This is not to say I'm not angry about getting it....I am, at times, and cuss a blue streak against whatever great universal plan had this in the cards for me - I curse my own stupidity and lack of knowledge at the time - I curse a medical system that doesn't see the need for HepC testing unless you specifically request it, and then doesn't even know what to do for you or with you when you do request it - I curse the people in my life who don't understand and turn away (and bless the people who do understand and stay!) - I curse the fact that I'm sick of being tired, and tired of being sick, and still have so far to go, with no idea of what I personally will experience along the way, and no idea what the outcome will be.....

After I curse, I cry - for the life I had, and the life I wanted, and the life I've got now - for all the things I won't be able to do in the next year, and for all the things I'll have to do - for how this will affect my daughter and the other people who love me and have to live with me - for all the things that have happened, and haven't happened, and will happen as a result of this.....

And then (since I can only feel so sorry for myself for so long before it starts to get really boring), I go find something else to do!

What else do I do? Whatever I can, at the moment.....crawl in bed and hide under the covers, find someone to talk to that I know will bring me out myself and make me laugh....do the dishes, take out the trash, buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best....cuddle up with my Boo and a book....light some candles for hope and try to count my blessings in the now, and say some prayers for the future......whatever works.....