Basic Rules for Horses Who Have a Barn to Protect

The art of snorting:  Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. It is your
duty, as the family horse to accommodate them.

Neighing:  Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - a
lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn and
communicating with other horses. Especially late at night while they are
sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human
than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you, 'Neigh,
neigh, neigh.'

Stomping cats:  When standing in cross ties, make sure you never - quite -
stomp on the barn cat's tail. It spoils all the fun.

Chewing:  Make a contribution to the architectural industry - chew on your
stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item.

Fresh bedding:  It is perfectly permissible to urinate in the middle of your
freshly bedded stall to let your humans know how much you appreciate their
hard work.

Dining etiquette: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack,
especially right after your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay
with your fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time they're
cleaning your stall and we all know how humans love a challenge (that's what
they said when they bought you as a two year old, right?).

Doors:  Any door, even partially open, is always an invitation for you and
your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of
reach of your human, who will frantically run after and chase you. The
longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.

Going for trail rides: Rules of the road: When out for a trail ride with
your owner, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

Holes: Rather than pawing and digging a BIG hole in the middle of the
paddock or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all
over so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side
of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes
in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

Ground Manners:  Ground manners are very important to humans, break as much
of the ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the ground know
who's boss and impresses your humans.

Nuzzling: Always take a BIG drink from your water trough immediately before
nuzzling your humans. Be ready to rub your head on the area of your human
that you just nuzzled to dry it off, too.

Playing:  If you lose your footing while frolicking in the paddock, use one
of the other horses to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself. Then
the other horse will get a visit from the mean ol' vet, not you.