Stick THIS up your Browsers!

Why I
hate My new Car

My pretty white Toyota Supra got all broken AND DIED- the engine blew for the second time, and enough other things were wrong that the repair station refused to fix (It would have cost me way too much - and some things they just couldn't find!).

So I got a new car.

AHEM. Actually this is a Chrysler LeBaron a friend lent me. It looks cool in the picture, and is cool at heart. But it needs a LOT of work. But it is a convertible! A leaky one. And starts bouncing around 45mph. And I kinda got pulled over driving it, and the nice officer explained that I was in violation of about 15 laws, so GO HOME and DO NOT drive this car again. I took his advise. And bought a Saturn.

This is my NEW Saturn! I shouldn't say that I hate it. I just feel it has a few shortcomings that I've mis-spelled and hilighted in the picture at right. My Supra had all of these - and more luxury features. Many of which stopped working over the 10 years that I had it. SO really, I was doing without the luxuries. I was just used to the fact that they had been there at one time, and that comforted me, and made me feel superior.

However, my new car can do one thing the Supra couldn't. IT CAN BE A DALMATION! Actually, it looks like it got a SERIOUS visit from Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo.

Don't get me wrong... Saturn makes REALLY NICE cars, and this is no exception. Great gas mileage, and very nice handling. The engine is spotless, and there are no leaks.

I test drove another Saturn which had electronic everything, and had a much more sophisticated air. But it was gold. I hate gold. It had a beige interior. I hate beige.

So I'm driving this car, feeling kinda let down, like 'oh, it's just a rental' kindof feeling. And I see all these people in not only broken down heaps that make me feel the LeBaron is a classic diamond in the rough (oh, sorry... it is), but there's all these initially nice looking cars, but when I see who makes them they're - UGH ! Ford ESCORTS! People still buy those peices of trash, so Ford keeps making them. It's not so much disdain as it is pity that I look upon these unsuspecting peasant consumers and their death buckets of plastic and tin. THAT makes me feel superior. Reminds me of a joke I used to say to a dear friend, who's Escort was in the Garage a lot. "Say, Have You Driven a Ford Lately?".

Then I see this pretty girl in a primarily orange escort, one door is blue, the bumper is smushed, and a tail-light is hanging out and rusted all around the rear fender, and she's retouching her lipstik in the rear view mirror (I doubt she ever uses it to see behind her) that's hung with beads, feathers, a kewpie doll, and a ticket that says 'Las Vegas' in big letters, and an 'emergency' scrunchie that I'm sure she uses when she's out clubbing.

She's sexy, young, honey blonde, and would LOVE a car like this Saturn. It belongs to her.

Guys like me, I should be restoring the LeBaron, and putting it on the 'Oldies' station to relive the glorious crazy 80's with Flock of Seagulls, Berlin, The Cure, and sometimes Enya, while making out in the backseat with a divorcee who wishes to relive HER mad romp through the 80's as well.

"Leland, is that a stick shift?" "No, this is an automatic transmission." "I didn't mean THAT" "Oh. um... "

FoxC1@Mindspring.com Please note this is also my spamcatcher address, so I probably won't read what you write.

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      /ox Out. .."A quantum chicken occupies both sides of the road...  until it's run over."

You're sucker #