How am I doing? Not well, and getting worse by the week, although I'm getting used to it. I have a wide array of side effects I'm learning to live with and work around, some of which come and go, and some of which are constant companions. I am always exhausted and disoriented - my attention span, thought processes and reaction times leave much to be desired, I frequently can't find the words I'm looking for, and have a marked tendency to forget where I was planning to go (not to mention how to get there) when I get in the car, I always have a headache somewhere around 4 or 5 on a scale of 10, have a constant fever between 99.5 and 100.5 (which frequently spikes up to over 101, and sometimes hits 102), have a nasty metallic taste in my mouth, throbbing aches in my fingers, wrists, elbows, hips and ankles and muscle aches in my shoulders, lower back and legs....at this point, all of the above are simply "givens", they slow me down and wear me down, but if they're all I'm going through, then I consider it a "good" day.

And then there are the "ungood" days, which generally equal the good ones most weeks.....the days when the mind-numbing, bone-crushing, soul-sucking fatigue hits, when I barely have the energy to sit up, let alone get up, and any movement feels like I'm working my way through wet cement, when staring at the wall is about the height of my comprehensive abilities, and all I can do is lie there and wish I could sleep, except that with the fatigue comes insomnia (interesting, albeit somewhat wearing, combination, that), when I'm reasonably certain that there are dead people out there with more energy and mental acumen than I have.....the days when the brain fog is so thick I could probly see it around my head if I had the energy to open my eyes, when thought (coherent or incoherent) isn't an option, and I just give in to complete and utter stupidity....when the headache hits 12 on a 10 scale, and the body aches go from a dull throb to hot metal stabbing everywhere....when the nausea hits and I'm afraid to throw up because it might start something bleeding....these are the days when I'm ready to give up, when life looms ahead of me as just endless months of more of the same, with no hope of any better future in sight.

There are odds and ends of other side effects....my hair is getting thinner, although at least it's not falling out in clumps (at least not yet, LOL, that should start in another month)....the mood swings are actually calming down some (I think I'm too tired to go from euphoria to the depths of despair on a regular basis, it's easier to just maintain a constant state of "blah" :-P)....my sex drive has completely disappeared, which is probly just as well, since I think I'm too brain fogged to remember how to do it, LOL....but the one good side effect is that I've lost weight (about 25 lbs so far) to the point that I'm having to dig out clothes I haven't been able to fit into in years (good thing I spend most of my time in PJs and sleepy T-shirts, since I don't have much energy to dig), I actually have cheekbones and a waistline and hipbones - and lucky I have hipbones, they're the only things that keep some of my pants from falling down, the jeans I filled quite substantially by myself this past January are roomy enough now that someone else could probly fit in there along with me, LOL! ;-P Of course, the downside is that I'm still losing weight - not eating much at all, nothing much appeals - while I'm not having constant nausea, it comes often enough and unexpectedly enough that I'm always sort of looking over my shoulder for it, and the metallic "meds taste" throws the flavor off everything....it's hard to work up much enthusiasm for eating when you know it's going to taste funny and may not even stay down. I figure if I keep losing at this rate, I'll be a perfect model for a "Feed the Hungry" ad campaign for the holidays, LOL!

My brother and sister are in complete denial that I'm sick at all, apparently deciding to go with the theory that if you ignore the elephant in the living room long enough, it will get bored and go away, although in this case, the elephant has made itself to home and has no intention of going anywhere for at least another 40 weeks.....they don't even ask how I'm doing, let alone if there's anything they can do to help - and in fact, act quite put out that I can't rearrange my med schedule at the drop of a hat for their convenience, and that I'm starting to have "extra" days now and then that I'm simply too fatigued/sick/hurting to get out of bed and drive to Mama's, let alone take care of her when I get there (although I told them months ago that this was likely to happen). I'm curious to see what will happen when Muff wants to go out of town and/or Albert wants to go hunting, and I say "Sorry folks, but there's no way I can cover it".....I suppose I will be thought selfish and unaccommodating, and maybe I am - but given that there's no one else to take care of me, I have to take care of myself as best I can - and I'm real sorry if it inconveniences them, but it's not like it's exactly a day at the beach for me either. :-P

So, life (or a sort of facsimile thereof) goes on, one day at a time....some days are better than others, and some days just flat suck....I'm sick of being tired, and tired of being sick, and HATE feeling so damn dull all the time, but I still manage to find things to laugh at, even if it's my own inability to finish a sentence, LOL! (And I can certainly sympathize better with Mama, LOL - I've got that lil "oh, you know" hand flap down! ;-P) Given my current lack of brain power, this came out a lot more coherent than I would have thought possible....although it did take almost 3 weeks and a great deal of revising to get it to resemble anything approaching my usual style, LOL!

Well, for what it's worth, this is where I am - at least for now....in another couple weeks I'll enter a new "phase" (seems to run in 8 to 12 week cycles) and some of the sides will get better and some will get worse, and some will disappear completely only to be replaced by a whole new set of fascinating brain and body disfunctions, LOL - ah yes, the HepC tx experience, a never-ending cavalcade of fun! :-P