There were times in my Life... Part One

I have lain awake nights asking myself what makes us laugh? What makes me laugh and when was the last time I laughed so hard my sides hurt. Have you ever laughed so much that you finally came to a point that you just couldn't laugh anymore? When I was a kid, there were so many things I thought were funny. A silly children's joke could make me laugh. I also remember being with my late partner Buddy laying in bed talking and a short silence could make the laughter come. The use of amel nitrate always made me break out in peels of laughter which made its use really not in my best interest. There have also been people in my life that could get me to laugh easily; there was a time when there were many, but now I count them easily and remember to cherish them for this wonderful gift.

When we were teens I hung with a group of kids locally and we all enjoyed jokes, pranks and laughing at everyone and everything. The group; Ken, Shirley, Dorothy, Mike, Fran and at times a couple of others, spent a good deal of time together. We enjoyed going bowling, even though we were not good. We were, however, very good at imitating cartoon characters such as Fred Flinstone when we bowled. We would go to the local Big Boy restaurant and sit for hours eating French Fries and drinking coffee and giggling at nothing in particular. Mike and I could look at each other and break out in laughter. We especially seemed to like it when Ken got angry about something, (something guaranteed most nights). We also liked to party together, which meant we got some booze from Fran's Uncle's liquor cabinet, usually whiskey, and we had a drinking party and played charade types of games which usually ended with Fran doing a sketch from Cheech and Chong, "Sister Mary Elephant". She would put a T-shirt on her head and do the whole bit. Seems so typically teen now, but we liked it. Fran's Uncle also had a place in Pell Lake, Wisconsin and we went up one weekend and dressed up and did a tango into the lake to the delight of onlookers.

The year was 1973 and I had won a summer apprentice position with the experimental theatre at Purdue University. I was nervous about the entire thing, the director of the first production was critical and a total ass, but I found other friends there. The other high school apprentices all felt a bit betrayed by the affair in that most of us were used to being in the spotlight and we found ourselves working backstage on scenery. Later we learned there are many fun aspects behind the scenes and much to learn. I became interested in costumes and makeup. However, the most interesting thing was the man who headed the department. He was incredibly talented and very funny and oh so very flamboyant. I remember writing home to say how he sauntered in with a purse and clogs, mini shorts and bright t-shirts, pierced ears and bleached blond hair in a very bad perm. I later found that there was a good word for much of what Timmy was, (the costumer from Purdue) and that was practical. The bag he used he was able to not only put needed identification and such, he also was able to carry books, designs, layouts, threads and even material needed. The clogs I learned are totally comfortable (the 70's burkenstocks) and easy to slip on and off. The clothes were a necessity in the costume area as there was no air conditioning and it was very hot that summer. And as for the ear rings and hair? Well fashion is everything, isn't it? Timmy was a very kind person, very understanding and very open about himself. He had a very nice partner and was a very settled, "married" gay man. He took several of us under his wing and taught us how to sew and design costumes, how to behave in the presence of directors who were jerks and how to let go with a biting remark as needed. There were two of us teenaged boys who were coming to terms with our gayness and Timmy always had a willing ear and never judged us. He was our "Homo Mom".

The other teen, who's name was Rob, and I got on well and became friends. We ended up sharing a trailer outside of town the last few weeks of the summer. Rob had found a new boyfriend and I likewise was seeing someone named Sam. As a 16 year old who didn't really know what I was doing, I learned that first love is quick, strong and doesn't usually last. It was a difficult but rewarding time for me. I learned once you break up with your first boyfriend, the healing takes time and seems to be horrible, but soon we forget and develop other friends. I came to know a lesbian that summer who lovingly referred to me as Alice and I to her as Mike. I was glad to have a friend to laugh and cry with, one that was also a friend to Sam and thus after the breakup, told me way too much about what Sam was doing. Mike and I, and Rob at times, all got together with Rob's new boyfriend, a student at the university named Ed. Rob couldn't see that he, like myself, was in a short term relationship. It was intense for him and he never seemed to be able to let go after it ended. Rob's biggest problem that summer was a girlfriend he had at school who he didn't tell about his real orientation. She came up unexpectedly while Rob was on a date with Ed. She stayed at the trailer in Rob's room while he stayed out all night. The next day she left and I don't know if Rob told her, but she felt she needed to protect herself from me and locked me in my room. She had a hammer under her pillow, several knives placed strategically around the room and the door barricaded. Unfortunately it was a pass through trailer, I was in the back and in order to get to the kitchen, I had to go outside and back in the front door. I was sure once she saw the changes in Rob she would know something was up as he went from too conservative to polyester paisley, platform shoes, tight poli-pants, bracelets, eye makeup and he had the top part of his hair in a tight perm. She was plain by comparison. I guess it is the ignorance of youth to dismiss the obvious sometimes. That summer we worked with students and professionals, some were fun, most unusual. We also met others who were associated with the theatre, a man named Dick being my favorite. We would go to his large home and talk, laugh and sing; but mostly Dick was into the future and I read Tarot cards. We spent many evenings talking about the future. Through Dick I met Tom M. and we have been friends now for 35 years, although I have lost all contact with Dick.

My first real job at the State Hospital brought much learning and a good deal of fun. I have mentioned my friend Linda and as we worked together, it was always a fun time. There was always a certain clothing room that we could escape to with another worker and although no one seemed to note the smell, it was a good place for a toke or two... I guess because almost everyone smoked cigarettes, no one could smell past that smoke. There was also the group that went to lunch together, usually at a bar in South Elgin for a liquid lunch and an attitude adjustment. We worked closely with others, some of whom were not very happy and it made for laughter at the little things, like ducking as a urinal of pee came flying across a room. The patients were very confused, they often had dementia and if they got too loud, they were drugged to a point that they had to be lifted to make it to the toilet. In mental health in the mid 70's, Haldol was all the rage, everyone was on it, like it or not. It was up to the fun crowd to make light of the craziness and I don't mean the patients. One of my co-staffers, (an over-weightish woman who called me Doctor Killjoy and I called her Nurse Goodbody) would challenge the more moody staff members to a wipe down. This meant we went through the ward, bathing, showering and sponging any and all patients before the other staff knew what we were doing. It allowed us to spend more time being with patients, walking them, getting them active in any activity we could think of and socializing with them regardless of confusion. It was a stressful place when one let it become stressful, it was also a place where one could be light hearted and consider the care of others. It was also here that I first became known for my laugh; it is often loud, at times obnoxious and also can be infectious.

Later I learned I enjoyed being with developmentally disabled people. I guess I am light hearted enough to enjoy the simple things they taught me; that dressing up for no apparent reason and dancing is a good thing, that men look as silly in a grass skirt as anyone else, that I really can't sing and no one really cares, so I sing anyway. Making faces in a mirror is not even as fun as making faces with someone who will do it back and do it as long or longer than I can. Buddy enjoyed being a volunteer with the center where I worked for 7 years and he could make a few faces that rivaled mine. These were also the people who taught me to hug with appreciation and meaning, they taught me that you must try to enjoy as much in life as possible and that no one can judge quality of life for anyone else. I was always allowed to dress the way I wanted if it helped with my lessons or my daily activities and since I became the psych-drama specialist, I dressed up a lot. I had all kinds of costumes from gypsy outfits, medieval costumes, clowns, animals and my favorite was a 7-foot bird. It got a little warm in the outfit, but the kids loved it and what a good way to get a daily dose of hugs. A favorite activity I co-directed in Atlanta was the Atlanta Area Council for the Arts - Very Special Arts Festival. We had about an acre or so of art work exhibits, many demonstrations in painting, sand art, wax art, sculpture and we had three stages for performances. There was dancing, puppets, singing story telling and, of course, me as the tall, tall bird... We saw over 4 thousand kids that day, some disabled, some not. I painted and sculpted and sang my heart out, which means I was covered from head to foot with all colors of the rainbow and then some. By the time we had the place cleaned up we were all so tired that we went to a local bar, had drinks and danced to Aretha Franklin.

fin-part one