Newsletter Articles
The following articles were written by youth in recovery, and have been published in Turning Point's quarterly newsletter "Reflections On Recovery". All identifying information has been deleted to assure confidentiality of the authors.
Teen Hits Bottom With Drugs, Gets Second Chance (Summer, 1999)
The first time I ever used drugs was in the 6th grade. I remember I was hanging out with people a couple of years older than me and I thought I could gain acceptance with them by smoking weed. I remember my first time being high and I hated it. I made a fool of myself that day because I couldn't stop laughing for hours. I still didn't accept myself for who I was and thought that drugs were the key to gaining acceptance from others.
My drug use was light (about once or twice a month) until the end of my 9th grade year. I had a lot of family problems at the time that I couldn't control, so I looked to drugs to try and escape reality so I wouldn't have to deal with them. This did nothing but pile my problems up, and as my problems increased, my drug use increased. I started to ditch my positive friends to hang out with people who sold drugs or partied 24/7 [all the time]. I started smoking weed 3 or 4 times a day and started missing school more than I went. My grades rapidly dropped from straight A's to F's.
Around August of '98 my friends and I started hanging out with this guy who was like 20 years older than us and that the police didn't like too much. We went to his house daily to smoke week and the police soon became regular visitors in our neighborhood. They knew there was a large amount of drugs being used in the area and they were there daily to try and stop it. It became an everyday thing to get searched for drugs and at night we'd get followed around by police with night vision goggles. We spent all of our time figuring out how to outsmart the cops so we could do drugs. I ended up getting caught one day skipping school while I was high. The cops took me back to school and I was told I had to take drug tests and drug classes in order to stay in school.
I didn't take my 2nd chance too seriously though, and decided to dig my hole deeper. I was willing to give up my future for the feeling of acceptance I found with my new friends by using drugs. Around Christmas of '98, I got arrested for my 1st time for possession. I was taken to jail but only stayed in the holding cell for less than 24 hours. About 3 weeks later I was arrested again only this time for running from the police and for paraphernalia. Once again I was taken to jail for less than 24 hours.
Drugs were no longer a key for acceptance for me but they had become a part of my life. I decided for the court's sake and for school that I would quit smoking weed for one month, pass a drug test, and go right back to using again. Since I couldn't' smoke pot, I decided to sell it so I could still be around it. I started to use LSD since that drug wouldn't show up on my tests. I found out that during that month of my selling, my mom had been recording my phone conversations and turning them into the police. I felt betrayed by this and gave up on myself. One night I ended up getting in an argument with my mom about drugs and I broke out a window in the house. She took out a warrant for me and I was taken to jail. I was so full of hate for myself that I attempted suicide and was transferred to a maximum security prison for a week.
I had hit rock bottom. I had no relationship with my mom, I was failing out of school, I was going to have a permanent record and I couldn't see a reason to live. It was all because of drugs. I had seen all of those commercials on TV, but I never realized I would become one of those people until I was at rock bottom.
Drugs ruined my life. I was lucky though and was given a 2nd chance to live. I have been clean now for 3 and 1/2 months and am in a wilderness camp which has helped me to change my life. I now accept myself for who I am, and have goals set for what I want for my future, and I am proud to say drugs aren't in them. I realize now that I am an addict and always will be. I am strong though and will resist temptation by taking it one day at a time.
This young woman wrote her story while in treatment, and has called me to say she continues to make good progress. By the way, LSD can be easily detected in urine samples. -Ed.
Youth Finds Recovery Through Pink Floyd’s Music (Fall, 1997)
"Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me, is there anyone home?" This is a quotation from a song called Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. The song is on the album The Wall, which is pretty much a depiction of my life. The album is about building walls (emotional barriers) around yourself.
My mother died when I was five years old which was the first part of the wall. There was no talking about this tragedy, no emotions came inside the wall, and none went out. As I grew older, my father remarried. My brother and I plotted against my step-mother from the beginning and because of our behaviors my father’s marriage almost ended. I finally learned that I would have to put up with our family the way it was. I was living in my own personal hell and there was nothing to do except build the wall up more.
When I was eleven years old, my brother first introduced me to pot. I was hesitant at first, thinking about my drug education that I had learned in elementary school, but then I gave in because of curiosity. I also thought that maybe my brother would like me more if I did drugs, so I experimented. The first couple of months, I just tried it a few times to see the effect of the drug. I also started to experiment with alcohol. My usage increased as time went on (maybe three times a week) and it was this way for over a year. I thought that it was great fun but little did I know that this all was just another brick in the wall.
The wall grew, and about a year and a half later, I started to place the remaining bricks on it. I had started to use hallucinogenics (LSD, shrooms, ecstasy, etc.). Also at that point I was using pot every day, sometimes three times a day. I was about to complete the wall, but I could not stop just yet. The final bricks came when I tried narcotics (like cocaine and opium) which was about a year ago. Using pot was a part of my life now and since the wall was complete, nothing could get through to me.
I did not care about anyone or anything. About this time, my brother went into treatment. I had lost my companion so I had nothing left to do except use even more heavily. I was numb to the world. My real friends tried to reach out but I just pushed them away. The sad thing is that my parents had no clue that any of this was going on. My brother tried to tell them that I had a drug problem and they rejected the idea. My brother had turned his back on me and so did my friends. The thought of suicide crossed my mind and was quickly pushed away. Instead I turned to my only companion, drugs.
About six months later, another big blow came to me. My good friend and hockey coach, xxxxxx xxxxxxx, was killed while trying to clean up debris left by Hurricane Fran. My world was falling apart. It was like I was five years old all over again. I did not let myself feel the emotions though. Instead, I dulled the pain with pot. This time, my brother came back to me and we were both miserable together. After about a week of this, my brother told my parents what was going on. I was furious, I could not believe he would do something like that to me.
My parents had no choice but to put My parents had no choice but to put me into treatment. I had gone into the treatment center with the idea that I would go through with it, and then, after it was all over, go right back to using again. It was during this time that I went to my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting. It was incredible! This really opened my eyes, I went to meetings weekly. I was starting to come back to life, the wall was starting to crumble.
It is now six months later and I have been clean all this time! I have had a few slip-ups along the way and it has not been easy, but it is getting better. The wall has almost come down completely but there are still pieces of it up. Now, I am faced with the challenge of reality.
"All alone or in twos, the ones who really love you walk up and down outside the wall. Some hand in hand, some gather together in bands, the bleeding hearts and the artists make their stand. And when they have given you their all, some stagger and fall. After all, it is not easy banging your heart against some mad buggers wall."
To obtain information on another of the topics in this section, click on highlighted words:
Statement of Purpose ~ provides our basic agency philosophy.
What Is Counseling ~ outlines the foundations of counseling.
Counseling Services ~ describes all of the services we provide at Turning Point, including information about the director.
___________________________________________________________________
This web site is maintained by Turning Point Youth & Family Counseling
Jeffrey C. Pearce, M.Ed., LPC, LCAS, MAC, Executive Director
Please send comments and suggestions via e-mail to: jcp22@mindspring.com