Entry #3 - The Birthday Article!
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 I dedicate this article to my late partner, Buddy, who passed away 14 years ago at 11:58pm on May 28th.

Happy, happy birthday, happy birthday! This is the time of year to have a lot of fun! Do you remember singing that song? I remember it well and have friends who also know it all too well. Timmy in Oregon was the worst at singing it and it often came regardless of anyone's actual birthday.

For a very long time birthdays were a very important part of my life. My late partner, Buddy was so involved with them and believed in making the most of them. After his death it took a long time for me to get back into the swing of the celebration, but with time comes healing and growth and changes. I am trying to be better with my friends and family in recognizing the personal holiday again. For me personally, I wake on that day amazed that I am yet here and my mind remains clear and with the knowledge that eventually I will roll out of bed, shake out the cobwebs, complain about my creaking bones and stumble blindly towards the smell of life... coffee! Actually, I wake up that way pretty much everyday, however on my personal holiday I usually think about the fact that as a gay man and a long term HIV survivor, I remember that I have lived a long time. 48 is older for gay men now. By the time we reach 50 we have old age in the bag. Those of us who live longer are lucky for long life, some of us who do not are lucky to have lived and lived fully.

In any case, over the years I have participated in some fun parties, trips, personal joy and loads of laughter. I know it is a popular saying that it takes a fairy to know what's pretty, but it is also commonly known that the birthday fairy is a gay man, and honey, I can tell you, that kid knows how to throw a shebang. That may sound a bit on the brash side, however when the shoe fits... (hopefully the shoe will be fashionably festive, but in good taste).

My late partner, Buddy, was good at planning trips around his birthday. The date was January 10th and we both enjoyed trips in winter. Winter brings less tourists and easier access to fun activity. On his 38th birthday in 1982 we took a trip to Florida and we were planning to stay in Cocoa Beach, but we ended up in North Palm Beach. It was nice and sunny over the 4 days we planned to be there. We had difficulty finding a beach access area and finally, seeing groups of people entering a wooded area, we parked and found trails going out to the beach. We gathered our things and headed to the water. I remember being so pleased that the water of the Atlantic was so crystal clear and blue that I headed to the waters edge. When I got there I was alone, Buddy was still by the trees waving for me. Then I looked around and I saw why. We had entered onto a swimsuit optional area! We both decided, “What the hell” and attended to our sun and water fun. The thing that struck us both was that for a nude beach, we both felt the crowd should have taken the option and kept their clothes ON! At least I can say the majority of them had good tans. Everywhere! Both Buddy and I dared each other to “bare it all”, neither of us did except that Buddy did find it important to “Moon” me, which became a mandatory activity wherever we traveled .

On another birthday,1983, Buddy had to go to New Jersey for his job and his employer, RCA, had an apartment in New York City, so we decided to spend his birthday in Manhattan. The apartment on the Upper West Side, West 73rd I believe, was a one-bedroom place fully furnished. It was a nice building only a block off of Central park. We spent the weekend playing tourist, went to museums, cabbied down to Rockefeller Place and saw the RCA Studios (NBC). We watched skating under the New York Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center, then down to Times Square for 2 plays, Torch Song Trilogy and Dream Girls, then to Radio Music Hall for a quick tour before heading to Washington Square and Greenwich Village for cocktails and dinner at a quiet restaurant on Christopher Street. We were in Manhattan for 2 and 1/2 days only, but we kept going as long as our legs held out. Luckily we had a neighborhood Italian store with wonderful espresso, open late; for us a lifesaver. The custom “Mooning” happened on a walk from the Museum of Natural History to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Needless to say others who also happened to be walking there also were treated to the "Moon" over Manhattan, but like true New Yorkers, no one took any notice.

On his 41st birthday in 1985 we had been in Arizona for Christmas with my Folks and we planned to go to Denver to check out the city as we considered a move there. We spent over 2 weeks in the Mile High City and had a very good time. It was near there and on his birthday that I taught Buddy the sport of Nordic skiing. He didn't care for it at first as he fell more than he made any progress. We spent a couple of hours out in the woods near Breckinridge Colorado with nothing but snow and trees and views of mountains all around us. Buddy only managed to trip me 6 or 7 times and pelt me with snow, however the day was warm and overall we had a great time. Buddy and I continued to Nordic ski the next 6 years whenever possible. It took death to stop that man and as far as I know he is still skiing on the clouds. That afternoon we visited a small neighborhood gay bar called R & R for a couple of drinks ( seems that Colorado folks are particularly fond of schnapps, any flavor, and believe me there are many!), we went to a very nice dinner and back to our hotel. We got changed and headed to the indoor pool as evening set in. The pool was also heated and there was a large whirlpool near the windows. We swam a bit and then relaxed in the whirlpool easing our weary beaten up ski-bunny bodies, when all of a sudden Buddy shot up and out near the windows, and there with the falling snow he again “mooned” me. The scene was picture perfect till a young couple came into the pool area. The swim trunks covered in a flash and we soon left, never knowing if they too had the view of a full moon over the falling snow.

Buddy knew how to have fun and there has never been anyone who could make me laugh with the pure abandonment of a child like Buddy did. I still laugh and often hard, but the man knew how to strip me of any modesty and make me laugh in a most embarrassing giggle, snork, gasp for breath way.

Some birthdays for friends also involved trips and usually not far from home, however every bit as scenic and silly. They were an institution with Loosee and other friends, but the Loosee Birthday Bashes on the Oregon Coast were some of the very best birthday trips. They were held at a place called Ester Lees in Lincoln City, Oregon. It is a large group of 2 story apartments on a small ledge, each with a full kitchen and fireplace and each overlooking the beach. A few months after meeting Loosee he invited us to go to the beach for his birthday. We were going to get a place for the three of us and then other friends would come out and get their own rooms and we would all get together on Saturday for the big Birthday dinner. I picked Loosee up in the early afternoon and we rode together to Buddy's job and picked him up and off we went. Loosee and I, not being the designated driver, had cocktails in the car while poor Buddy had to listen to us giggling and talking all the way to the beach ( 2 hours worth). We got a nice 2-bedroom apartment, got together wood for the evening and went out for drinks and dinner. While out to several of Lincoln City's finest booze pits, Loosee managed to charm the bar staff with his “Oh Miss... we're parched and if I don't have something to drink RIGHT NOW, I will waste away to nothing”. I also remember that a patron came over and began telling an anti-Semitic joke, to which Loosee began telling the guy that “as a Jewish American Indian” he was so terribly hurt and saddened by the guy's jokes concerning “My people, who never did anything to hurt you” and the guy became very meek and apologized profusely to Loosee and to which Loosee continued on and on about the plight of his Jewish family and how difficult it was growing up a “Jewish American Indian Princess” (yes, he used the term Princess).

We didn't stay too long anywhere, but at the next cocktail lounge at the Inn at Spanish Head, a few young people came over to our table and introduced themselves, Loosee introduced himself as “Loosee” and they asked about the name, to which Loosee told them that when he was born his parents didn't know for sure if he was a girl or a boy and so wanting a girl they named him Loosee. One of the guys asked why they kept his name and Loosee promptly said “Well you know those Catholics”, and proceed to tell them he was a good Catholic and that he thought about being in the church, but that he didn't like the dresses and didn't think Father Loosee would be a respectful Catholic name.

We all slept in the next day until two of Loosee's friends knocked and we all attempted to wake Loosee. About an hour or so later when he did get up we all got ready and went to the near by town of Newport, Oregon to shop for shrimp. While in a line at the fish market we heard someone hollering for Loosee and sure enough, a friend of his was making his way across the street to see Loosee, to which we all began the “You just can't take Loosee anywhere, someone is gonna' know him no matter where you go”.

That evening with a group of about 10 people we had a big spaghetti dinner and prepared to walk to the beach for a large beach fire. Loosee insisted on mixing big pitcher of a drink called “Bailey's Comet”, we all went down, got a big fire going and began to party with the comets which tasted like sweet cream. I thought they were just Bailey's Cream Liquor and cracked ice; nobody told me they also included 100 proof vodka. They go down like cream and it didn't take long till I couldn't walk well. On the way back to the room I took a nosedive into the gravel on the hill. I guess it was a good thing I didn't feel anything, because the next day, both of my eyes were black and blue. The remainder of the trip I was referred to as Gracie the ballerina. Thankfully it was Sunday and we left early.

We went on the trips every year with Loosee and November has not been the same since. The last bash I went to as a guest was as big as ever, but as I also came to take Buddy's ashes to Yahats to put into the ocean, I was not in as festive a mood. The dinner bash happened in spite of a huge storm and wind gusts of over 100 miles per hour. We were keeping an eye on the picture window, which bowed with every gust, and at one point we were told to stay inside and wait because there was a possibility of evacuation due to the storm. The party was a success and I told Loosee later it was just Buddy participating in the fun.

When I moved to the Oregon Coast and had the Inn, I hosted the party and although I came over to visit, I didn't partake in the party, except to spend little time with Loosee. I think the Loosee bash will be remembered by so many who are still living there in Portland, so many have passed away, yet for the ones who live on, we will remember how we all looked forward to November and Loosee's Traditional Birthday Bash at the beautiful Oregon Coast!

Another fun birthday with another friend from Portland. This friend was also a Kenny. This Kenny was a good person who I believe felt he wasn't significant enough in our lives. Being so he felt he had to throw a party for himself. Now in general the group of people I associated with in Portland did not have big parties for birthdays with the exception of Loosee, but we did have smaller private birthday dinners or drinks and Kenny was always part of that. He was easy to buy for as he drank the poor mans' Bloody Mary which is a beer with a bit of tomatoes juice. Kenny decided to have a party at his apartment building one year for a group of he friends and also for his birthday. It was a no-gift affair and we all brought food and Kenny supplied the salmon. it was a nice time and once we all got the balloons tied around our neck and blew bubbles and had sparklers, we even got to eat. Seems like we did a good deal of silly things for grown men, but then... “it takes a fairy...”.

Another year Kenny had received some kind of a settlement and we met him at the local bar and he shuttled us off in a stretch limo to the local Safeway Food Store, we picked up shrimp, a picnic and lots of champagne. What fun riding all over the downtown streets of Portland, silly and tipsy; heads, arms and whatever else fit through the sun roof, waving and shouting at everyone we could, yelling “Hi honey”, and “Get out of the way”. We were driven to Washington Park, which is in the west hills overlooking the city. There in Portland's International Rose Test Garden, eight somewhat intoxicated gay men stepped out in June for a picnic in the roses. We ate and watched the lights come up on the city and later after being shuffled around to various bars, we were taken to our front doors and said good night. Kenny didn't get a big party or a major event like Loosee, but he did throw an imaginative party and made sure everyone else had a good time.

Other birthdays are memorable, some were mine, but I am not the object of these stories. I remember a wonderful hike with Timmy from Portland, we headed up the Columbia Gorge and into the waterfall district to an area called Eagle Creek. It was fall, cool and sunny and we had our typical “lunch” and a few joints to keep us silly. I also remember taking a video camera and getting some good film - I still retain some of it. We came upon Horseshoe Falls and a stream; to see the falls fully one has to wade into the creek. I, of course, waded and filmed and did just fine until I tried to get back out. I have a knack of head first diving when I fall; this was no exception. I kept the camera dry however, but my left arm and that camera were the only areas not wet and very, very cold. It would have been okay except the truck was almost 5 miles away and that is a long walk in cold, wet clothes. Needless to say I dried and didn't care much after a little birthday lunch! To this day I love to tease Timmy, because for 2 months out of every year, I get to point out to him that he is 2 years older than I, the rest on the year he is only one year. He hates when I rub it in, but I am ruthless.

In Arizona I met a good friend Bob who I had the pleasure of spending many nice evenings. We met weekly for dinner in downtown Prescott Arizona, a town of nearly 35 thousand people in the mountains. The town has some good places to eat and a very fun Karaoke bar. By this time, I had stopped drinking and Bob and I made it a point to go on nights when we knew the place would be full and very drunk locals would be singing their “hearts” out. It was however a good thing they were drunk and tone deaf, because it was horrible. We sipped colas and smiled and there were times Bob talked to “others” also as he was the “social animal”. Too many of the people there were a bit on the seedy side, but everyone was respectful and had to be, the bouncer was a huge Navajo who took no crap. I did end up meeting several other people there, none of which remained friends, but they were nice. Bob and I always met for birthday dinners and then to the bar. I don't know why we kept going back as the same people sang the same songs in the same horrible way week after week, but there are times when saying happy birthday can mean just letting go and croaking out a tune!

Today I have given more importance to birthdays and I usually commemorate the day with a card, and for some of the younger people in my life, a gift. I think the people who really got the birthday bug rolling in me again were a combination of my current partner Ray and a family of friends he has in Phoenix. I met Ray while I was living in Arizona and he is only the second person whom I have ever been “In-love” with. He came along at a time I decided I would remain single the rest of my life. How silly to make a decision like that, it usually is followed with the earth moving and love falling in on you! Ray came with a delightful bit of family/friend baggage. This family has known Ray for more than 30 years and they are indeed family to him. I am pleased they took me into their birthday rituals. On each person's birthday, or as close to it as possible, a dinner is planned. The birthday person decides where they will go and all meet at a restaurant for an evening of good food and wonderful company. The birthday person can also have a dinner at home if desired. Each of these events has been great fun for all of us, whether it was Gene, J.R., Donna, Ray, Lee or Bea. One birthday for Bea, the matriarch, was at her son Gene's home and I got to do the cooking. I still remember the roasted garlic being a hit and with a little wine Ray became the hit of the party causing us all to laugh ourselves silly. Bea also threw a wonderful 80th at a restaurant and the place was filled with family and friends. Gene, her son, also had his 50th there, where he received a cane with a mirror and horn so he can stroll with style. This group, though left behind in Arizona, is greatly missed when a birthday rolls around. I am thankful to have had so many people besides my own family to celebrate with. It makes life a little more fun and although the day reminds us we are a bit older, they also allow us to remember there is still a kid inside of us. With the right people around, that kid comes right out and the laughter begins.