Gary Cooper, the movie top gun of old, must present himself, at high noon, for confrontation with an angry outlaw gang. No one will volunteer to help Cooper with this challenge. His new bride, Grace Kelly, pleads with him to run away with her while there is still time to get out of town before it's too late and he is dead.

Now, in my version of the movie, Gary Cooper is George W. Bush and Grace Kelly's part is now played by Dick Cheney. So it's a big, hefty duo - Sheriff Bush and Deputy Cheney. Confidently, packing guns, they proceed out together, side by side, at high noon. And the gang they're meeting isn't even much of a menace. It's only Congress. I think I'll make it a musical.

Oblivia Offenfaulty reporting for Grandma Minutia