Inspiration is a wonderful thing. We are all inspired by different people throughout our lives and often do not take the time to remember the person or how they inspired us. I know I have had many people who have over the last 50 years, inspired me in many ways. A teacher who inspired me to study geography which is still a passion of mine after 37 years, a nurse who inspired me to look for answers and to remember the best way to get answers was to open my mouth and ask. A friend who taught me to reach for goals when others told her she couldn't have children, she went and had two, another who after raising one child decided with her new husband she wanted another child and in spite of having her tubes tied, had the corrective surgery and had a new daughter. The two who taught me the most were my partner Buddy, who inspired me to learn how to really take care of myself and find my own self worth and my Dad, who taught me that others will respect me no matter what as long as I believed in myself and presented myself as worthy of respect by giving respect. My Dad also gave me the understanding that relationships are worth the work, that when they are beyond saving, you must help yourself first, but if there is a way to work and save it, it is wonderful at all costs. My parents believed in a motto of till death do us part and it is why I made the commitment to Buddy and was there till he passed and why I stay with Ray now. The relationships with these two were and are worth any work I put into it and I receive back from them when I do. My parents were married for 53 years until my Dad's death in June of 2006. My Mom was there till the end and took good care of him through the transition.

I came out to myself when I was 15 years old and began to transition to the life of a gay man. It took a good deal of work to understand I didn't choose this; it is what I have always been. That no one is at fault and that I am truly blessed by being gay. It is a privilege that I do not take lightly. Life for us is difficult; there is so much hatred towards us. The thing I learned from my Dad is that if I love and take care of myself, I will be okay no matter who hates me or who does anything negative towards me or my community. I came out publicly at the age of 19 and my Mom was very upset about it. We had many words which ended up with her telling me to go away because she didn't know how to tell her friends about me. My Dad is the one who finally talked to her at length about others he had served with in WWII and Korea and in the Reserve who were gay and good men and women and that he wanted his son back. My Mom came around eventually and my parents became very close to me. I have to say they were my confidants and they were at my side when Buddy died. That is also why I feel good that I was also there at my Dad's side when he passed away.

I was always a Daddy's boy from as long as I can remember. I have pictures of the two of us from early on and I have always been his boy. My Dad was a bright spot in my life and I will love him till my own death. My Dad and I could get mad at each other and argue at times. I think I am the only sibling who really got away with that, but our disagreements were few and our laughter with each other was the bulk of our relationship. My Dad and I could talk about anything, he and I talked about his brothers and sisters, his parents, friends my siblings and even my Mom. My Dad loved us all and even though he had opinions about each of us, he loved unconditionally. He and my Mom were so cute, they held hands and kissed goodbye and hello and always talked sweetly to each other. They argued, sure, but they loved more deeply than can be imagined.

My folks came to visit once in a while and I didn't mind the long time between visits. I came to see them more often and they had Grand kids to see which are important especially with the passage of time. They came to see me in Oregon on several occasions. When I first moved there, Dad found out through a genealogy book that he had several half brothers there. We visited with a couple of them and I got to know some of my cousins there in Portland and the surrounding areas. I even bumped into a 2nd or 3rd cousin in a small town called Ranier Oregon once at an eye doctor's office. I found out I have a lesbian cousin who owns a bed and breakfast on the coast of Oregon (small world). My Parents were also there shortly before my partner Buddy died and returned the day after he died to be with me. The last trip they made there was at my Inn on the coast. It was a fun time at Christmas and I remember my Dad having great fun when a sneaker wave caught me and soaked me. It would have been fine in August, but in December and cool weather and a 50 degrees ocean is not fun believe me.

I moved away from Oregon in 1999 and to California, but I wasn't happy and Dad was having some medical issues and I moved to Arizona. I got a good job there and ended up staying 4 1/2 years. It was a good time to be with my folks and we had many fun times together. It was a time when my Dad and I got to be very close and do things together again. He had so many wonderful stories of his time in WWII and Korea, his favorite being a story about tipping a 'honey wagon' or sewer truck over onto some of the obnoxious commanding officers without getting caught. When he told the story he would laugh so hard he could barely get the story out - we both laughed so hard once we were crying and he never did finish the story. It never mattered, seeing him laugh so hard is what always made me laugh as hard.

My Dad always loved rock collecting and he tried so hard to get all of us kids interested. My older brother did for a while, but other than appreciating the beautiful work he did faceting stones, we never really took up the art. I took all of his equipment after he died and intend to pass it on if any of his grandkids think they would like them. My dad was a great gardener and I learned much from him there, we often gardened together and as always we went shopping together to purchase supplies and plants. He was the fastest shopper I ever saw and he joked about everyone and with everyone in the store. He was often the prankster and even when I spoke to him at the hospital before he died, he was joking with the nurse trying to draw blood. I am glad he was able to come home for his last days, most of which he was alert and able to enjoy his home.

Dad never really complained about his cancer even though bone cancer is very painful. He was a person who didn't like to complain and didn't want anyone to worry about him. He often came across as silent and commanding. Some people were intimidated by him. Perhaps because he didn't always talk much. He listened and when he felt like it, he could talk a blue streak. He was opinionated about some things, especially about Arizona, which he felt was the only place a smart person would choose to live, but he was a listener and he was respectful of others' opinions. He was a push over, a softy, one of the truly gentle souls. He loved his family to a fault, his partner in life, my Mom, with all his heart and his friends with open trust. I will miss his quick look towards me when I made comments designed to get his attention, it always made me laugh. I will always remember that even at his worst, he would ask, "How are you?" I look forward to seeing him again one day and I look forward to a few jokes and a twinkle he always had in his eyes.