March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I had a beautiful baby 18 months ago. Since then, I have had absolutely no desire for sex. As you can imagine, this has put a big strain on our marriage. My husband feels deprived, and we argue about sex all the time. I have talked to my gynecologist and to a therapist. They both tell me that I am depressed, but I feel just fine. My therapist suggested an antidepressant, but one of the side effects is a decreased appetite for sex, which would be self-defeating. Is it possible that I am NOT depressed, but that I have a physical problem? If so, why can't my gynecologist find out what it is? Is there anything I can do to get my sex drive back? I want to feel like my old self again. - Sexless in Atlanta
DEAR ATLANTA: Many women suffer a loss of sex drive after the birth of a baby. I suggest that you start fresh - from square one. Make an appointment with another therapist and another gynecologist immediately. Also, be aware that a great many women are having sex with their husbands even when they "don't feel like it." Try to "be there" for your husband although you may not be in the mood. It will help your marriage, and you will no longer need to stay up late to avoid him.
DEAR ATLANTA:There are many young mothers who are in your situation, Atlanta. And it's no wonder -- bringing a new life into the world is as rewarding as it is exhausting!!! The runaround with the doctors may not be necessary. And letting your husband have sex with you when you aren't up for it is definitely a bad idea. Why not try to find a half an hour of "me time," when the baby's asleep and the hubby's busy, and destress in a nice warm bubble bath with scented candles all around? Maybe once the pressure to make love melts away, you'll find yourself in the mood after all.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I read the letter in your column about the man who gave his wife a family heirloom as an engagement ring, and when they divorced, she refused to return it. I say, shame on her. My mother gave my brother our grandmother's heirloom ring when he became engaged. His bride, however, did not care for the setting, so my brother had the diamond put into a different band. Three years ago, when my husband asked me to marry him, he wanted to buy me a beautiful engagement ring, but I knew he could not afford it. I told him to put the money into the stone, and then I asked my mother to give me my grandmother's setting. She readily agreed. So now I have a precious heirloom, and it will never be out of the family. - A Colorado Reader
DEAR COLORADO READER: It seems you hit on the perfect solution. I am sure a few of my readers will benefit from what they read today.
DEAR COLORADO READER:That's nice. I guess.
DEAR ANN LANDERS: I would like to offer a suggestion to "A Dilemma in Missouri," whose dear friends' son was getting married the same day as their son, and neither couple could attend the others' festivities. Why not agree to have their own "post-wedding party" sometime after the couples return from their honeymoons? Videos of both ceremonies could be shown, and gifts could be given at that time. - A Fellow Missourian
DEAR FELLOW MISSOURIAN: What a splendid solution to the problem. Your suggestion could turn an unfortunate coincidence into a delightful evening with all in attendance happy. Thank you.
DEAR FELLOW MISSOURIAN: It's a nice thought, but it sounds excruciatingly boring. The whole issue could have been avoided with better planning. I suspect that if these "dear friends" were really all that close, they'd have been better informed about the children's wedding plans, anyway, or maybe even have planned a joint reception or something. The dates are set, the invites have been R.S.V.P.'d to already, anyone who can't make one or the other of the weddings should send their gifts and heartfelt congratulations ahead, and hopefully there will be no love lost between the two families.
Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.