Robb's Letter to Amanda on her 17th Birthday

As a father, I know that I'm not exactly unbiased. But it always seemed to me that, even if she weren't my daughter, I would still think Amanda was a neat person, someone worth knowing.

Last year, on her birthday, I gave her this letter. It still sums up, better than anything else I can say, all that she meant and continues to mean to me.

October 9, 1996

Dear Amanda,

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that you're actually 17, but that doesn't last long. One has only to look at you to see that, every day, you're becoming more of a woman, full of intelligence, gracefulness and charm.

I often wish we could get along better than we do now, but perhaps that's as it should be. As parents, our job has been to set limits, to protect you from harm, to do everything we can to insure that you are prepared to deal with life. Your job has always been to build your own life, to become your own person, and to become independent of us. Some people are fortunate enough to have parents who know when to let go, when to stop trying to manage their children's lives. I'm sorry that I don't always measure up in that regard.

However much we may disagree, nothing can ever change the very special place you have in my heart. I learned a lot from you, when you were a baby, a toddler, a little girl starting to go to school. Before you were born, I really did not know the meaning of love. You showed me what it meant, and I found it in myself when I made cheese toast for you, while patting your back until you drifted off to sleep to the strains of Mood Indigo, and on days when you were sick and I stayed home with you. Those times that I have spent with you are some of the very best moments of my life.

Of course, sometimes I miss that little girl, who looked up to me and thought I was a great person. But that's the way it's supposed to be. Your childhood is a precious gift to your parents, but not one that we can keep, except in memory. Your greatest responsibility is to yourself: to grow up and live your life and find your place in the world....

When I see you now, I am very proud. You are so very capable, and you know how to get things done. Of course, it makes me very happy to hear you making great music. But most of all, I am delighted to see that you seem to have a good attitude toward life.

I don't expect or ask you to be perfect. You're supposed to make mistakes; that's part of being human, and one of the ways we learn. One of my greatest hopes is that you will be willing and able to learn from your mistakes, and bounce back from them, and not let them drag you down.

Happy birthday, Amanda. This day is very special to me, for it commemorates one of the most important events in my life.. May the years ahead be filled with many happy days for you, and may your sad days - for we all must have those, too - bring you wisdom. Whether we agree or disagree, I will always love you.

Love,

Daddy

I miss her more than any words can express. Sometimes the big empty space where she used to be hurts so much that it doesn't seem possible to bear it. But even then, I am glad to have known her, to have loved her, and to have felt her presence in my life.

Robb Holmes 7/7/97