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Dog Rules

 
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. OK. the dog is allowed in the house but only in certain
    rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the
     furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not
    allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not
     under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the cover by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers
      with the dog.
~ Author Unknown ~

 

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Dog Rules, Simplified For Humans

 

           Visitors:
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person.  If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
Barking:
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark.  So bark a lot.  Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house.   Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds.  There is no more secure feeling for a human that to keep waking up in the middle of the night hearing you protective bark, bark, bark...
Licking:
Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human.  Humans prefer clean tongues.  Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
Holes:
Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice.   If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers.  There are never enough holes in the ground.  Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
Doors:
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog.
The Art Of Sniffing:
Humans like to be sniffed.  Everywhere.  It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them.
Dining Etiquette:
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor.  It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking:
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
Going For Walks:
Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
Couches:
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all you humans have gone to bed.
Playing:
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself.
Chasing Cats:
When chasing cats, make sure you never--quite--catch them.  It spoils all the fun.
Chewing:
Make a contribution to the fashion industry...eat a shoe.
~ Author Unknown ~

 

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