Top 10 Things Not to Do

When an Old Flame Shows Up

 

10. stuff them in the bedroom closet

9. hide them on the balcony

8. have them hunker down beside the kitchen cabinets

7. shove their coat under the coffee table

6. agree to help them steal a famous painting from an art museum

5. do a strip tease for them

4. turn them over to Scotland Yard

3. ignore your partner while you stare at them

2. introduce them as your sister or brother

1. kiss them within an inch of their life in order to make your partner jealous

 

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Laura and Remington's

Top 10 Romantic Mementos

 

10. a silver heart necklace

9. a purloined invitation to Devil's Playground

8. a Courtney doll and tube of Ben Gay

7. an original drawing of Dashing Dave and Dollface

6. a photograph of a Long-legged Field Darter

5. smutty little love poems from Laura's first "secret admirer"

4. the sensitive letter Remington gave Laura during walk on beach

3. a key to an ice cream truck

2. a black grand piano

1. a passport in Remington Steele's name

 

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Laura and Remington's Top 10

Recurring Child-rearing Disagreements

 

10. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for the children to help you collect larcenies for your scrapbook."

9. "If Rocky is the only babysitter you can get, then let's just forget the symphony!"

8. "The baby is only 3 weeks old. How much of The 39 Steps do you think he'll understand?"

7. "Mr. Steele, please! Not in front of the children!"

6. "Be sensible. The last time we took the children to the circus on a school night, they fell asleep in class."

5. "No, you will not order pineapple pizza again! From now on if I cook it, you eat it!"

4. "What do you mean we'll just take the baby with us when we break into the museum?!"

3."Do you think it's a good idea for the children to see you eating chocolate quite so erotically?"

2. "I don't think teaching the children to pick locks is the best way to improve their fine motor skills!"

1. "They only want to spend the night with Frances and Donald. It's not like they're asking to go play in the run-off tunnels with rats."

 

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Remington Steele's

Top 10 Wardrobe Tips

 

10. Don't wear a white suit or white shoes in a Mexican bull fighting arena.

9. If you must carry a gun, tuck it in the back waistband so it won't ruin the line of the suit.

8. Sunglasses are appropriate for any occasion.

7. Cash is bulky and ruins the line of the suit.

6. Never show up wrinkled.

5. Every suit needs a matching pocket handkerchief.

4. Wear basic black when either cat burglaring or romancing.

3. Never run a marathon in a suit and tie.

2. Always dress for the part.

1. Never ever, under any circumstances, splatter mud on a tuxedo.

 

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Laura's Top 12

Terminal Flights of Frivolity

 

12. playing hooky from the Agency to practice for a triathlon

11. driving down Malibu Canyon without brakes

10. taking a spur of the moment flight to London without a passport

9. necking at a bus stop on streets of Bel Air.

8. betting a romantic weekend in Paris against a year of Remington's mysterious past

7. getting gambling fever in Las Vegas

6. spending a weekend on the Devil's Playground with Remington

5. purloining Pitkin paintings

4. doing a fan dance on a bar in Acapulco

3. doing a strip tease in a winery to help an old boyfriend hide a dead body

2. creating a decidedly masculine superior

1. marrying an illegal alien on a tuna boat in international waters

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