valid passport... Sometimes you have to take a risk and let the chips fall where they may... Check the water level before you dive head-first into a swimming pool... We all need to be saved from ourselves once in a while... Your dreams can help put your life into perspective... It's not safe at all to feel too much too soon... Cover your behind and don't ask questions... It is difficult to maintain a relationship based solely on mistrust... When tailing a suspect, do not wear red... You cannot make a total commitment to your partner until you know who you really are... Never accept a truck ride from a stranger carrying a shotgun... Some partners are more equal than others... Don't allow your mother to choose your career... Sometimes it pays to have friends in low places... Living on the edge can become a bit trying as a steady diet... They don't make gunnysacks like they used to... Hostility is the soul mate of intimacy... The bogs around Dublin can be quite incapacitating... It is amazing how little you can survive on if you really have to... Never kiss a sperm whale without protection... A VCR makes an excellent investigative tool... You can stall for only so long... Always have a Plan B... One never gets used to the idea of imminent death... Where there's a way in, there's a way out... Love is the most powerful force on earth.

 

to Part 2

 
 

Steele, Inc.-Atlanta Div.

All I Need...Manions

 

 
dtalley@mindspring.com
 

The characters of Remington Steele are used without permission.
All original writings copyrighted 1982-2002 by Debra Talley for entertainment purposes only.