Oh wow, this dream was the ultimate nightmare! And I could tell it was a shockingly bad one because it was about taxes and sharp, stabbing pains in my neck! Ouch!

If you can believe it, in my dream I was a big fat cat mogul, you know - a tycoon owning huge corporations worth billions and billions of dollars! My net worth was completely over the top. I was living the extreme American dream. I had worldwide offices. I had so many subsidiaries, mostly of the "shell" type, that I actually had trouble remembering where they all were. To say the least, I was rich. I was so rich that I could just about do anything I wanted.

The nightmare part was I became really upset about my modus operandi. I laundered my money. It made me very nervous but I had to do it. I had to hide the fact that I was evading some taxes that I supposedly had to pay. I was avoiding certain state regulations and federal regulations too, and to do so I had to have a few partnerships that were a bit tricky and completely nerve wracking. Also my pricing techniques had to be so intricate that they gave me terrible headaches (with the sharp, stabbing pains etc.), plus backaches and scary red itchy rashes. (They were the worst!)

Finally, in desperation, I decided that I had to go ahead and buy my entire federal government, lock, stock and barrel. "Hang the cost," I shouted in my dream. I could no longer abide the pressure of a narrow-minded, restrictive and bossy political system that was constantly annoying me and giving me the very embarrassing prickly heat!

I woke up screaming to one of my assistants, "Damn it all Cheney, get me the White House immediately!"

A special report by Oblivia Offenfaulty