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Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
Visit Ann Landers and the Web, for all your Ann Landers needs . . .
DEAR ANN LANDERS: This is for "Anonymous and Anxious," who is being pressured by her fiance, "Steve," to have an abortion. She doesn't want to do this. You said she should have the baby, they should marry right away and that he would eventually love the child. You may be right, Ann, but Steve sounds like a jerk who is not ready to get married. I'll bet anything if she insists on carrying this baby to term, he will dump her. She ought to tell Steve that she is going to have the baby, regardless, and if he doesn't warm up to the idea, she should tell him goodbye. She should not marry this guy before she finds out if he will be a decent husband and father. She would be wise to go it alone and wait until she finds a man who will love her and her child. She doesn't need to settle for Steve. - John in Miami
DEAR JOHN: Your signature surprised me. I was almost certain the writer of the letter was a woman. Bravo to you for your sane and compassionate response. You don't say whether you are married or single. If it's the latter, the woman who gets you will be very fortunate. And you can tell her I said so.
DEAR JOHN: You Are Right. But. Here's the thing. There is a great danger that the guy would leave the girl if he doesn't get his way, which wouldn't be such a bad thing given the circumstances . . . but I really don't think that the girl would ever leave the guy of her own volition. So there's no point in encouraging her to do so. It'll haunt her conscience and make her feel conflicted. And if she feels conflicted, she won't ever do anything, she'll just sit on the fence. So she'll have a miserable existence with this character. In her heart, she knows the right thing to do. Let's just wait and see if she follows through.
My original advice appears here.
DEAR ANN LANDERS:I concur with "Tea Drinker in Philadelphia" that tea drinkers are discriminated against in the United States. At many social gatherings, coffee is served, and it is often difficult, if not impossible, to get a cup of hot tea. In restaurants, especially down South, hot tea is rarely offered. In fact, some people think tea is only served iced. Try getting hot tea in Charleston, S.C. I'll bet your readers have a lot of hot tea stories. Do you have one, Ann? - Duncanville, Texas
DEAR DUNC: Yes, I do. My grandparents came from Russia. They never drank coffee - only tea. And never from a cup - always from a glass. To this day, I prefer tea in a glass, but it seems no restaurants serve it that way. I rarely order tea when I am dining out, but whenever I have done so, and asked that it be served in a glass, I have received some very odd looks.
DEAR DUNC: I always thought tea was tea and iced tea was iced tea. Then I went to North Carolina, where tea is hot tea and iced tea is tea. And it's not just tea either, it's sweet tea or unsweet tea. It boggles the mind. Just get me a Snapple.
DEAR ANN LANDERS:Is it proper to ask a smoker who stinks of tobacco smoke to please move away or go outside to air out? I was in my doctor's office recently, after having fasted for more than 12 hours in order to take a test. Another patient came into the waiting room after she had just finished a cigarette outside. The tobacco stench was all around her, filling most of the room. On an empty stomach, the odor was more nauseating than usual, and I had to leave the room. When I saw the doctor, I mentioned my dilemma, but he had no idea what to do about it. So, Ann, what's the answer? - Stan in Greensboro, N.C.
DEAR STAN: There isn't much you can do, but if he's willing, your doctor could install better ventilation in his office. Also, he might open a window, put in a ceiling fan or place deodorizers around the waiting area.
DEAR STAN: Never, never, ever say anything bad about anybody's odor, no matter what kind it is, where it's coming from, or what caused it. Unless you are that person's mother, in which case you can say, "Go outside! Blow the stink offa ya!" Or, if it's someone's bad breath that's the problem, offer them a breath mint, really casually and sweetly. But of course, the worst part about cigarette smoke is that it clings to hair and clothes. Smokers usually a) have no idea that they smell like smoke, and would be offended if you accused them of it; or b) know full well that they smell like smoke, and expect you to deal with it. You're right, the 12 hour fast probably made you super-sensitive to the smell . . . and Ann's right that the office is probably poorly ventilated. (Opening a window a crack and leaving some fresh baking soda in an open dish will work wonders.) But short of carrying a bottle of Febreze around with you wherever you go, there's nothing you can do, really, except to tell the receptionist that you're going to stand outside and get some air for a few minutes while you're waiting for the doctor to see you.
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Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.
