1. Exclaim "Wow!" as you drive
across the Ashford
Castle bridge and
enter the grounds of the castle.
2. Stand at your bedroom window
pinching yourself as you take in the view
of the fountain and lake on the grounds beneath
you.
3.
Stand on the
front steps at the main
entrance to
Ashford Castle and grin like a possum.
4.
Go berserk in the
Boutique buying official Ashford souvenirs.
5.
Lie awake at
night with a grin on your face as you listen to the
soothing melodious sounds of the water splashing in the
fountain beneath your window.
6. Take photos of the castle
and the grounds
from every conceivable angle.
7. Have someone take your
picture in
front of Ashford Castle, thereby proving you were really
there.
8.
Walk down to the
pier and take a cruise
on Lake Corrib in
the freezing rain. Then snuggle up beside the space
heater and listen as the captain entertains you with his
stories about being an extra in the "The Quiet Man" and
of meeting Pierce Brosnan at his Aug. 2001
wedding.
9.
Constantly fondle
your Ashford
room key in an
effort to convince yourself that you are not
dreaming.
10. Become thoroughly confused trying
to follow the maps to the various locations on the castle
grounds.
11.
Take a
picture
of your room as
soon as you arrive, while everything is still
spotless
12.
Try to look
inconspicuous as you wander through the entire castle
searching for the marble staircase that was used in
"Steeled with a Kiss." When you do not find it, try to
think of a subtle way to ask the maids where that
staircase might be.
13.
Walk multiple
blisters on your feet while unsuccessfully trying to find
the location of the 'Glen Cree' fight scene from
SWAK.
14.
Wander through
the entire first floor of the castle looking for the
huge, gold-framed
mirror that was
used by HELLO! magazine for the photo shoot from Pierce
Brosnan's wedding.
15.
Enjoy every
scrumptious bite of the most delicious breakfast buffet in all of Ireland.
16.
Speculate about
the location of the Presidential Suite/Honeymoon Suite as
you wander through every hallway, stairway, crack and
crevice in the castle. When you finally do find its
probable location, stand in the corridor outside of it
and sigh.
17.
Play a game of
Snooker in the room next to the Dungeon Bar.
18.
After your
combination shower/bubble bath in the over-sized, elegant
tub, savor the regal plushiness of the complimentary
white slippers and terry cloth robe, both of which are
embellished with the official Ashford Castle
crest.
19. Have your picture taken in front
of the same fireplace that was used by HELLO! magazine
for the photo shoot from THE wedding.
20.
Follow in the
footsteps of Remington and Mildred by strolling beside
Lake
Corrib in the
late afternoon.
21. Look in vain for drain pipes that
could be used for climbing down while making fast escapes
from the bedrooms on the upper floors.
22.
Assign TonytheRat
the tiny, dark, musky room in the tower near the lake.
23.
Feel like
royalty while sipping complimentary bottles of Irish
Sparkling water and Irish Still water from the wine
glasses in the bathroom.
24.
Consider eating
a meal which costs 55 Euros in Ashford's elegant,
award-winning dining room, but then decide you'd rather
eat something you can pronounce (like lasagna with
mushroom gravy served with boiled potatoes and other
fresh vegetables) at Michilin's Restaurant in the nearby
village of Cong.
25. Talk to total strangers about PB
and his wedding bash.
26.
Search high and
low for Ashford Castle's Celebrity Photo Wall. When you
find it, search each and every photo until you finally
locate the one taken of PB posing in the kitchen with the
kitchen staff during the filming of "Steeled with a
Kiss".
27.
Cozy up to
the knight in the
main entrance.
28.
Sit a spell, sip
a Coke, and listen to the Irish singer in the Dungeon
Bar, where PB and his best man 'tipped a few' the night
before THE wedding.
29.
Search the entire
basement of the castle in a vain effort to locate the
dungeon where Remington 'roughed up' the furnace
repairman.
30.
Buy Ashford
Castle postcards with the intention of mailing them to
everyone you know, but then decide you'd rather
*experience* Ashford instead of just writing folks about
it.
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dtalley@mindspring.com