Effective
Communication
With Clients
By Art Italo
Good communication is the foundation of a good attorney-client relationship. It is among the most important factors determining the volume of future referrals from your clients. With so much riding on the quality of your communication, you should be compelled to be the best communicator possible. This requires that you take 100% responsibility for all communication in which you are involved. That means having good command of both ends of the communication process.
Effective Listening Skills
The most significant of all rapport builders is good listening skills. It is extremely important to become a good listener. It will benefit your practice in the following ways:
- Accurate Information - Good listening allows for an accurate exchange of information which is critical for you to serve the client properly.
- Reduced Misunderstandings - Good listening helps eliminate misunderstandings, increasing client satisfaction with your services and enhancing their perception of your competence.
- Increased Rapport - When clients feel you understand them, it creates greater trust. Good listening improves trust and rapport and maximizes the probability of getting referrals in the future.
- Differentiation - Since most people are poor listeners, good listening skills will make you stand above the crowd.
Being An Effective Listener
There are two tests of effective listening:
- Is the information being received and understood by the listener?
- Does the speaker perceive that he/she is being understood?
By necessity, most attorneys are reasonably proficient at the first. Since they rely heavily on information the client provides, they listen carefully to get the facts straight. Many lawyers are not as good at creating the perception that they are receiving the information. This causes them to lose rapport with their clients.
Obstacles To Good Communication
Most people are not very good listeners. It is estimated that only about 60% of spoken information is accurately received. This is why there is such a preponderance of correspondence written to assure both parties understand what was said. There are a number of reasons the information doesn't get through.
- The speaker is unclear or not specific enough causing the listener to make assumptions.
- The listener is not paying attention due to lack of interest in the subject matter.
- The listener is preoccupied with other matters.
- The speaker is not saying what the listener wants to hear.
- The listener is busy formulating a rebuttal to something the speaker said previously.
Most miscommunications are the result of poor listening, not poor articulation. Most people are passive listeners. Even when information is received and understood, the listener fails to acknowledge it. Neither do they verify that the information received is what the speaker intended to say. This can cause the speaker to feel he/she is not getting through. Passive listening also allows misunderstandings to go undetected.
Active Listening
The communication process consists of speaking and listening. Some people think that when you are speaking, you are in control of the process, and when you are listening, you relinquish control to the other party. This is only true if you are a passive listener. Passive listeners only take an active role in communication when it is their turn to speak, leaving the process beyond their control at least half the time. Taking 100% responsibility for communication requires you to be specific and articulate in your own speech, and to actively facilitate the quality of the other party's communication when you are listening. This facilitation is known as Active Listening.
The Power Of Questions
The human mind is compulsive about answering questions. When you are asked a question, your mind instinctively begins searching for an answer. Even if you decide not to give a verbal answer, your mind still pops the answer into your skull.
Used properly, questions can give you great power in facilitating excellent communication with your clients as well as everyone else. It is no coincidence that the whole process of presenting information in litigation is done through a controlled succession of question upon question. Statements are discouraged unless they are in response to a question. There is great power in questions.
Questions are the key to taking control of a conversation. The person asking the question is in control. Even though the other person is speaking, he/she is speaking about a subject of your choosing. People don't ask enough questions. They tend to make statements and then stop, allowing the other person to make a statement. When you do that you relinquish control to the other party. This may seem like the polite thing to do, but the purpose of communication has little to do with who has the best manners. The purpose of communication is the effective exchange of information.
Don't misunderstand that statement. It does not mean you should be rude and overbearing. That will cause the other party to recede from the conversation. Bully tactics are self defeating because they induce defensiveness by the other party increasing their reluctance to communicate. You must strike a balance between a conversation that is a wandering stream of consciousness and one that is an interrogation.
Asking Relevant Questions
The first rule of good communication is to ask frequent relevant questions. This is a very simple process where you listen carefully to the content and then ask questions that seek clarification, verification, motivation or specificity.
- Clarification - Clarifying questions are those you ask when there seem to be inconsistencies or when you are not sure you understand what the person is trying to say. These questions are very important in avoiding misunderstandings. Most misunderstandings result from people making assumptions based on ambiguous information. Clarifying questions reduce the amount of ambiguity.
- Verification - Verifying questions are questions you ask to verify that the information has been correctly received. It is particularly important to ask verifying questions when you have drawn a conclusion based on what has been said. Always verify that conclusion from the speaker's point of view before you assume your deduction is obviously correct. You may be missing a piece of information that would have emerged had you verified your hypothesis.
- Motivation - Motivational questions help you understand the reasons why people act and they give you insight into how they are likely to behave in the future. Probing for reasons is essential to your ability to understand and shape the expectations of your client. If you know why the client has a certain belief, you have a better chance of changing that belief.
- Specificity - People tend to speak in generalities. Often they mistakenly believe you understand all the specifics. They assume you will get the whole idea if they give you the general idea. You need to ask them to be more specific. It is particularly important to ask specifying questions if the speaker is an emotionally charged state. The more emotional we are, the more we tend to generalize. This is because our thought patterns become much more reactive and less analytical when we are upset. Asking specifying questions forces the speaker to become more analytical and thereby more rational.
Asking questions has another effect besides improving your understanding of the information. It also creates rapport. Relevant questions show interest in what the speaker is saying. When the speaker perceives you are interested, it creates a feeling of mutual respect. This is an instant rapport builder.
Acknowledging The Speaker
There is little that is more frustrating than the feeling that someone you are talking to isn't listening. This feeling is most likely to emerge when the listener is a passive listener. There is nothing that will destroy rapport faster than having clients believe you don't listen to them.
Speakers look for certain cues that acknowledge the message is being received. When speakers don't notice the cues they are looking for, they get the impression you aren't listening. To generate the perception that the speaker is getting through, you must give the cue he/she is looking for. This is similar to a CB operator saying "ten four" when a transmission is received.
There are a number of ways to acknowledge the speaker, create rapport and improve the quality of your communication. They are:
- Give Auditory and Visual Cues
- Do Listening Checks
- Don't Get Defensive
- Don't Make The Client Wrong
- Don't Use Absolutes
- Encourage Interruptions
- Use An Open Body Language
Auditory and Visual Cues - When the speaker is speaking you should give both auditory and visual signs that you are listening. You should nod your head and make a sound of acknowledgment (usually "uh-huh" or "yes"). The placement of these cues is important. They shouldn't be continuous or random. Time the cues to coincide with the end of paragraphs when a thought has been completed. Often the speaker will ask for acknowledgments by saying "you know?" or by giving you a look. At this time it is particularly important to respond with appropriate cues.
Listening Check - This is a powerful tool that is extremely effective in creating rapport and improving the quality of you communication. A listening check is a statement that summarizes your understanding of what was just said. For instance: "So, what I hear you saying is that your sister is being unfair to you."
Listening checks are statements rather than questions. After the statement is made, the speaker will either confirm that you have understood the message or try to clarify it. In either case, rapport is created because the speaker knows you are trying to understand. You also get more reliable information since your deductions have been confirmed or corrected.
There are two types of listening checks: listening checks for content and listening checks for feelings. A listening check for content is a statement that draws a conclusion about what the speaker has just said. A listening check for feelings makes a statement about how you believe the speaker feels about what has just been said. Using the same example: "So, you feel your sister is being unfair with you and that makes you angry."
Feelings checks create a powerful connection with the speaker. Acknowledging feelings makes the speaker feel you really understand him/her. Emotions are very personal. By showing the speaker you are interested in understanding this personal side, it causes the speaker to trust you more. The speaker will come away thinking; "Bob is very easy to talk to. He understands the way I feel."
Use listening checks frequently with your clients. It will improve your relationship and increase rapport.
Don't Get Defensive - Defensiveness in communication only causes each party to become more entrenched in their position. It is very difficult to have a meaningful exchange if one person is defensive. You already know how to handle a defensive client. Do a feelings check to defuse the defensiveness. (Note: Don't say, "You are getting defensive." That is not a feelings check, it is an accusation. Instead say, "It seems like you feel I'm attacking you.")
Don't get defensive. It is not worth the loss of rapport to take things personally. It probably wasn't meant as a personal assault. Even if it was, don't dignify the comment by giving it the reaction it was intended to elicit. Remember, the minute you get defensive, you lose control of the conversation and communication breaks down.
Don't Make The Client Wrong - Attorneys are used to working in a win-lose environment. It takes such an attitude to succeed in that environment. Unfortunately, many lawyers carry that win-lose mentality into their communications with clients. No one likes to be wrong. If you make your clients feel wrong it will surely embarrass them. You can bet they will remember that feeling when someone asks them to refer an attorney.
Probe to find out the reasons for the client's mistaken belief. Don't repudiate, educate! Explain your reasons for having a different opinion. Show the client why his/her experience is probably not as applicable as yours under these circumstances.
Don't Use Absolutes - There are very few absolutes in life. Phrases using always, never, impossible, every, none, etc. are seldom true and only serve to supercharge and polarize the conversation. If your client uses an absolute, repeat the absolute with a strongly questioning tone. For example:
"My sister is always unfair to me."
"Always??"
"Well not always, but much of the time."
This will put things back in perspective and eliminate some of the emotion that is associated with an absolute statement. Avoid using absolutes when talking with clients. Remember, some of the greatest embarrassments in life come from stating a rule as an absolute and then having someone else point out an exception.
Encourage Interruptions - As children we were repeatedly told it is not polite to interrupt. When we finally became adults, we remembered the lessons of childhood all too well. We still don't interrupt because we feel it is impolite. We continue to operate under a system that is designed to keep children from annoying their parents.
The parental "no interruption rule" is an obstacle to good communication. How many times have you been polite and failed to interrupt, only to forget your point when it was finally appropriate to speak? How many times did you stop listening to the other person because you were preoccupied with a rebuttal to something they said three minutes ago?
Interruptions are vital to good communication. They allow immediate feedback, and prevent frustration and preoccupation. Encourage interruptions. Tell your clients succinctly, "If you have any questions, please feel free to interrupt me at any time."
You should also interrupt when appropriate. An appropriate interruption should be immediate making a comment or asking a question that is directly relevant to the speaker's latest idea. Some people will take exception to this because the parental interruption rule is so deeply ingrained in them. With these people you should make the following statement: "I know it frustrates you when I interrupt, but it is absolutely essential that I have the facts straight. It is imperative to your case that I interrupt you whenever I need clarification." This tells the client that the attorney-client relationship represents an exception to the parental interruption rule, due to extenuating circumstances.
Use An Open Body Language - Your body language communicates how you are feeling. You should be very aware of maintaining a friendly and open body language with clients. Lean forward and listen with interest. Don't cross your arms. This makes you look uneasy and defensive.
Resting your chin on your hand makes you look like you are absorbing everything. Make steady eye contact but don't laser lock on the speaker. Glance away occasionally to break the tension that builds up when you stare at someone too long. And most important, SMILE!! Smiling makes people feel like you like them. There is nothing that says friendship and rapport more than a warm and genuine smile.
Copyright © Art Italo, 1996. All Rights Reserved
Related Article:
Creating Rapport With Your Clients
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Art Italo is a consultant working exclusively with attorneys in the areas
of business development and strategic planning. He speaks internationally on
legal marketing and strategic planning.
He has developed and refined the concept of Leveraged Networking after
over 15,000 hours of individual consultations with attorneys. He has personally consulted with over 250
attorneys in
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