Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
In its inaugural month, The Ann Landers Rebuttal Page has logged over 100 hits, solely through word of mouth . . . but it's gone on to log 29 hits on a single day, April 2nd, the day it was first listed at Ann Landers and the Web! Special thanks to ruel . . . shoutouts also to the RHMB, and to the Rebuttal Page's biggest fan, Beej! Also, to all my friends, who think this page is just awesome! hee hee . . .
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I'm a married woman who slept with my friend's husband. We didn't mean to cheat, but once it happened, the affair continued for several months before we decided to end it. I told my husband, and he was wonderful. He forgave me and said we should "move ahead." The problem is my friend. I'm pretty sure she has no idea about the affair, but lately, she has been treating me like pond scum. She says our different lifestyles make it impossible for us to be close anymore. I work full time, and she is a stay-at-home mother. She insists she makes her husband happier this way, but I know for a fact her husband is plenty miserable, and he doesn't exactly hide it. If he hadn't slept with me, it would have been with somebody else. I feel bad that my friend is going through life thinking she's with a man who is happy and loyal, when that's hardly the case. Should I tell her about our affair and clear the air? - Wondering in New York
DEAR N.Y.: If your friend is treating you "like pond scum," you can bet your bottom dollar she already knows you slept with her husband. You have done enough damage. Clean up your act and move on. That "friendship" is over.
DEAR N.Y.: I think that the real reason you're writing is to try to validate the choices you've made, even though you know you were wrong. (This is going to sound harsh, but I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm just trying to get you to stop lying to yourself so that you can see the truth.) First of all, you "didn't mean to cheat," but "the affair continued for several months"? How did that happen? You were taking a naked stroll through his house, and tripped and fell in his lap -- and liked it so much that you decided to stay there? Admit it: you had an intensely passionate sexual attraction to your friend's husband, and it was mutual. You did something about it, and you enjoyed the heck out of it. Now you feel guilty, but only because your friend isn't as cool with the wild, swinging affair as your husband is. Once you come to terms with this, you can decide what it is you really want to say to your friend, and whether it would help your relationship any if you said it. Think loooooong and hard about this one, N.Y. My advice: You have nothing to say to your friend unless it takes the form of an apology -- and even then, don't expect her forgiveness.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My daughter just turned 17. Her grandparents sent her a very insulting birthday card, picturing an overweight "birthday girl." Inside was a punch line about gaining weight. "Bonnie" is NOT overweight, but teenagers are so sensitive to remarks about their appearance that I was appalled by my in-laws' thoughtlessness. She was so upset by the card that she no longer wants to have anything to do with her grandparents. She told me she will return any cards or gifts they send in the future and refuse to take their phone calls. How should we handle this? - Anxious in California
DEAR ANXIOUS IN CALIF.: Do nothing for the time being. Let the situation cool off. After a month or so, suggest the grandparents send a small gift, along with a note apologizing for their insensitivity. Meanwhile, do what you can to heal the breach.
DEAR ANXIOUS IN CALIF.: My dad once put a jar of off-brand Noxzema in my Christmas stocking when I had just entered my teen years. He meant it to be "you know, something you can get some use out of." I was insensed. I took it as a personal insult about my dermatological issues, not to mention my personal hygiene habits. The following year, my Christmas list was a list of "DON'T"s: DON'T buy me any personal care products, DON'T buy me any beauty aids, and especially, DON'T buy me any off-brand noxzema!!! Needless to say, the parents were not thrilled at my attitude. But now, at the ripe old age of 22, my temper has cooled considerably, and I can look back at the gift as a well-meant but sort of weird expression of my dad's love. Chances are, Bonnie'll come around, too . . . in a few years. In the meantime, just let her know that her grandparents meant well, and that they can't hope to make it up to her if she cuts off all communication with them.
P.S. Every year at Christmas, until we persuaded him not to, dad would also buy a bottle of nail polish remover for myself and my mom, one bottle for each of our stockings, two bottles total. The bottles of nail polish remover would go directly into a cabinet over the sink, and stay there for years, since mom and I don't use nail polish very often. Before long, we had gallons of noxious chemicals slowly leaking fumes into our kitchen. It's kind of funny, really. I managed to give most of it away, I think. It's a family joke now -- "What do you want for Christmas? . . . How about some nail polish remover?" Right.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My wife is a compulsive shopper from hell. She owns dozens of handbags she has never carried, and shoes she has never worn. Many of her blouses and skirts still have the price tags on them. Still, she is in the stores almost every day doing more shopping. Is this an illness? Is there a cure for it? - Newark, N.J.
DEAR NEWARK: Believe it or not, studies are currently being done with an anti-depressant drug to help compulsive shoppers overcome their impulsive behavior and depression. The results, so far, are very positive. I will not, however, mention the name of the drug in my column. Check it out with your physician or psychiatrist.
DEAR NEWARK: True. But what else is there to do in Newark, besides for shopping?
(You know I'm just ribbin' ya, right?)
Oh. Just wait till she discovers e-bay . . .
Home | Archives | Detailed Stats provided by Hitbox
Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.