Put Not Your Trust in Princes
Fifth in the "Spinning Wheels" series.
Other fan fiction by Alexandra Huxley

SPOILER: Entropy (6th season)

Warnings and disclaimers:
1) If you're a Riley hater, don't bother reading this fic; everyone else, enjoy.
2) The story's mine, but the characters in this piece belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Inc., and a lot of other people who are not me.

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“O put not your trust in princes, nor in any child of man: for there is no help in them.” -- Psalm 146:2.

"Good morning, Mr. Finn."

"Morning, Mrs. Kaplan. And it's Riley. Please," Riley said as he came into the office. They had had the same conversation every morning since Riley's first day.

She smiled the sweetest of smiles and turned back to the computer, bringing her face to within an inch of the screen. Her graying hair was up in a tight bun, held in place by two pencils and a letter opener. "Yes, sir, whatever you say."

He smiled back. Definitely Mom's bridge partner.

He passed through the inner office and into the maze of hallways, nodding at the guards stationed at each checkpoint, finally coming to the Command Center where his eyes were drawn to the huge monitor on the opposite wall. It was showing a map of California with three areas flashing red. "Report."

The response came from the soldier to Riley's right. "They appeared about twenty minutes ago. Same locations - Darwin, Tecopa, and Death Valley."

"Images?"

"Not that the satellites have picked up. Temperature readings triggered the sensors."

Riley nodded. This was the sixth time in the last three days that this had happened and, apparently, it had been happening off and on for six months. Command said they were keeping an eye on the hot spots and to just ignore them, but Riley was bored. And it had been eight months since he had gone this long without a kill. He was aching for something to happen. "Any teams in the area?" he asked.

"Baker and Camby."

"O.k. Send Camby's team in for a closer look. This time I want them down on the ground. Soil samples, water samples, anything they can get." At this point, even soil samples were sounding interesting.

"But, sir, it's just a..." The soldier stopped short when he saw the withering glance Riley gave him. "Yes, sir."

Riley kept his smile to himself as he walked into his office. If Command hadn't wanted him to make use of the resources at his disposal, then they shouldn't have given them to him. Besides, these boys needed some fire under them. They were too complacent. They didn't seem to have any understanding of what they were actually dealing with. The government had scaled back the UC - Sunnydale operation so much that these guys didn't even patrol. Their sole purpose was to monitor the region for questionable activity and send in men they knew only by their last names and call signs. Most of the teams were based in Nevada with reinforcements available from Montana and New Mexico when necessary. Or at least as far as Riley could tell - there were still areas he hadn't been cleared for.

He sat down as Paxton came in the office. "You ever seen a vampire, private?" Riley asked.

"Yes, sir. They showed us one at Tonopah. During training."

"Not in Nevada. I mean here. In Sunnydale."

The cluelessness on Paxton's face could only be genuine. "There are vampires in Sunnydale?"

Riley sat back in his chair. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"Sir?"

Unbelievable. No wonder nothing interesting ever happened here. "I think we're gonna start taking field trips," Riley muttered. He looked at the stack of papers in Paxton's hand. "I'm guessing those are for me," he said, resigned to another day of paper pushing.

"Mostly requisitions. A few invoices."

Riley took them from Paxton and leafed through them, stopping at one. "Do I really have authorization to spend that much?" That number had a hell of a lot of zeroes in it.

Paxton nodded. "Yes, sir."

No fucking way. Riley tried to keep the smile off his face. That was just too damn cool. Still... "What exactly do we need this much equipment for?"

Paxton shrugged. "Communications. Surveillance. The shipment came in a few weeks ago."

"We communicate with that many people? And they say the government wastes money." Riley had made it his personal mission to get Paxton to crack a smile. Hadn't managed yet.

"Yes, sir. Only two distributors work at that level. They don't usually have much incentive to come down in price. But sometimes they give us a deal. There's another local buyer. If he's buying something new, they give it to us at a discounted rate."

Riley looked at the itemization on the invoice. "Who in this area uses this kind of stuff?"

Another shrug. "Don't know, sir."

Actually, at the moment Riley couldn't have cared less. "Where's the shipment?"

"Down in storage. Waiting to be logged in."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Riley asked, his smile finally breaking through. "Show me the way."

Finally. Toys.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Buffy walked home slowly. So apparently trying to kill your friends is not as bad as sleeping with the enemy.

Well, not really the enemy.

Sometimes.

Xander had never looked at her like that before. Not even with Angel. He had never really liked Angel, or ever been easy with him, but she had never seen that look -- full of loathing and disgust and cold, hard disappointment.

Or maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe she was just seeing in his eyes what she felt herself.

Or what she should be feeling.

Or how she felt about the fact that she didn't always feel that way.

Huh?

That was way too complicated.

Then again, the whole thing was complicated. Like the fact that she had slept with Spike. And that Spike had slept with Anya. And that she and Xander and Willow and Dawn had actually watched Spike and Anya having sex on the table at the Magic Box.

On the table at the Magic Box.

God.

Part of this was Riley's fault. Not the fact that she had slept with Spike, of course; although if Riley had never left, she would probably have never slept with Spike. Never. Probably. But that was a whole other thing entirely.

No, the part that was Riley's fault was that he had been so understanding. Or at least not disgusted. There seemed to be no loathing. Not even disappointment. Just the opposite, in fact. Making her actually feel like she hadn't completely failed at every aspect of her life. That there may actually be some semblance of the old Buffy in there.

And she had wondered if he had only been saying that, knowing that he was about to take off to parts unknown and would never see her again. Now that he had seen her again, though - and again and again over this past week - there was no way he could be hiding that. He hated Spike, and she had no doubt that seeing her with Spike affected him more than he let on, but he hadn't been disgusted. Or disappointed. Or loathing. Angry and sad and regretful, maybe, but not disgusted or disappointed or loathing.

Dawn, too. Sitting there talking to Dawn, Buffy had been struck that Dawn actually seemed to be handling this in an incredibly mature way. Maybe even more maturely than Buffy herself. Where had that Dawn come from?

Then again, Dawn had a crush on Spike - always had. That bad boy thing certainly ran in the family. Dawn seemed to be loving having Riley back around - and she was most definitely loving driving around in his car whenever he conceded to give her another driving lesson. When it came down to it, though, she would probably choose Spike hands down.

But Dawn didn't understand. Dawn was much too young to truly comprehend who Spike was: deadly, amoral, and opportunistic. Or had she forgotten.

That she had.

As long as blame was being cast, might as well throw Tara into the mix. Tara who had been incredibly sweet and understanding and supportive. And diplomatic. Which she may not have been if she had known that Spike had tried to kill Willow not so long ago. Or had she forgotten.

That she had.

So seeing Xander's look had been a surprise. An ice-cold-knife-slicing-into-her-gut-and-zig-zagging-around-until-there-was-nothing-left-but-shreds surprise. It probably shouldn't have been. No, it really shouldn't have been. And in a very short time she would have to see him again. And Willow. And somehow explain to them how this had all come about.

At least sleeping with Spike wouldn't bring about the end of the world.

God.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Riley knocked on Buffy's front door. He took a step back and looked in the window. The lights were all on; Willow's computer was sitting on the table. He knocked again. No answer.

It didn't feel right to just walk in. He had been here almost every night for the past week and Buffy was expecting him, but it still didn't seem right. He rang the doorbell.

Maybe they're out back, he thought. Xander had mentioned barbecue. They could still be out there, even though it was hours past dinner. Riley still couldn't believe how late he was; it had been a complete shock to look at his watch and see how much time had passed. After two weeks of signing forms, however, millions of dollars worth of hi-tech equipment had been quite the diversion.

He probably shouldn't have stopped home first. It was just that it was the only way he could be sure of not giving in to the temptation.

That first night in her bed had been random - it was unlikely she'd be tagged by the same demon again. The next night, however, had not been such a fluke. No, it was just a regular eating dinner, washing dishes and watching old movies until late kind of night. They had fallen asleep on the couch and he had woken up with her in his arms for the second morning in a row. And that was just too damn hard. Every night since then, he had made a point to leave his bag at home and be sure that there was at least one thing that needed to be done for the next morning.

Riley had just turned to head around back when the door opened. "Willow. Hi. Did I wake you up? You're all... ruffled."

"No," Willow said, blushing. "I was up. Buffy's not back yet."

"She said something about..." His voice trailed off as he saw Tara appear at the top of the stairs, her appearance equally rumpled. "Hey, Tara." He looked back at Willow, whose now understandable blush was quickly spreading. "Um, oh, sorry. I can come back later," he said, smiling and backing up. "Or better yet, have her give me a call when she gets back."

Willow nodded. She couldn't contain the huge grin on her face. "I'll tell her you were here." She started to close the door but stopped as she focused on something behind him.

He turned to see Buffy walking up the front walk, the picture of dejection. Willow brushed by him.

"Buffy?" Willow asked tentatively.

Buffy stopped and looked up, dazed. "Is Xander here?"

Willow shook her head. "You didn't stop him? Is Anya-"

"I stopped him," Buffy said curtly, cutting Willow off. "Is he here?"

"Buffy, what happened?" She glanced at Riley before asking, "Is Spike...?"

For the first time she noticed Riley. It seemed like she wanted to smile at him. What came out, though, was more of a grimace. "Oh, Spike's just fine," Buffy replied harshly. "Just fine." She walked up the stairs into the house.

Riley watched before turning to look at Willow. "What happened?"

She wouldn't look him in the eye. "Riley, maybe it's better if you go. I'm not sure if-"

He grabbed her arm. "What. Happened,"

Her eyes flew up to his and she looked scared of him. He loosened his grip as Willow said, "She... We... We saw Anya and Spike. At the magic shop. There were cameras..."

"Anya's back?" Riley said, letting go of Willow. "With Spike? Together? Xander went after them? Alone? Is he crazy?"

"He wasn't exactly thinking straight. After seeing them..." Willow shook her head slowly as Tara came down the stairs and hovered a few steps behind. Willow pulled Riley back as he started to go inside. "Riley, I really need to talk to Buffy. Please."

He looked back at her and after a moment's hesitation nodded, watching as she walked into the house. He turned to Tara and said, "Why doesn't anyone seem to be concerned about Spike and Anya conspiring together?"

Tara shook her head. "Not conspiring together, just...together," she said, eyes down.

"Together as in... Oh," he said, finally understanding. All too well. Shit. Xander. He started to go down the stairs, turning back to Tara. "Tell Buffy..." Right. Tell her what? Like she's really going to stay here if she doesn't want to. "I don't know. Just tell her to be careful."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Willow was watching Buffy out the kitchen window when Tara walked in.

"Is she o.k.?" Tara asked, putting her arm around Willow's shoulder.

"I don't think so," Willow replied.

"Did she say anything?"

"Barely. 'Xander's fine. Spike's fine. Anya's fine.' That's about it."

"She probably just needs a little time," Tara said.

"I guess. Is Riley still here?" Willow asked. "Maybe he could get more out of her."

Tara shook her head. "I think he went to find Xander."

Willow nodded. "She was so happy this week. She hasn't been that way for so long, for such a long time..." She sighed and leaned back into Tara's embrace. "Could we stay here for just a little longer?"

"Sure," Tara said, tightening her arms around Willow and whispering, "We can stay here forever."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Xander looked up as he heard the car stop and the door slam. "Don't suppose you brought any tequila?"

"Thought I'd find you first." Riley sat down on the bench next to Xander, leaning back against the seat, his hands in his pockets and legs stretched out. "Come here often?" he asked, gazing at the burned out building across the street.

Xander didn't respond to Riley's attempt at levity. He was leaning forward, staring at the high school, hands clasped and forearms resting on his knees. "God help me for saying this, but those were good times. It was all so easy, you know? Good was good and evil was evil. Well, most of the time anyway," he said. "With Buffy it's never exactly easy."

"Ain't that the truth," Riley muttered. A minute later he said, "Leaving town is always an option. I can have a chopper here in thirty minutes."

Xander laughed harshly, "Does it make it hurt any less?"

"No, but it's a hell of a distraction."

Xander turned to Riley. "She slept with Spike, Riley. She slept with Spike."

Riley took his hands out of his pockets and sat up straight. "It doesn't mean anything, Xander. She doesn't love him."

"I watched them. It was just there, right in front of me, and I... I saw them." He looked down again. "I love her so much, but that's all I can see. Over and over in my head."

Been there, Riley thought. Try every night for four plus months with a few bonus showings this past week.

"And Buffy," Xander continued, shaking his head. "How could she...? I mean Anya, I can almost even understand why Anya did it, but Buffy..."

And once live and in color.

"Buffy slept with Spike." Xander turned back to Riley. "Buffy. The Slayer who doesn't seem to remember that she's supposed to be slaying not laying." His eyes followed as Riley stood up slowly and walked to the car, leaning against it and staring at the building.

It was clear from the look on his face that Xander hadn't actually meant for that to slip, but now that it was out, he seemed to feel that Riley shouldn't be taking it quite so well. "Are you getting this?" he spat out.   "Reactions? Discuss? Any response from the Slayer's ex?"

"What exactly do you want me to say?" Riley asked, stone cold.

Exasperated, Xander stood up. "Don't you think there's something wrong with that?"

"This isn't about Buffy," Riley said, not wanting to talk about it. "This is about-"

"No, Riley. This is about Buffy." Xander was getting more agitated by the word. "Doesn't it piss you off? Don't you think there's something wrong with this picture?" He looked closely at Riley, his eyes narrowing. "Or maybe you're just feeling guilty because if it weren't for that chip in his head, Buffy would have killed him a long time ago and none of this would have happened." As he spoke, Xander advanced towards Riley, fists clenched, obviously looking for a fight.

Riley pushed off the car. He understood the rage. He hadn't let his own feelings show when he saw Buffy with Spike, but he definitely understood the overwhelming need to destroy, and he wanted to be ready if the punches started coming.

"You know the chip I'm talking about, right?" Xander asked, not backing off. "The one that you and your soldier friends put in his head? Can I just be the first to say thank you? Because I'm, oh, so glad that he can't bite anymore and that he's had all this time to just sit around and screw Buffy and hey - yeah - why not Anya too?"

"You through there?" Riley snapped. It didn't help that the thought had occurred to him on numerous occasions. "Wouldn't want you to start saying things you don't mean."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Xander said, although he obviously wasn't. "Did I say 'screw Buffy'? I meant to say that Buffy was screwing Spike. Is that better?" He was totally in Riley's face now, his fury about to overspill.

Riley pushed past Xander and walked a few paces away. Trying to get his own anger under control. Beating down the bile in his throat as he pictured her lying there with Spike. Knowing that if he had done his job the night Hostile 17 escaped, things would have turned out a hell of a lot differently.

He forced himself to breathe; waited until he had calmed down before saying, "She made a mistake, Xander."

"Ya think?"

Riley whirled around at Xander. So much for calming down. "Why are you so mad at her? How exactly does who she sleeps with affect your life?"

"She's been a part of my life for a long time," Xander said with a hard look in his eyes. "A lot longer than you've been around. And I actually stuck around, so, yeah, I think I have a right to be affected by this." When Riley didn't respond, Xander continued, "How can you defend her? Doesn't it make you sick? That she let him touch her?"

This conversation was heading down a path Riley had no interest in pursuing. He was thinking maybe it was time to get it back on track. "Buffy? Or Anya?"

"Both," Xander said, still furious, but backing down a little. "Neither. I don't know."

"She's human, Xander. They both are. Now at least. Or I guess I hope they both still are." Riley shook his head. So not the point. "People make mistakes."

"You should know," Xander muttered.

"Yeah. Exactly," Riley answered, not rising to the bait. "And so should you, if memory serves. No one's innocent here."

There was a moment of silence before Xander said, "I trusted her. I expect better from Buffy."

Relaxing a little, Riley asked, "Why? Why does she need to be better?"

"I don't know. Just...because." Xander sank back against the car.

Looking down, Riley quietly said, "She holds herself to high enough standards. She doesn't need that from us, too."

"A year too late on that one, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I know. God, do I know." Riley sat back against the bench. "Look. It's like you said - it's the brass ring. Anya's back. Willow seems happy. Dawn has actually been giddy lately, and nobody died. Not a bad day for Sunnydale standards."

Xander shook his head. "This is big, Riley. It's not that easy."

"Maybe not, but it doesn't have to be that hard, either. Besides, this way Spike wins. And I can't tell you how much that would piss me off." Riley stood. He'd said enough. "You want to grab a beer somewhere?"

Xander stuck his hands in his pockets. "Not really in the mood for more clever conversation."

"Yeah. O.k. Just... You know. Don't disappear or anything." Riley opened the car door.

"Is Buffy o.k.?" Xander asked softly, moving away from the car.

Riley shrugged. He was trying not to think too much about how upset Buffy had been over Spike. "Willow was going to talk to her; she kind of sent me away. Besides, I thought you might get some crazy idea in your head. Like trying to kill Spike or something equally dumb."

"At the high school?" Xander was actually grinning. Kind of grimly, but it still counted.

Riley smiled. "No. At Spike's crypt. This just happened to be on the way."

Xander's grin turned into a much too perceptive smile. "You speaking from experience by any chance?"

Riley didn't say anything. Just closed the door and drove away.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

For some reason, Riley knew Buffy would be in her backyard; in the furthest, blackest corner of the yard. He hadn't expected her to look so small, though, as she sat there in that chair.    

He approached her slowly. Her legs were drawn up to her chest, arms around them; chin on her knees and her eyes closed.

"Does he hate me?" Buffy asked.

Her voice startled him. "And I was worried about scaring you," Riley said, walking towards her.

She didn't open her eyes. "You smell nice."

He laughed self-consciously. O-kay. "Didn't realize I smelled at all, but I guess I'm glad it's nice."

She didn't acknowledge what he said; just kept going in the quietest voice: "And you always breathe a little faster when you come near me. I can hear it."

"You going somewhere with this?" he asked, a little uneasily. He'd forgotten how hyper-aware she was of everything. Part of the Slayer thing; something she didn't usually call attention to.

"But when I try to see you, I can't," she continued, eyes still closed. "Sometimes you're there and then you disappear. Sometimes I just see the space where you were. I reach out to touch you, but you just slip away. Up into the sky without ever looking down."

Riley sat down on the chair next to her. He leaned forward, eyes on the ground, not sure how to respond.

"Does he hate me?" she asked again.

O.k. then, Riley thought. No response required. "He's spun. He needs time." Riley looked up to see her staring at him. "What?"

After a minute, she looked away. "So Willow and Tara."

"Yeah," he replied, puzzled, trying to keep up with what she was saying.

A sad smile came over her face. "Willow's trying so hard. She loves Tara so much."

Huh? Yes, he had gotten the Willow/Tara thing. There was clearly something more she was going for, however. "Could you maybe fill me in here? I'm feeling a little lost right now."

"Yeah," she said softly. "Join the club."

This was a very weird conversation. And actually, Riley kind of wanted to go back to the first part, because they really needed to talk about what had happened between them. They'd been on the verge several times over the last week, but never quite got to it. When it came down to it, though, he couldn't do it, couldn't bring himself to start the conversation. Avoidance sounded so much better. "So what exactly happened today?"

"Cameras," she said, her far away look fading. "They've been watching me. Us."

"Cameras? They?" he asked, relieved that she was coming out of that odd, rambling mood. Talking about concrete, non-personal things was so much easier.

"The nerds. You know - Jonathan, Warren, and, um, that other guy. I never remember his name."

"Nerds?" This wasn't getting any clearer.

"Yeah." She looked at him as though he should have caught up by now. "Come on - I told you about them, didn't I? That they're evil?"

"No. I think I would have remembered hearing about an evil band of nerds. Wow," he said, sitting back and trying to picture it. "This town's really gone downhill since I left."

"Tell me about it," Buffy mumbled.

"Jonathan? Really?" Riley asked, still trying to comprehend the new resident menace.

Buffy nodded.

Geez. "Who would've thought?"

"I know," she replied. "Weird. Kind of hard to get all worked up over, but they're really getting annoying."

"Yeah. I see what you mean. Still..."

"Yeah," she repeated. "Still..."

Getting back to what she'd been saying -- "So, they had cameras. Here?"

"Here," she answered. "At the magic shop. The Bronze..."

"Wait," Riley said, sitting up straight as something occurred to him. "What kind of cameras are we talking about?"

"Security cameras," she said, more alert as she noticed his shift into soldier mode. "We found one in the front yard this afternoon. Willow tried to trace where it came from and, well, then we saw the magic shop and An-"

"Is it still here?" he asked, standing up abruptly.

"Inside," she said as he walked to the house.

He stopped at the door and turned back to her, an expectant look on his face.

She jumped up and saluted him. "Aye, aye, Captain."

"Very funny," he muttered as he held the door open for her and followed her in through the kitchen.

Entering the dining room, she gestured at the table. Willow had shut down the computer and straightened everything up, but the camera and wires were still sitting there.

Riley picked it up and examined it. It was identical to the cameras he had spent most of the day playing with. Another local buyer. Damn.

He pulled his keys out of his pocket and used one to snap open the casing. Serial number looked similar, but he'd have to compare it to the invoice to be sure. "Willow didn't finish the trace?"

Buffy shook her head.

"Can I take this?" he asked, putting it back together. The distributor would know who the other buyer was. With a little persuasion, he might even tell them.

"Take it where?" she said, perking up.   "I want to go, too. Are we gonna be action guys?"

"No." He headed to the door. "I'm going to be action guy; you're going to wait here until I call you."

She, of course, followed him. "You can't protect me, Riley. This is my fight."

Riley let out a harsh laugh, pausing at the front door. "Oh, trust me, I learned my lesson. I'm not trying to protect you. I'd just rather not go through a second court martial for treason if you don't mind."

Buffy stopped for a second. "Court martial? After the Initiative..?" she asked. "But you said it was just a debriefing."

"Right. Whatever." He opened the door and watched as she started walking again. Right on past him. Exactly what he'd told her not to do.

She was heading directly to the car. "I'm so totally coming with you."

He glared at her. "Could you at least pretend I have a choice?" he asked, watching her climb in and put her seat belt on.

Fine, he thought, getting in himself and slamming the door shut.

She turned to him with a bright smile. "Where to? Secret Army base? Underground tunnels? Do I get to ride in the helicopter this time?"

Not quite. Riley turned to her before looking back at the road. "I just want it on record that this was your choice."

"Noted. So where?"

He didn't answer until they pulled up in front of the hotel ten minutes later. "Home sweet home."

She got out of the car and stood there for a few seconds. "Do you really think this is the time...?"

He just smiled at her and walked toward the building, not waiting. She had to run to catch up. "This is where you're staying?" she asked.

"Sunnydale's finest."

"A hotel? I thought..." She glanced in the bar as they walked past. "I just assumed you were back on campus. This seems so...temporary."

"Well, yeah," he answered punching the button for the elevator. "That's kind of the point."

She looked up sharply and grabbed his arm. "Are you leaving again?"

"I actually meant while I find a place to stay, but yeah, eventually." He was surprised at how tightly she was clutching him.

"Eventually?" she asked weakly, letting go of him. It obviously hadn't occurred to her that he might actually leave. "How eventually?"

He shrugged, trying not to read anything into her questions. Especially not any subtext that seemed to indicate she might actually want him to stay on a more permanent basis. Not that it was really his choice - they could pull him out whenever they wanted. "I'm trying to readjust to actually being in the same place for two whole weeks in a row. Hadn't really thought much beyond that."

"You didn't ask?" she said, hitting his arm. "You didn't think maybe this time you could give a little more notice when you decided to up and leave?" She seemed as surprised as he did when the words slipped out of her mouth. Still, if this was the way it had to happen...

"Ow," he said, rubbing where she had just hit him. "It wasn't exactly planned," he snapped, turning to her. "And it wasn't like there were a lot of other options." Nice, Ri. Just go ahead and piss her off.

Her voice turned ice cold. "If I had had a little time between when you said you were leaving and when you actually left, then maybe there would have been more options." She lowered her voice to a whisper when she realized that people were staring at them. An angry whisper. "Oh, wait, no. There was a little time. There was a whole eighteen hours where I got to deal with the fact that my boyfriend was paying vampires to suck him dry. At the very least. I decided to ignore the fact that he was half naked while they were doing it."

She looked up suddenly as the closing elevator doors interrupted her. Neither of them had noticed that the elevator had come while she was talking. She jabbed the button again, trying to stop the tears that threatened to spill at any moment.

He had practiced this conversation for over a year and he still had no idea of what to say. "There wasn't anything else," he mumbled.

There, he thought. He at least had an answer to part of it.

"Oh, good," she snapped. "That makes me feel so much more adequate. Glad to know that I could at least manage that for you."

"Buffy," he said, wanting so badly to just reach out for her and pull her into his arms. To shield her from anyone who would do something like that to her. Who would betray her at such a horrible time in her life. Pick that exact moment to completely lose his shit.

Oh, right. Asshole. "It wasn't like that," he said quietly.

"Well, what was it like exactly? Whatever could have made you do that?" She was hugging herself tightly and fighting not to cry, her eyes pleading with him to give her some kind of explanation that would make sense.

He couldn't look at her. It was hard enough to admit to himself much less speak it out loud. But he owed her that. He owed her so much more, but at the very least, he owed her that. "I was dying, Buffy. I was so empty inside. Forrest. Walsh. It was ... Everything. You were all I had left. And it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. You were slipping away."

"I wasn't-" She stopped. Because she knew he wasn't totally wrong. "I trusted you, Riley. You were supposed to be the one I came home to. The one that wasn't going to walk away." She jabbed his chest. "You told me that. You made that promise." The tears finally spilled over. "I trusted you."

"I know," he said quietly. "There aren't enough words to say how sorry I am." Or how much he hated himself right about now.

"And you just left," she continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "You know what Angel did to me - how he hurt me - but you just left."

"No, Buffy," he said, angry again, "I don't know what Angel did to you. Because you never told me. Because you never..." He took a step away from her, turning back as he spoke, much more quietly. "Sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't go there. I just..." He put his hands in his pockets as he looked down at the ground. "They made me feel alive. For a little while at least. And I hated it. I hated so much that they could make me feel like that. But I couldn't stop. I wanted to so badly, but I...I couldn't stop."

His words seemed to reach some part of her -- the anger died a little; her eyes softened in a way that made him think she was understanding him in a way she couldn't before. And the look on her face changed -- became very similar to the look that had been there when he'd walked in on her and Spike. The closest to shame he could ever imagine her getting. Maybe he had hit a little too close to home.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel that way," she said quietly, looking down.

He shook his head. "It's not that simple."

"Then break it down for me," she said. "Make me understand."

"I don't know if I can. I don't think I've figured it out yet."

The elevator doors opened and she walked in. "Well maybe you'd better; because I can't do that again."

He stared at her. Did she just say 'again'? Was she seriously saying...?

The doors started closing and she put out her hand to stop them. "You coming?"

Stunned, he finally nodded and stepped in, pressing the button for the right floor.

"I haven't totally forgiven you, you know," she said, looking straight ahead. "I reserve the right to have random outbursts of tears and anger and maybe even throw things at you."

"Agreed," he said, trying not to smile. Most definitely agreed.

"And no promises. I'm not in a place where I can do that right now."

"No promises. Understood," he said with a curt nod.

The elevator stopped and they stepped out, heading down the hall. "But I want you here with me," she said. "I clearly didn't say that enough before so I'm saying it now. I like my life with you in it."

They had reached his room and he unlocked the door, pushing it open for her. "Buffy," he said, reaching out for her as she walked past.

She stopped and turned to him.

He put his hand on her shoulder. "I would give anything to make it up to you. Anything."

Her eyes brimmed with tears. "Don't say things like that, Riley." She took a step closer, putting her finger to his mouth and saying, "Hellmouth - remember?"

He closed his eyes as she traced his lips, her touch searing his skin. Her hand brushed across his cheek, following the scar up past his eye, and the whole world stopped. The only thing that existed was her touch and the embers that it stoked in his heart.

"Do I still make your skin hum?" she whispered.

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him, a year's worth of longing spilling out in his kiss. She responded eagerly, pressing against him, and hungrily taking him in. She put her arms around his neck and he lifted her, kicking the door shut behind them as he carried her to the bed.

She pulled him down on top of her, tugging at his sweater and pushing it off over his head. "So warm," she murmured, planting kisses on his neck and chest, stopping only when he stripped her of her shirt. "I forgot how warm you were."

He wrapped his arms around her. "I forgot how small you were," he said, kissing behind her ear, moving slowly down her throat. He hesitated for a second when he came to her scar, and then kissed it. Gently at first, then harder as her hands tightened in his hair, his teeth and tongue grazing, hands exploring her body, not relenting until her hips came up to meet his and she cried out.

"Riley?" she gasped, surprised. Probably because he had never kissed her there. Never.

He looked up with a smile. "Fry cooks - what can I say?" he murmured before heading back down to the scar, his mouth staying there as he unbuttoned her jeans and slipped his hand past her waistband.

Her eyes turned wicked. "You're not the only one who's learned a few new tricks." She grinned as she flipped him onto his back, slowly running her finger down the center of his chest and following with her mouth. "Riley, honey, I'm gonna make you scream."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Buffy rolled over, pushing the pillows aside. "So was there an actual reason you brought me here or was it all just some pretense to get me into your bed?"

"I knew I was gonna get blamed for that," he said, sitting up.

She watched as he walked over to the desk. Riley pulled some papers out of the bag resting on the floor and paged through them until he found the right one. "Bingo," he said, holding it up as he turned to her, only to be hit in the face with his jeans.

"Put some clothes on," she said, sitting there with the sheets drawn up to her chest. "It's distracting."

He smiled as he put the pants on. "You're not doing anything to be distracted from."

Finding the camera they had brought from the house, he compared it to the invoice. Same model, same make. Serial number showed it even came from the same lot. He pulled out his cell phone and began issuing orders. "Invoice 8062. I need to get in touch with the distributor. Yes," he said with annoyance, "I know it's late. I don't really care. If you can't do it, get Paxton in. He'll take care of it." He was silent as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. "No, it can't wait until the morning. Do it now." He snapped the phone shut.

She smiled as he came back to the bed. "It probably could have waited until morning."

"Yeah, I know," he answered. "He just pissed me off. Doesn't know how to take orders. None of them do."

She laughed. "You sound a little like Walsh."

"Yeah. Scary, huh?" He leaned down to kiss her.

Grabbing his waistband, she pulled him to her. "So, we have some time before they call back?"

"You mean before you can go kick ass?" he asked, lifting his hips as she pushed his jeans down. "Yeah, we have a little time."

She ran her knee up his leg. "And you're actually going to tell me the address? It's not all classified or anything?"

He rolled over and pulled her on top of him. "Well, it may not be quite that easy. You might have to beat it out of me." He cupped the back of her neck and drew her down for a kiss. "Or something."

"Yes, sir. Most definitely something..."

THE END

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Posted May 13, 2002.