Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
Visit Ann Landers and the Web, for all your Ann Landers needs . . .
DEAR ANN LANDERS: A few weeks ago, my 33-year-old son died by suicide. I am so angry with my son for not giving himself a chance to find a reason to live. I am furious with him for not caring how much his suicide would hurt his wife and children, not to mention his grief-stricken parents. Please, Ann, help me get past my anger so I can forgive my son and move forward. - A Heartsick Mother in Texas
DEAR TEXAS MOTHER: A person who dies by suicide does not think of anything except how to escape from the pain of living. Being angry with your son for having done this will serve no useful purpose. What you must do now is understand the agony your son was going through and that his death was something you could do nothing about. Please get some grief counseling. If there is a chapter of the Compassionate Friends in your area, I hope you will go to the next meeting. This organization assists families following the death of a child of any age, from any cause. Write to the Compassionate Friends, P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 (http://www.compassionatefriends.org), or call 1-877-969-0010.
DEAR TEXAS MOTHER: I'm very sorry about your son. Understand that your grief can bring out strange and unexpected emotions in you. Anger isn't really an emotion in and of itself. It springs from the hurt you feel, and a number of other emotions you're experiencing, deep down. Grief counseling helped a relative of mine very much. Give it a try.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My husband, "Howard," has been given a wonderful opportunity to take a trip overseas, all-expenses paid, and he can bring me along. I know this trip would be exciting, but I'm not sure I should go. Our children are 9 and 11 years old, and they are scheduled for a week of standardized testing at school during the time Howard and I would be in Europe. I know they are responsible enough to study, but these tests are important, and I feel in my heart I should be here. Howard is becoming angry about my reluctance to go. I'm stuck in the middle. If I go with Howard, I'm a bad mother. If I stay home, I'm a bad wife. Tell me what to do. - Feeling Pathetic in Greensboro, N.C.
DEAR PATHETIC: Go with Howard. Your notion that you will be a bad mother if you go is nonsense. Make sure you have a responsible person in charge of the children, phone them often, give them lots of encouragement for their tests, and enjoy yourself.
DEAR PATHETIC: Stay with the kids.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My wife and I have been married 10 years, a second marriage for both. My step-grandchildren, all under 12 years old, visit us quite often, and their table manners are terrible. Since my wife says nothing to them about it, I recently corrected them in what I felt was a diplomatic, kind and humorous way. Instead of backing me up, she criticized me in front of the children. My wife said she doesn't want to put any more pressure on the kids than they already have. I told her she is not doing them any favors. What do you say? - Stepgrandpa in Detroit
DEAR STEPGRAMP: Unless the kids are throwing food or jabbing each other with the forks and knives, don't try to retrain them. Just enjoy them.
DEAR STEPGRAMP: Any lack of etiquette on the kids' part is a poor reflection on their parent or legal guardian, who is charged with teaching the youngsters some manners (among other things.) Are the parents visiting with the kids? Then, they should be the ones to correct their manners, should they choose to do so. Are the parents just dropping the kids off with you for a few hours? In that case, as the adults of the house, you and your wife have the right to prevent the place from becoming a zoo. Discuss this matter with your wife before the next visit, to avoid another scene in front of the grandkids.
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Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.