Laura and Remington's Top 10

Rejected Anniversary Celebrations

 

10. a Rocky Sullivan concert

9. a private performance by Toni and Teri of My One and Only

8. a weekend camp out at Howardsville

7. a romantic weekend at the Gold Hotel

6. a weekend at the Friedlich Sensitivity Spa

5. a nostalgic weekend at the Devil's Playground

4. an all-night showing of Hot Hips Holly

3. a candlelight gourmet dinner with Juan, the two deck hands, and Gladys Lynch as dinner guests

2. a week in the Hotel del Amor's penthouse suite

1. *anywhere* with Mildred or Tony-the-rat

 

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Top 10 Things Laura and Remington's

Children Will Never Have to Do

 

10. wake up in a gym locker with total strangers

9. snatch a sled on Christmas

8. sleep on the streets

7. pick pockets to survive

6. beg for food

5. wonder what their real names are

4. spend years searching for their father

3. be afraid of commitment

2. doubt their parents love for each other

1. doubt their parents love for them

 

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Laura and Remington's

Top 10 Emergency Weapons

10. trash can lids

9. golf balls

8. a plaster cast

7. crutches

6. nail clippers

5. an empty soda bottle

4. wrench

3. telephone receiver

2. Irish sheep

1. a gum ball dispenser

 

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Top 13 Places Not to Hide

 

13. in a cave where the only way out is underwater

12 in a corn field in the middle of nowhere

11. in the back seat of a suspect's car

10. under the bed next to a skittish cat

9. in the dark on all fours next to a woman wearing high heel shoes

8. in an all night porno theater

7 in an old flame's apartment

6. in a coffin at a mortuary

5. on a dangling meat hook in a dark alley

4. in a very messy bathroom at a convention hotel

3. in the dressing room at a strip joint

2. in the run-off tunnels of the "Los Angeles River"

1. in a sleazy motel room paid for with a dead man's credit card

 

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Top 10 Places to Hide

 

10. Hoover Dam

9. on top of a bus

8. on a public beach

7. in the middle of a dance floor

6. in the shredded money receptacle at the Federal Reserve Bank

5. behind the "kissing wall" at the Griffith Park Observatory

4. in the underground tunnels beneath Rossmore Ave.

3. in the trunk of a taxi cab

2. behind a newspaper

1. in a Priority Mail cart

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