Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
Visit Ann Landers and the Web, for all your Ann Landers needs . . .
DEAR ANN LANDERS: You have printed several letters about inheritances, but I haven't seen one like mine. I am 42, and my brother, "Chet," is 44. We both have families and live in different states. When our mother died years ago, our maternal grandmother blamed my father and was difficult to be around. Consequently, we lost touch for several years. When I was older, I initiated contact with Grandma and tried to stay close. Chet, however, had no interest in a relationship with her. Three years ago, Grandma passed away, leaving her entire estate to me, excluding Chet completely. I was surprised to learn Grandma was rather well off. I had no idea she had any money, and neither did Chet. Chet assumed I would share the inheritance with him, but I didn't. He has refused to speak to me since. Even if Chet and I start speaking again, the drastic change in our lifestyles would forever remind him that he didn't get Grandma's money. I miss my brother, but I don't feel I should have to give him any of my inheritance. After all, he chose not to have a relationship with Grandma, and she specifically excluded him from her will. Was I wrong to keep the money for myself? Is it too late to fix this? - Brotherless Out West
DEAR BROTHERLESS: You do not owe Chet part of your inheritance. If you wish to be extremely generous, when his birthday rolls around and again at Christmas, send him a nice check. But make no mention of the inheritance. After all, you stayed close to Grandma with no thought of reward, and Chet didn't. We reap what we sow in this life, and Chet didn't sow anything.
DEAR BROTHERLESS: Not a check -- a really nice, expensive gift that he really wants, but can't afford to get for himself.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I'm a 14-year-old girl and will probably be laughed at for writing you, but I don't care. I need your help. My mother works two shifts every day. She expects me to look after my three younger siblings. This would be OK, but I have a life to live, too. When I come home from school, there is a list of chores waiting for me. When I'm through, I have to prepare dinner, give my brothers and sisters a bath and make sure they go to bed. Then, I have to do my homework. I'm so tired every morning that my grades are not as good as they should be. Forget about a social life. I don't have one. I feel sorry for my mom that she has to work so hard, but I am miserable because of the extra responsibilities that are laid on me. Please tell me what to do. - East Coast Kid
DEAR KID: No 14-year-old should have so much work at home that she cannot keep up her grades or have any kind of social life. I'm sure your mother has no idea that you are under so much stress. Discuss this situation with your mother. Explain that your schoolwork is suffering and you cannot handle all this responsibility yourself. You can also talk to your school guidance counselor and ask him or her to give you some assistance in working this out. The load you are carrying is too heavy, and it's not fair.
DEAR KID: I've had friends who were in exactly the same predicament as you are now. Talk to your mom (nicely!) Tell her that you understand that you need to help out with the chores, but that you're feeling overwhelmed. Most importantly, let her know that your grades are suffering. Ask if she'll sit down with you and help you work out a lighter chore schedule -- where your homework comes first! -- and if possible, an hour or two a week to spend with your friends. I don't know how old your brothers and sisters are, but do you remember the part of Mary Poppins where she gets Jane and Michael to clean up the nursery by turning it into a game? Try to turn your siblings into your little helpers, by giving them small responsibilities while they're under your supervision.
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Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.