Top 10
Most Unlikely Places
- for a
Romantic Interlude on Valentine's Day
-
- 10. in a monastery cellar
9. in the medical lab
at a sleep clinic
8. in the alley
behind the Los Angeles County Jail
7. in the trunk of a car as it goes
through an automated car wash
6. behind a Catelli statue in an art
museum
5. on the edge of an acid
vat
4. the cadavar room at a teaching
hospital
3. on a small cot in a homeless
shelter
2. beneath the body
of a disassembled 1936 super-charged Auburn
speedster
1. in a trash heap amidst a pile of
overturned garbage cans
-
Top 10
Signs Your Partner is Irish
- and
Will Celebrate St. Patrick's Day
-
- 10. He knows Sean O'Casey's
Shadow of a
Gunman forwards,
backwards, and upside down.
9. He knows how to
hook up and drive an Irish trap.
8. His nickname was
"The Kilkenny Kid".
7. He sings
McNamara's
Band as a
lullabye.
6. His lilting brogue is music to
your ears.
5. You can't tell his truths from his
blarney.
4. He can charm the birds right out
of the sky.
3. He's a wonderful
storyteller.
2. He traveled to Ireland in search
of his past.
1. His eyes are as blue as the lakes
of Killarney.
-
-
Top 10
Places Not to Hide Easter Eggs
-
- 10. under the bed with the
lint
9. in a priority mail
cart under a dead body
8. in the middle of the dance floor
at San Francisco's Top of the Mark restaurant
7. in an urn in a
Mexican mortuary
6. in an acid vat at a deserted
factory
- 5. in a grain silo on a pig
farm
4. in a steamer trunk on a boat
dock
3. in a wine vat near
a monastery
2. in a coffin about to be
cremated
1. in a water tank
filled with poisonous sea snakes with lots of
teeth
-
Top 10
Ways
to Create
4th of July Fireworks
-
- 10. Refer to your partner as "the
little woman"
9. Shave your legs
with your partner's razor, thereby nicking the
blade
8. Selfishly rush in
to save your partner's life when they are in deadly
danger
- 7. Leave all of the paperwork for
your partner to complete by themselves
6. Have your partner arrested and
thrown in jail to help you win a bet
5. Insult your partner's freshly
brewed coffee
4. Demand that your
partner plump your pillow, refill your glass, exchange
your lemon for a lime, and be totally at your beck and
call
3. Plan and carry out
an elaborate con behind your partner's back
2. Volunteer your partner to join you
in babysitting overnight for her nieces and
nephew
1. Start the wedding before your
partner arrives at the chapel
-
Top 10
Costume Choices
for the
Remington Steele Investigations Halloween Party
-
- 10. Le Renard
and Nancy Drew (childhood heroes)
9. Remington as Dr.
Watson and Laura as Sherlock Holmes
8. Sean/John Wayne
and Mary Kate/Maureen O'Hara from The Quiet Man
7. Remington as Grey Owl, an
Englishman who pretended to be something he wasn't and
Laura as Pony, the lady who won his heart
6. Dashing Dave and Dollface from
The
Blaster comic
strip
5. Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara,
with Murphy as Ashley Wilkes and Bernice as Sue Ellen
O'Hara
4. Bogie and Becall
3. Nick and Nora
Charles from The
Thin Man movies,
with Doolittle as Asta
2. Richard Blaine and Ilsa Lund from
Casablanca
1. Remington as
George E. Mulch, Laura as Mildred Krebs, George E. Mulch
as Remington Steele, and Mildred Krebs as Laura
Holt
-
-
Top 10
Things
for Which
Laura and Remington Give Thanks
-
- 10. Not being stuck with a herd of
high-tec pigs
9. Knowing that the
next time you break your leg, you won't have to buy
crutches
8. Neighbors who keep
to themselves and don't complain about the strange
happens at all hours of the day and night
7. Good medical
coverage
6. A hard skull that
recovers quickly from repeated head clonking
5. A successful,
rewarding job on the right side of the law
4. Knowing that your partner's family
is now your family as well
3. A surrogate mother
who provides both praise and constructive
criticism
2. Knowing that you've made peace
with your past
1. Knowing that,
thanks to a push from Immigration, you'll be spending the
rest of your life with the love of your life
-
Top 10
Things
Not to Give
Your Partner for Christmas
-
10. a free week at The Golden Dugout
9. a money clip--cash
is too bulky
8. a gift certificate
to The Gap
7. a case of Martin
Rome's caviar
6. a pleated
muffler
5. a Scotch plaid
tuxedo
4. a certificate for
a year's worth of computer classes
3. Butch Beemis'
latest book, Bury
Me Beneath the Mistletoe
2. shares in *any* of
George E. Mulch's inventions or business
endeavors
1. a cruise aboard a
Mexican fishing trawler
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dtalley@mindspring.com