Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
Thanks to Ann Landers and the Web, the Rebuttal Page has logged over 115 hits in the space of four days . . . already surpassing its performance in the entire month of March!
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I am 28 years old and have been engaged for a year, although we have not yet set a wedding date. My fiance, "Steve," is 37. We have been together for five years and are very much in love. Last week, I discovered I am pregnant. This was completely unplanned and something of a mystery, because we always use contraceptives. Steve loves kids, but he is not ready to start a family. He doesn't want me to have this baby now and has asked me to terminate the pregnancy. Ann, I want this child. I understand Steve's point of view, but the thought of having an abortion is terribly upsetting to me. I will do it if Steve insists, but I am scared and confused. A baby is supposed to be a joyous creation between two people who love each other. I don't understand why Steve can't find a way to love and want this child. We are financially stable and can well afford to have a family. The only problem is we are not married, and I don't want people to think we got married because I became pregnant. - Anonymous and Anxious in a Big City
DEAR ANONYMOUS AND ANXIOUS: Get married immediately, and don't be concerned about what people will say. Steve, "ready" or not, will adore this child, and it will be a blessing to you both. Trust me.
DEAR ANONYMOUS AND ANXIOUS: Men who strongarm their women into having abortions make me angry. He knew what the consequences would be if the contraceptives failed! You don't want an abortion -- so I advise you not to get one. Steve won't be thrilled, so you're going to have to stick up for yourself and your own choices. Oh, and don't rush the wedding on account of the pregnancy. It can take months to plan a wedding, and you want to do it right.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I am dating a 29-year-old man who lives across the country from his parents. "Hal" hasn't lived at home for more than 10 years, however, he talks to them every day, sometimes two or three times a day. This seems excessive to me, but Hal says it is perfectly OK. I simply do not understand why he has to talk to his parents so often. My boyfriend says he loves his family, enjoys hearing their voices and likes to let them know what is going on in his life. Tell me, Ann, is this normal, or should I be worried? - East Coast Girlfriend
DEAR EAST COAST: Did you say he talks to his parents sometimes two and three times a day? Does he have stock in the phone company? This exceeds normal limits - to put it mildly. What is the reason for this man's extraordinary insecurity? These three-a-day phone calls are more about his need than his concern for his parents. Something's out of whack here, and he needs to figure out what it is.
DEAR EAST COAST: Think of all the mothers around the world who right now are saying, "You never call, you never write, you never email . . ." Now imagine if they had Hal for a son! Hal's . . . unique. If you can deal with his idiosyncrasy, overlook it. If he talks more to his parents than to you, then you may want to reevaluate your relationship with him.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My fiance, "Andrew," and I decided to take a backpacking trip through Europe this summer. We mentioned this to another couple, and they interpreted it as an invitation. I have been friends with "Angela" for years, and although I like her a lot, I don't think the friendship could stand that much togetherness. How can we tell Angela "no," without ruining the friendship? -Nameless Travelers
DEAR NAMELESS: Simply say, "This trip is going to be just Andrew and me. Maybe next time it will be a foursome." Then, change the subject.
DEAR NAMELESS: Or, "Andrew and I are going to have soooooo much fun backpacking through Europe this summer! We've been planning it for so long. We've always wanted to do something as a couple, alone with each other, discovering ourselves together . . . I think you mentioned that you'd like to do something similar with your boyfriend, Angela . . . Tell ya what, as soon as we get back from our trip, we'll give you the lowdown on all the hot spots! How cool would that be?"
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Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.