Mission Statement
March 6, 2001
Welcome to the Ann Landers Rebuttal Page. Whereas I feel compelled to give Ann Landers credit for being a pioneer in the world of syndicated advice columns, I have to say, I feel that her advice often isn't very sound. As a twentysomething New Yorker, I expect that my take on other people's problems is quite different from Ann's. At any rate, I feel that Ann's (and my own) readers can only benefit from multiple points of view, and I tend to think that Ann would agree. I'm not so sure how keen her lawyers are on the idea, though.
Although I can't make any promises, I hope to update this site frequently. The more popular it becomes, the more incentive I will have to keep it fresh for you.
It is my philosophy that advice isn't meant to be taken. It is meant merely to be heard and considered. In the end, your own mind, heart, and guts are what guides you. Listen to them, not us or anyone else.-- Cath
DEAR ANN LANDERS: My mother has been obsessed with my wedding for as far back as I can remember. She has described the gown and veil I should wear, the floral bouquet I should carry, and has also decided where the ceremony should take place, what food she wants served, and so on. When I was older and didn't date much, her constant obsession was upsetting and depressed me. She would buy brides magazines and occasionally bring home items "for the future reception," such as cake toppers, fancy cutting knives and champagne flutes. I told her to please stop, at least until I found someone to marry, but she would not listen. There were months when we barely spoke to each other. Two years ago, I met someone special and moved out East to be with him. We hope to be married sometime in the near future. The problem, of course, is that my mother wants to take over. She insists that I get married in my hometown and says she has all the plans in place. When I told her I want to be married here, she said I was being unfair and threatened not to come to the wedding. I am not even officially engaged yet, and my mother is driving me to distraction about "the wedding." Please help me work this out. - At the End of My Rope Out East
DEAR END OF YOUR ROPE: Lord deliver us from mothers who want to relive their lives through their daughters. Fate has given you one of those. The questions you have asked are ones you must find answers to yourself. You must decide how much "direction" you are willing to tolerate, and let her know when she has exceeded the limit. Don't be afraid to stick to your guns. This is your wedding, and you should have the final say.
DEAR END OF YOUR ROPE: Have you been following "For Better or for Worse" in the comics section? Deanna's mom is being so hands-on about the wedding plans . . . and the ceremony is all for show, because unbeknownst to her mother, Deanna has already secretly eloped with Michael! (Comic strips rarely take such a soap opera twist . . . ) I hesitate to offer you my advice before I see how things play out in the funny papers!
DEAR ANN LANDERS: This is in response to "Liz in New York," whose college friend refused to press the elevator button, saying it was not proper etiquette. You said you had never heard of such a thing. Well, Ann, there may be no hard and fast etiquette rules regarding pushing elevator buttons in office buildings, but there are such rules if you live in a college dormitory. Our college dorm houses 750 students in a 12-story building. The elevators are old and go very slowly. During freshman orientation, I was informed of "elevator etiquette," which says if it is faster to get to your floor by walking up or down a flight of stairs, then do it. At our school, common courtesy dictates that you press the floor button only if your floor is more than one flight above or below the buttons already pressed. In addition to saving time, this also ensures that we will use our leg muscles now and then. - Emerson College Student, Boston, Mass.
DEAR EMERSON COLLEGE STUDENT:You win this one. Any cardiac physician will tell you that climbing stairs is also a wonderful way to exercise those heart muscles.
DEAR EMERSON COLLEGE STUDENT: In my freshman year of college, I lived on the top floor of a 10-story dormitory. We developed only one rule of elevator etiquette: Please, do not use the elevator to go to the second floor, when others on the elevator are going to floors 8 and 10, unless you are carrying a large laundry basket. Common courtesy is common sense. I'll also acknowledge the health benefits of getting off one or two floors early and taking the stairs. However, in general, you have a right to ride the elevator to any floor the elevator services. Anyone who's inconvenienced can lump it.
Ann's words are copyright 2001, Creators Syndicate, Inc. Cath's words copyright 2001, Catherine McGivney. Cath has never sought, and Ann Landers and Creators Syndicate have never granted, permission to use the Ann Landers column on this website.