Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
Visit Ann Landers and the Web, for all your Ann Landers needs . . .
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I am a 26-year-old woman and am getting married in a few months. I do not get along with my father and never have. As far back as I can remember, we have had problems. I believe in treating people nicely, and I try to surround myself with positive companions. My father is just the opposite. He is negative, sour, pessimistic and has always put me down in some way. It is draining to be around him. I have begged him to stop picking me to pieces, but he can't seem to help himself. I warned my father that if he didn't change his attitude, he would not be welcome at my wedding. Even this didn't do the trick, Ann, so last week, I told him he cannot attend. I can live with this decision. Unfortunately, my mother, whom I adore, says I should not have been so hard on my father. What's more, Mom says she will not come to the wedding without him. I am devastated that my mother took his side. Please tell me what to do. - Crying in San Francisco
DEAR SAN FRAN: Stop crying long enough to look at the Big Picture. When you told your father he would not be welcome at your wedding, you dug yourself into a very deep hole. Unless you are able to apologize and make amends, you are going to stay in that hole for a long time. Maybe forever. If you want to have a relationship with your mother, you will need to make peace with your father. You might not like his attitude, but I'm sure you can manage to put up with him for the duration of your wedding. Go hat in hand, patch it up with him, and let's hope he agrees to be among those who will be throwing rice.
DEAR SAN FRAN: Where do you get off, trying to punish your dad for his behavior? It doesn't work like that -- as you have just found out for yourself. And your mom isn't "taking sides," either. She loves your dad (hey, she married him!) and it's an insult to her to uninvite your dad from your wedding. What is she supposed to do, show up alone and make excuses to your other guests? Weddings are family events. What is a family, if not a group of obnoxious people and weirdos with whom you'd never associate, were it not for the genes you share? Love your family. Re-invite your dad.
DEAR ANN LANDERS:I would like to respond to the father who was concerned about his 12-year-old daughter wearing makeup to school. You said lip gloss was OK, but mascara should wait. Let me assure you, Ann, if this girl wants to wear makeup, she will do it with or without permission. I'm sure her friends would be happy to let her borrow their mascara and eyeliner. Incidentally, girls should be aware that sharing cosmetics can spread bacteria and cause eye infections. I have a different solution to the impasse. The mother should take her daughter and perhaps a few of her friends for a makeup session at a nearby mall. That way, the girls will learn how to apply makeup correctly and will avoid the pitfalls of applying too much and looking like clowns. It's what my mom did for me when I was a teen. - College Student in Arizona
DEAR ARIZONA: Get real. We're talking about a 12-year-old girl here. She's not even a teenager yet. I realize many girls in junior high wear makeup and think it looks "cool." In reality, it makes them look cheap. Mom should wait until her daughter is in high school before taking her for make-up lessons. Lip gloss is OK, but that's as far as I'm willing to go.
DEAR ARIZONA: Lip gloss and maybe a little eyeliner on the upper lid for daily wear. A good skin care regimen should also be established at about this age, to help prevent breakouts. There's nothing wrong with learning to apply foundation and blush properly, but short of a stage performance or studio photo session, there's really no need for a 12-year-old to use them.
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Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.