Entry #4

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As I write the book Life at Daybreak, Laughter at Night, one of the areas I find with so many of the friends and acquaintances I have had are the need for so many of us to have pets. Pets are a great comfort to so many people and gay people are no exception. Since so many of us do not have children, our pets become our children and we coddle them as if they were human. I grew up around cats and dogs and I am an animal lover myself. Here in Savannah, there seems to be a great love affair going on with dogs. All kinds and shapes can be seen any day in Forsyth Park or at the dog park of the Starlight District. I am concentrating on the pets who only get mentioned in the book because of the way they affect each friend who has them as family members. However, here I will go into them a little deeper. I am sitting here waiting to hear back from the vet on my current pet, a mixed Doberman/Shepard named Ginger. Ginger and I have a strong bond; she keeps me company daily as I am home most of the time. AIDS has touched me personally, but I am a survivor and Ginger helps me to remember life is for the taking. My partner Ray also loves her dearly and she him, but she and I have the bond. I took my big mean baby in because as strong as she tries to be, she runs and hides whenever I try to trim her nails. The vet tried once and she had so much anxiety, he sent her home with a sedative and no clipped nails. She has to be sedated to have them cut. Funny, the Doctor told me she has separation anxiety as well, but today I find she is not the only one with separation anxiety. On to other friends. I look back over the years and it seems that there were times that I noticed that so many gay people had cats. If you were a man and a cat lover, you were sure to have a little fairy in you. So many cats for so many gay men. The lesbians I knew also had cats in abundance. It seemed for a time that gay people needed to have a cat or two or three, in order to maintain the status quo. I even had cats, not only because I love cats, but because I also thought it was a good thing as a gay man and it helped me to relate to other gay cat lovers. It seems for a time in the late 70's and 80's that everyone was talking about kitty and what they were doing and how funny they were. Cats also made good pets for singles who wanted companionship without the fuss. It allowed one to go out and party, return the next day and not be missed. It also let one go for a couple of days to camp, or travel or spend a weekend with that special future ex-husband or wife. Cats also did not have to impress the new boyfriend or girlfriend and the new boy or girl friend didn't have to like the cat. The cat didn't care, anyway. My friends Jay and Jim in Atlanta are big cat lovers and I can't remember a time when they didn't have cats around the house. In the 80's I remember their two tomcats, Bobby and Jack. They also had a little girl kitty who I don't remember seeing much and don't remember the name, but the boys were beautiful, Bobby a black and white and Jack a solid black cat. Both were big and fairly friendly. They have two new ones now and it seems when we have nothing else to talk about, we talk about the goings on of the cats. They are the prefect cat people and the cats there rule the house. There were so many other friends with cats that I can't recall all the names of the pets. I remember Joanne a friend in Atlanta had a small dog and many cats. She had a knack for finding abandoned cats and taking them in. She one day begged me to take a new cat she had found walking on her car one morning. I had no intention until I met him. It was love at first sight and Charlie came home with me. A few days later Joanne had another cat she was trying to get rid of and soon after a whole litter. Seems there can never be too many cats, or can there? Even Loosee had a cat. Loosee swore he would never have a pet, didn't have time, but when his land lords and neighbors both passed from AIDS leaving a cat behind, Loosee adopted her. When I moved from Atlanta in 1987 to Portland, Oregon, we met a whole new crop of friends and another strange thing occurred to me. It seemed that very many of the people there who were gay had dogs, but one kind was prevalent. The Cocker Spaniel. For a while everyone we met had one, John and Roger had theirs, Kelly had one, Daniel had one, DD had one, Sherrie had one, Jeff had one. We began to feel out of place when some of us got together with our pets, all cockers except our two, a golden retriever and a Lab/Austrian Wolfhound mix. Our two dogs towered over the others and were calm in a sea of yipping and jumping. As I think about pets friends have had over the years, one thing does stand out. Most pets adopt us and not the other way around. When people adopt a pet and the pet doesn't feel the same, the relationship is doomed for failure. Divorce is so commonplace with humans, in human-to-human relationships and in human-to-pet relationships. To drive home the point, go to any shelter and see all of the animals who have been abandoned. When a successful adoption has taken place, it is easy to see why as the pets often mirror us. I see it in my own pets over the years. Chauncy, my Golden Retriever, was blond like me and had a smile that matched my ongoing irritating laughter. Jett, who was Buddy's dog, was silly, smart and down to earth. A caregiver who worked behind the scenes and snuck love in to a high degree till you automatically fell head over heels in love with her. So like buddy. After Buddy's death, Jett adopted me very quickly and we actually became closer than Chauncy and I. Chauncy died soon after Buddy from Cancer and left Jett and I to manage together. I also had three cats and they are yet another story. Jay and Jim's cats, Bobby and Jack, also reminded me of them; Jack, the pretty black cat who was kind and smart and so like Jay; and Bobby, the black and white who was easy going and quiet and so like Jim. I don't know the two they have now, but I am sure the same kind of parallels can be drawn. I even understand the Cockers being like their people; my friend in Portland DD had one who was so much like him, silly and loud, cute and very active. DD is like that and everyone loves to be around him. He has a great sense of humor and commands a room, kind of like his dog who runs around a room and takes charge. My friend Bob from Arizona has 4 animals, two cats who both take some of his personality, one is shy and sweet and the other is aloof and smart and will bat you with a paw as to look at you. Yet both keep you interested and coming back to see them. His dogs, Pal and Buddy are also two aspects; Pal is sweet and friendly and loves to cuddle and is very smart and silly, Buddy is sweet and funny and sometimes acts as if he is always in trouble or the bad guy. He isn't bad at all, just insecure. So like their dad. Bob is all of those things and is so in tune with each of his pets, they all love him and act out his personality is their own way. I even found it funny when a friend Kevin in Portland introduced me to his two dogs. Kevin is tall and somewhat heavy and has two very cute Chihuahua dogs. Both are a bit over weight and sassy and exactly like Kevin. My friend Sarah in Arizona has a Maltese dog, white and fluffy and yappy and very sweet and so like Sarah. She was adopted by the dog when the dog's original owner passed her off to Sarah. The two are made for each other. Sarah is a very outgoing talkative, friendly and very sweet person. She does not call attention to herself, but draws people to her. Her dog "Tikki" is exactly like that, she yips and wanders and gets into mischief and has to be helped out. It is usually Sarah who has to help and she scolds the dog and the dog yaps right back at her. Over the years so many of the friends I have had, also have animals as part of their family. It seems natural to gravitate towards this commonality with other people. There is an understanding of the need for animals in our lives. Our familiars, our children, often so intricate a part of the family that huge holes appear when they are gone. They are so like my human friends, so here's to you my wonderful animal family members who are gone now, Chauncy and Jett my dogs, Charley #1 and Charlie #2, Chester and Marty. You are all missed and all part of a great family of friends. My newest dog Ginger has been a challenge due to health issues, but she, too, is part of that special family of friends. I wonder sometimes where we as humans would be without our pets. I know many people that because of their animals lived longer in the face of AIDS and other illnesses. I know pets improve our health, our blood pressure and our attitude about life. As for now, I am going to go and hug Ginger!