Church Bulletin Bloopers


1. This afternoon there will be services in the South and North ends of the Church. Babies will be
baptised at both ends.

2. Tuesday at 6:30 there will be an Ice Cream Social. All Ladies giving milk please come early.

3. Wednesday the Ladies Society will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed,"
accompanied by the Pastor.

4. Thursday there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All those wishing to become
Little Mothers may meet with the pastor in his study.

5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the
altar.

6. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly, and the
rest of the congregation will join in.

7. Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those
wishing to do something on the new carpet please come forward and get a piece of paper.

8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of all kinds, and they may be seen in the church
basement Friday afternoon.

9. A bean supper will be held in the fellowship hall on Friday night, followed by music.

10 The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belser, The sin of
Rev. And Mrs. Julious Belser.

11 Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.

12 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

13 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

14 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

15 Weight Watchers will meet at 7:: PM at the frist Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

16 The 1997 Spring retreat will be hell on May 11 and 12.

17 The pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.

18 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

19 Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

20 The Senior Choir invites any member who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

21 The Scouts are saving aluminum cans and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

22 The Church Men's Club will meet at 6:00 PM. Steak, Potato, green beans and salad will be served for a nominal feel.

23 This evening there will be a sing in the park across the street. Bring a blanket and be prepared to sin.

24 The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on poeple who are not afflicted with any church.

25 The ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.

26 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday Morning.

27 The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

28 The low Self-esteem support group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8:30. Please use the back door.

29 The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

30 The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

31 The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

32 During the absence of the pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F.Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

33 Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

34 Due to the Rectors illness, Wednesday night healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

35 The offertory for Stewardship Sunday will be "Jesus Paid It All."

36 The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handle in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

37 The eight graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 8:00. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

38 The concert held in the fellowship hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her.

39 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Cruchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

40 A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.

41 Today's sermon, "How much can a man drink? with hymns from a full choir.

42 Hymn 43: "Great God, What do I see Here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! An awful voice is sounding."

43 During a minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD, Dr Hargraves is better.

44 Potluck supper; prayer and medication to follow.

45 The 1998 spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11th.

46 Ushers wiill eat latecomers.

47 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

48 Ladies, Don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

49 Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome. Everyone come for a fun time.

50 Wise up, Oh Men of God!

51 Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say Hello to someone who doesn't care much about you.

52 The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

53 The sermon this morning: Jesus walks on water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.

54 Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood doners. She is also having trouble sleeping, and requests tapes of pastor Jack's sermons.

55 The "over 60's" choir will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

56 Missionary from Africa speaking at Caluary Church. Name Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

57 Announcement for "National Prayer and Fasting Conference." The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

58 The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

59 The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

60 The Associate Pastor unveiled the new slogan for the tithing campaign last Sunday.

I UPPED MY PLEDGE
UP YOURS!

(Thank you, lord, for giving us the ability to laugh at ourselves, and to all that receive,
pass this gift of laughter along to others.)
(Compiled from many sources)